Thursday, 23 May 2002: Yes, I admit it, I caved in last night. I threw my better judgment out the window. I defied the rules of good taste... logic... morals... you name it. What did I do, you ask? I watched "Celebrity Boxing 2" on Fox. And I enjoyed it. Oh dear Lord in Heaven, what is wrong with me? Katie and I were flipping channels after finishing the one-hour season finale of "My Wife and Kids" when we came upon Fox's pathetic attempt at a ratings seizure.
Thankfully, we tuned in after the Darva Conger v. Olga Korbut fight. Even more thankfully, we tuned in just in time to see Dustin "Screech" Diamond ("Saved By the Bell") clobber the hell out of Ron "Horshach" Palillo ("Welcome Back Kotter"). That was entertaining to say the very least. Screech was hamming it up for the crowds, taunting Horshach, dancing around, and landing some very nice punches. Some may have seemed a bit low, but others were right on the mark and you could hear them. Screech won by TKO.
The William "Refrigerator" Perry v. Manute "The Sudanese Freedom Fighter" Bol was a joke to say the least. Nobody was doing anything. Fridge couldn't get in past Bol's reach to land any punches of significance while just about every one of Bol's lunges was blocked. By the final round (all matches were limited to three rounds), the judge said "if you two don't start boxing, you won't get paid." After all was said and done, Bol won by unanimous decision.
Finally, the headline fight was between Joey "I Dropped My Soap" Buttafuoco and Joanie "My Real Nickname Is Trademarked By the WWF, Or Is It WWE, So I Can No Longer Use It" Laurer (AKA "Chyna"). While Chyna landed some hard hits on Buttfuck (oops... sorry... "Buttafuoco"), she almost always followed them up by turning around in defense. You never do that. It allowed Joey to land several cheap shots to the back of her head. On occasion, he came out with a nice flurry, but his cheap shots (along with the fact that he grabbed her and threw her to the ground) should have resulted in him losing. Unfortunately, the judges saw the sheer number of weak hits he had against her moreso than the quality of her punches and awarded him the victory by unanimous decision. I would love to see Joey take Chyna up on her offer to settle this dispute in "her ring." Then we'd really have some fun, wouldn't we?
Wednesday, 22 May 2002: Now that I've spent some time extolling the virtues of the latest Star Wars flick, it's time to remind myself, as well as all of you, why this one is so much better than ep. I. Does that mean I will actually go out and rent The Phantom Menace so I can see why for myself? After all, I haven't seen the film since opening day back in 1999. Sure, maybe I actually will sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow while Katie is at work. We'll see. In the meantime, though, feast your eyes on Lance and Eskimo's 78 Reasons to Hate Episode I. They're pretty damned funny and they bring up some great points and also mention stuff that I don't remember or never actually took notice of since I only viewed the movie once.
Monday, 20 May 2002: The Mix Morning Show was discussing the season finale of "Friends" this morning and asking callers what they thought of both the ending and what should happen next season. So, below, you will see my take on what should happen next season. First, let me say that I was disappointed by the final outcome of the finale. It was quite boring. Just my $.02
Ross and Rachel - In the first episode, it will be established that Joey and the ring was an accident and should not have happened. I am thoroughly disgusted by how the writers handled the whole Rachel and Joey potential relationship and now I don't even want to see them together. End it already. Anyway, Ross and Rachel stay together and discover that Manhattan is no place to raise a child. At midseason (December or January), they will move to Rockaway in Queens and buy a house. They will not get engaged which will help keep the "living in sin" fires burning in the hearts of both sets of parents. I chose Rockaway because it's still close enough to the city for both to work at their jobs without too much of a commute.
Joey - Despondent over the "breakup" with Rachel, he starts to mope around. So much so that his character is written out of "Days of Our Lives" or whatever soap opera it is that he's on (I think that it would be great to bring back Susan Sarandon to bitch slap him for being responsible for killing off her character entirely). However, that doesn't matter because, come January, he will be nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his movie despite the snoring reviews given by Chandler (okay, maybe we'll make it a Golden Globe nomination). He starts to receive all kinds of film offers and moves past the whole Rachel thing. However, in February, he discovers the need to move to Hollywood to keep on top of his acting career. People may not like this, but it can be viewed as the second beginning of the end with the first being Rachel and Ross moving to Queens. The show will still follow him as he's living and working in Hollywood and the occasional Friend will be out to visit him. He will even start dating some big Hollywood movie star who will cameo on the show as herself (Sandra Bullock or the like?). This will also do a lot to help settle what is going to become a pretty fiery dispute between him and Ross over the ring mishap.
Phoebe - One day, Phoebe will receive a check in the mail for a very large sum of money with a note attached that says she must use it to start a salon/spa. Being the honorable person Phoebe is, she opens one right in the heart of Manhattan. She's the boss now with six or more people working for her. The salon becomes wildly popular and she becomes the toast of Manhattan. Around January, her phantom investor shows himself. It's David or whatever the name of the scientist guy was who was played by Hank Azaria around season two or three. Turns out he has moved back to NYC from Russia because he received a full professorship at NYU (hey, if Ross can be a professor without going through a professor track, so can David). They have a whirlwind romance which winds up with the two of them getting married in the final episode of the series. Of course, the wedding will bring all the Friends back together no matter where they are living and will be officiated by Joey.
Chandler and Monica - As much as I'd love to see either Monica get hit by a bus or Chandler come to his senses and leave that heinous bitch, I'll be a little more realistic. The two of them try all season with no luck to have a baby. This winds up with the two of them trying something new and completely out of whack (probably the result of one of Phoebe's eastern ideological beliefs) and, during Phoebe's wedding reception, while dancing, Monica looks at Chandler and says "I'm pregnant." And... curtain. I hate to give Monica the final word in the series, but it seems to work pretty well in my mind.
So, what do you all think? Let me know.