I'll be honest with you, I've always enjoyed winter. I love the tranquility of snowfall, the beauty of fresh-fallen snow, the excitement of a snowball fight, the thrill of sledding down a snow-covered hill, cuddling up with Katie with mugs of hot chocolate... Yeah, you get the idea.
Despite this "love," I have to admit that I have hated this winter and I want it GONE. Is there enough room in the cyberether for me to detail just why I hated what is typically my most joyous of seasons? Well, I'll try to limit myself a bit.
- No snow on Christmas - that's a big one for me.
- Idiot drivers - are more in abundance this year than in past it seems; does the DMV work on a quota system?
- Late season snow - we nearly had a record-breaking February here in Chicagoland.
- Imbecile plows - the other morning, just as I'm getting ready to go to the gym, the plow blocks me in with two-foot-round sleet/snow bricks. I didn't need to work out after all the lifting I did to get rid of them.
- More imbecile plows - the grounds crew at our townhouse can't plow for crap when they actually remember to do it.
- Foam snow - this is that snow that's like a brick of styrofoam; it's not flaky, it's not wet, and you can't do anything with it except hope it will melt; and we've had plenty of it.
- The inability to grill - our grill has been snowed in all winter long; we've actually broken out the Foreman grill, it's that bad.
- Windshield wiper fluid - you can fill your wiper fluid reservoir once and make it last all spring, summer, and fall; but it sucks its way through three or four gallons in a matter of a few months during the winter.
- Salt streaks - are all over the place during the winter... my truck, Katie's car, sides of buildings, sidewalks, etc. and they always manage to find some way to transfer from these locations to the butt of my dark work pants.
- Weathercasters - if ever there is a time of year in which to measure their ineptitude, it's the winter; they can never forecast snow correctly.
- Black ice - you never see it coming until you've fishtailed nearly 180 degrees and come this close to causing a pileup.
- Stuck in the gym - I just want to go for a walk or a jog or a bike ride... but no!
- Bright mornings - no, the sun is no brighter than it usually is, it's just amplified by the whiteness of the snow and it makes for painful early morning wakeup calls.
- Nasty garages - all that crap that collects on the underbelly of your car has to wind up somewhere, right? And that somewhere is the floor of our garage.
- Cold starts - my truck is nine years old. To paraphrase Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, it's getting too old for this crap.
I know there's more and I'll likely think about it as soon as I post this. But this isn't a bad list at all. Well, not "bad" as in it's not too short. Literally speaking, it is a very bad list.
I just want winter done. Is that too much to ask?