kapgar

I'm gonna be the one who gets it right...

I, along with many others, have discovered this cool little survey over at Avitable's digs. Thought I'd give it a shot here instead of in the comments. Hey, why give away a free post in a comment?

Survey Says
Just pick the first word that you think of when you associate yourself with that category. Don't overthink it.

If I was a/an _____, I'd be ______

TV show: Psych
Song: "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" by Scissor Sisters
Movie: The Empire Strikes Back
Book: The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore
Fictional character: Karl "Helo" Agathon from Battlestar Galactica
City: San Francisco
Verb: capable
Color: blue
Animal: polar bear
Emotion: caring
Article of clothing: jeans
Flavor: spicy
Food: hot dog
Vice: gluttony (gonna agree with Adam on this one)
Plant: knockout roses
Mythological animal: phoenix
Letter: K
Inanimate object: iPod
School Activity: football
Positive attribute: brutal honesty
Negative attribute: brutal honesty

That was fun. More fun than I thought it would be. Go ahead and steal at will.

Yeah, so Black Friday didn't really go as planned.

We did wake up and go to Old Navy for the opening at 3 a.m. We got there at 2:45 and about the only way I can describe it would be to compare it to the opening of a Twilight film... all teen girls and either their reluctant boyfriends or trying-to-be-too-hip moms. Dads stayed home. Smart blokes.

The problem with Old Navy was that all the free games sold out before the store even opened. They had handed out all the tickets by 1 a.m. So I never got my copy of Rock Band: Lego or Rock Band 2 with the free guitar. Bummer. I did get a jacket, though, and an Atlanta Falcons T-shirt (don't hate on me, but one of my fellow NIU grads, Michael Turner, is a Falcons RB stud - gotta support the alma!)

We went home and went back to bed and I never bothered to go to OfficeMax to pick up the video camera and Katie picked up Psych, season 3, from Target on her way to work.

Yeah, so Black Friday? Not so great overall.

When you wish...

Taking a cue from Marie's post yesterday, I'm going to write up my own I Wish... list.

I wish...

...Katie would graduate sooner than December, maintain her 4.0, and wind up with many job offers from which to choose her ideal teaching position.

...someone would just donate us two new cars.

...all my friends in need of a job could find one.

...the idiots who skimmed my credit card number would be caught and violated in a very uncomfortable place while wasting away in a foreign prison.

...we would get an inordinately high number of trick or treaters this year.

...I could take Katie on a trip anywhere in the world she wants to go.

...all financial issues would resolve themselves.

...I could cook anything without worrying about how it's going to turn out and without relying on cookbooks or recipes; make me Kapgar Batali!

...our house would clean itself.

...we'd have a grounds crew in our townhouse association that actually made our monthly assessment a worthwhile investment.

...that people could accept each other for who they are and stop fighting, name calling, and judging without getting to know someone first.

...that two tickets to XRT's Big Holiday Concert 2009 featuring The Flaming Lips, Phoenix, and Pete Yorn would just magically find their way into my hands.

...I had an ice cream cone right now. Double scoop. Chocolate Peanut Butter. Waffle cone.

Yum.

C'mon. This is me. Did you really expect them all to be serious? Oh and I guess that might count as a meme to some degree, right?

Well, they didn't "magically find their way into my hands," but I did score tickets to the Big Holiday Concert!

Sadly, Katie can't go. Bad timing with work and whatnot. But she wanted me to go anyway, even without her. It's me, my Lips-man Eric, and his wife Michelle.

So, even though it's six days after my birthday, we'll just pretend that the following are in town to help celebrate with me...

Pete Yorn

Phoenix

The Flaming Lips

So, um, yeah, that's two Flaming Lips shows in one year.

You could argue I'm hooked.

I'd argue that you're right.

Bee girl, be a girl...

Ahhhh, zee spring allergy seezohn is upohn us. Zee flowerz and treez are blooming and zee pollen is free flowing. As an allergy sufferohr, make sure to dose up on your medicashuns to protect yourself from... SNIPPET WEDNESDAY.

(Pretty soon I'm going to run dry on creative ways to intro these posts.)

Mode
I am so happy I didn't buy into the iTunes Pass that was offered for $18.99 a couple months back that gave customers a progressive download of content from Depeche Mode leading up to the release of their new album, Sounds of the Universe, yesterday. From what I've heard from Kevin Spencer, it doesn't seem to have proven worth it. Combine that with the current offer from the Amazon MP3 store to buy the nuts & bolts album for $3.99 (not sure how long this link or offer is good) and I'm really glad I didn't get the Pass.

Kama
At least my spammers are considerate of my time and keep their marketing thematic.

Meme
Oh, Marie's going to get it. She tagged me in a meme. And one that makes me work, at that. Damn her!

Here are the rules:

• Take a picture of yourself right now.
• No primping or preparing.
• Just snap a picture.
• Post the picture onto your blog.
• Tag some people to play along.

Okay, here's my contribution to the meme. You must keep in mind that primping and preening don't happen for me, so what you see is what you get, regardless. I also don't tag. So play along if you'd like.

And, Marie? I will get you, my pretty.

Gym
Funny how "cool" kids try to be. At the gym yesterday was this woman I'll call "O" (it's her initial and not a reference to the, er, novel, okay?) and she's there nearly every day. She's probably in her late 30s or early 40s and in really good shape and a lot of the divorced guys at our gym fumble over themselves to be her "friend." What was funny about yesterday was seeing a high school kid trying to impress her. He couldn't have been any older than about 17 and had the build of a cross country runner. But I watched from one of the weight machines as he headed back to the free weight alcove where she was working out, stopped in front of it, puffed out his chest, and then sauntered in. Considering the only two people back there were O and a guy in his mid 50s, I think it was pretty obvious who he was trying to impress. Kid, she's more than double your age and could kick your ass from here to Chicago and back before you even realized what was happening to you. Give it up.

Okay, I'm off to work.

I might believe you if I didn't know...

Here's something new.

Everybody has celebrity crushes, right? That certain someone who is in the limelight for whatever reason that, when you see them, you're just completely enamored. They could be hosting a TV special in which they actually do watch paint dry and you wouldn't care, you've got a crush on this person.

It's perfectly normal.

When you become part of a significant real-life relationship, though, these crushes take on a whole new air. You don't lose them, not one little bit. You simply have someone that you care about that is based in reality and your celebrity crush might take a little bit of a backseat. Or, if you have a pretty secure significant other, your crush might become part of an inside joke between the two of you as this person joins your Laminated List, which Urban Dictionary defines as "A list of the top 5 people, usually celebrities, with whom you could have sex with without repercussions, if the opportunity arose, regardless of whether you were in a relationship or not."

They can sometimes be fun for a joke or two.

But have you ever experienced what I'm now dubbing a Create-a-Crush?

Basically, this is a phenomenon when your significant other thinks you have a crush on a celebrity that you never really considered before. And, despite your protestations, they forge on with this belief to the point where you actually do start to have a crush on this person because you're constantly thinking about him/her.

Still confused? Here's an example from my life.

A few months ago, I bought Taylor Swift's new album Fearless out of a sense of morbid curiosity and because Amazon offered it on a one-day only special for $1.99. I'd heard decent reviews of the album and, even though I had never really considered it as an option to that point, I picked it up thinking that $2 is not that great a loss even if it sucks.

Well, it didn't suck. Not at all. In fact, I really kinda like the album. Really upbeat, well-written country music that borderlines the pop genre. And it was something that I thought Katie would enjoy as well, so I told her I bought it and offered to throw it on her iPod for her or play it in the car, etc. Then Taylor and her new album started hitting the media circuit showing up on interview show after interview show that we happened to be watching. Katie began accusing me of having a crush on her.

Okay, admittedly she's a cute girl. No question about it. But a crush? That would rank her up there with Elisabeth Shue and Belinda Carlisle and Kate Winslet. Nah, not happening.

Then SNL happened. We don't regularly watch Saturday Night Live because, to be honest, it sucks. Once in a while, though, as a friend of mine likes to say, even a blind squirrel finds a nut. That nut was Neil Patrick Harris who we were pretty convinced would do a great job hosting the show and we were pumped about watching it. But Katie wasn't convinced that was the only reason I wanted to watch this episode. Why? Taylor Swift was the musical guest.

There were a few more media appearances after that and then yesterday I find the latest issue of Rolling Stone in the mailbox. Who's on the cover? Taylor Swift. So, as a joke, and because I know exactly how she'll react, I ask Katie if she's seen the latest issue. Nope. And I flash her the cover. "Oh! It's your girl!" Dead on target.

But the odd thing is, I think I am developing a little bit of a crush on Taylor Swift.

And I have nobody to blame but my wife.

Am I the only one this has happened to?

Totally Unrelated Aside (TUA): I can't even count the number of places where I've seen this list popping up. Basically, you just list out 20 albums that changed your life for whatever reason. Should be simple, but it's not. Not at all. But I'm gonna give it a shot anyway. I think they're pretty close to the order in which I discovered them from the earliest on down. As you'll see, there isn't much life changing in recent years for me.

1. Michael Jackson - Thriller
2. Kenny Rogers - The Gambler
3. Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet
4. Run D.M.C. - Raising Hell
5. Europe - The Final Countdown
6. Bruce Springsteen - Born in the U.S.A.
7. The Beatles - Abbey Road
8. Led Zeppelin - IV (Runes)
9. Elvis Costello - Spike
10. Depeche Mode - Violator
11. Motley Crue - Dr. Feelgood
12. Van Halen - OU812
13. Poison - Open Up and Say... Ahhhh!
14. Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
    
15. Faith No More - The Real Thing
16. Alice in Chains - Facelift
17. Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
18. Urge Overkill - Saturation
19. The Soundtrack to the Motion Picture Pulp Fiction
20. Radiohead - The Bends
    

And you?

When we started this band...

This is Dwight K. Schrute. Assistant to the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, the greatest regional paper and office supply distributor in the whole world.

FACT: I have taken over this blog from it's pitiful "author," a term I use very loosely. I have a purpose for my actions, which will come to light shortly.

If one were to believe his Facebook status update from yesterday, you'd know that this blog's author, a boy named "kapgar," was in Nashua, New Hampshire, attempting to con his way into the good life with my boss, Michael Scott, and Pam Beesley. But, you would also know that there is no way Michael would fall for this pitiful human being's attempts to woo his way into Michael's inner circle.

My purpose, as I promised earlier to reveal, is to address a certain "meme" that's been circulating throughout the World Wide Web. I have not been challenged to accept it, but I feel I can contribute some wisdom. I believe I have seen this meme on the blog of a Miss Sizzle and a SoMi, whatever a SoMi is.

The meme involved choosing a letter of the alphabet, or, more precisely, having one chosen for you and then name 10 things that start with that letter that you love. As everyone should know, nobody chooses my future plans except for me. That is why I am choosing my own letter for this post. And that letter?

B

1. Battlestar Galactica
The greatest television show in the history of television. Anything that claims it is better is wrong. But, speaking of television, I hate when American producers attempt to steal ideas from Great Britain. Doesn't everyone realize the Brits do it better? Why even try? Any actor who makes a living working on a hacked redux of a British show should be ashamed of themselves.

2. Beets
The greatest and most beneficial vegetable known to man. It can be used in anything... sandwiches, salads, juices, et cetera. But one must be careful before consuming in high quantities. Unless you have the intestinal fortitude of a Schrute, as we are superior beings, you could do permanent damage to your stomach lining or break a tooth when attempting to eat it raw.

3. Bob Vance
I cannot decide if this man is an idiot or a genius with delusions of grandeur that rival even my own. Why else would anyone willingly marry Phyllis Lapin? There must be something I'm not seeing.

4. Bespectacled
I wear glasses. I am proud to wear glasses. People who wear glasses have wisdom that far exceeds that of people who do not. For they have vision. Both vision of their surroundings and a vision of the future. If you know someone who wears glasses, fear them.

5. Beeper
Technology is evil. It is pushed upon us by shortsighted individuals like our former temp, Ryan Howard, who was also our former boss, who treat technology as a crutch to support their otherwise sagging life. This is why I use a beeper. I do not believe in cell phones. The CIA informed me that my cell phone had been compromised by an unknown evil power and that my life and mission were in danger. I immediately disposed of the phone and now rely solely on my beeper. I am resourceful. If someone contacts me, I can immediately find a way to contact them back while staying "off the grid."

6. Bobblehead
At one time, I praised this as the greatest gift ever from the most important person in the world, second only to myself... and Michael Scott... and the creator of Battlestar Galactica. However, now, that gift is forever tainted by her betrayal. She is dead to me.

7. Badass Trans Am
I don't care what Andrew Bernard says, my Trans Am is the greatest vehicle in the history of automobiles. It is vintage American muscle and can totally kick the ass of Andy's Ex-Earth. Oh wait, he doesn't drive that anymore since I bought it from him and sold it for a profit, does he?

8. Boss
I do strive to one day be the boss of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. But not so long as Michael Scott is here. I would never try to usurp his power... not again.

9. Business
I have a mind built for business. I can sell anything to anyone. You want a ream of paper? I'll sell you on a case. Sell me a Nissan Xterra for $8,000 and I'll turn around and resell it for $11,000. Buyer beware... Dwight K. Schrute is on the prowl.

10. Bears
Bears are the most powerful and resourceful creature to roam the planet. To most people, they are a source of fear. But not to me. I do not fear bears, I am inspired and awed by them. I know every fact about every species of bear ever. If I were to find a bear in the woods, it would not try to do me harm as it would detect my own strength and intelligence and leave me be.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish blowing up all these balloons for Kelly Kapoor's birthday that I, as co-head of the party planning committee with Jim, forgot to celebrate yesterday. Stupid birthdays. They are a sign of weakness in human beings who celebrate them.

They call me Mimi...

Today is just a really somber day for me. Nothing that I can really talk about here. But I'm going to try to take my mind of things by doing some blogging. Actually some meme-ing.

Must be something about memes this new year. I've found three on various blogs I read and I want to steal them all. I was going to spread them out, but why not just get them all done in one fell swoop. Be happy they're not really long ones. I am.

Since they would make the homepage ridiculously long, I'm going to put them all in the extended post.

Updated (1/9/09): Changed answers to #86 and #89 in the Try Me meme.