kapgar

And don'cha come back...

I really don't want to sound like this post is meant to degrade or take anything away from the great state of Idaho.  I've never been there before so who am I to pass judgment, right?  I wouldn't mind visiting sometime, to be honest.

Okay, pleasantries and apologies aside...

I read on Snopes today that the Idaho Legislature passed a resolution commending filmmakers Jared and Jarusha Hess for the many ways in which their film Napoleon Dynamite portrays the positives of life in Idaho.

I have seen Napoleon Dynamite and, while I would agree that it doesn't make fun of Idaho, per se, I never really perceived the film as complimentary of life in the state either.

I would just like to take a moment to make mention of some of what I perceived to be the funnier points of this resolution...

WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention;

Hahahahahahaha!!!!

WHEREAS, Uncle Rico's football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics;

Ummm, is that really something to be proud of?

WHEREAS, Napoleon's bicycle and Kip's skateboard promote better air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation;

Yeah, but wouldn't insurance premiums rise a bit considering Napoleon's penchant for "sweet jumps"?

WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns;

Isn't this what freelance web and graphic design are for?  Damn, and I thought I stood a chance in the world...

WHEREAS, Napoleon's tetherball dexterity emphasizes the importance of physical education in Idaho public schools;

Oh, those poor children have no hope whatsoever, do they?

WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"

Yeah, you'd have to be a Freakin' Idiot to vote against this.  The negative press would kill any chance of a re-election.

I am now awaiting the e-mail that will inform me of the nation's first instance of a restraining order taken out by an entire state against a solitary individual.  I'm sure it will read something like...

Dear Kevin "Freakin' Idiot" Apgar,

While we appreciate your initial attempts at "smoothing things over," per se, at the beginning of your blog post dated November 28, 2005, found at http://kapgar.typepad.com, we must take this opportunity to inform you that you are not welcome in the State of Idaho, nor will you ever be.

We take our state very seriously and do not appreciate your attempts at humor.

Should you ever come within 500 feet of our state's borders, all law enforcement officials and duly deputized citizens have been instructed to beat you with nunchakus and/or shoot you on sight, whichever proves most convenient in the given situation.  Should you, somehow, make it through this first line of defense, a pack of rogue llamas have been trained to detect your particular "odor" and will spit you into submission at which time you will be apprehended, tied to a pole, and shown the true power of our fully armed and operational Youth Tetherball League.

Sincerely,

Representative Larry Bradford
House of Representatives
State of Idaho
U.S.A.

P.S. You are no longer welcome to dine on tater tots, either.

I'm hosed.  My current Dave-o-Sketch reading seems to agree...

I smell a lawsuit.

Ah, more e-mail fun this morning.

Chavez v. Netflix, Inc.
If you were offered the opportunity to jump in on a class action settlement bandwagon, would you do so?

I received an e-mail from Netflix today detailing a settlement in a class action lawsuit against them by some bonehead named Chavez who claimed that "Netflix failed to provide 'unlimited' DVD rentals and 'one day delivery' as promised in its marketing materials."

Umm... okay.  Whatever, dude.  Maybe you're just strange, but I seem to get an unlimited number of rentals so long as I return them on time.  And, almost all of my rentals have been one-day delivery as promised.  A few have ventured beyond that time span, but I would be more prone to blaming the U.S. Postal Service than Netflix.

Well, it would seem that Netflix is settling it all by providing a free one-month upgrade in service to anyone who wants to take part in it.  This means that I would be bumped up from a three-at-a-time plan to a four-at-a-time plan.  And only for one month. 

Considering how little I've been watching movies lately due to the new TV season, I don't think that fourth DVD would get much action other than sitting on my turntable with the rest while I wait for a window of opportunity in which to watch it.

In this case, I don't think I will be participating.  It's such a minimal payout and I've otherwise been very happy with the Netflix service.  I have no bone to pick with them.  If it was Blockbuster Video, I'd be all over it regardless of how minimal the payout was simply because I hate them and they've screwed me over enough that I would relish the payback. 

What would you do?  What have you done in the past?

But this was not the only interesting e-mail I found this morning...

Celebrity Art Exhibit Friday at Crobar
I'm not sure if you're at all familiar with Crobar.  It's a bar and nightclub in downtown Chicago that has a bit of a reputation (or, at least, it had a bit of reputation) as a leather bar and... well... if it helps paint a mental picture, former Chicago Bull Dennis Rodman frequented the place.  Getting the idea?  I thought you might.

Perhaps my mental perception is a bit off-base.  If so, to the Crobar crew, I apologize.

This e-mail was actually delivered to my junkmail folder because it came from a name that the Hotmail system didn't recognize.  I don't even recognize it nor do I have any idea how I would have ended up on a Crobar mailing list.  The potential explanations terrify me.  I'd really rather not go into them.

The exhibit is called, interestingly enough, "Hard Men."

You'd think I would have stopped reading right there, wouldn't you?

I didn't.

It was, thankfully, followed up with this description...

An Exhibition of Art by Charles Bronson, George Foreman, Muhammad Ali, Anthony Quinn, Sly Stallone, Evel Knievel, Robert Mitchum

Curated by Baird Jones
Friday, Nov. 4, 2005, 10:00 - midnight
Crobar Nightclub, 530 w 28th St. (between 10th and 11th Aves.)

In all honesty, it sounds a bit intriguing.  I'd love to see what Anthony Quinn would call art.  Muhammad Ali... not so much.  It might wind up being a recycled cardboard box.

“Starfighter” Video Game Led to Youth Saving Galaxy
Okay, this one is not an e-mail but a Bloglines link to a Digg submission regarding a Daily Gaming News article (catch all that?).  All I can say is bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

I guess you have to know The Last Starfighter to understand.

We are the champions, my friends...

Well, more specifically, the Chicago White Sox are the champions... er... my friends.

Finishing out a season in which everyone was convinced they would eventually roll over and die like a fish caught on dry land, the White Sox have won the World Series.  Were there some controversial calls?  Yep.  Did the Sox catch a ton of breaks that they probably should not have?  Yep.  But do they still deserve it?  You betcha.

So my sincere congratulations (and my envy) go to Sox players and true Sox fans in the world.  It's been 88 years.  Have some fun with this.

"Cubbies, come out to play-i-ay!" 

The heat is now on for my Cubbies. 

Before these last couple of seasons, they had fallback excuses.  Any time they failed to do well in the regular or post season, they could always just say "wait until next year" and point to their fellow perennial losers, the Boston Red Sox and the Chicago White Sox.  And, for some reason, we fans would accept that.  Not anymore, guys.  They both have won World Series titles and swept their way to it, no less.

"Lovable Losers" just ain't gonna cut it anymore.  There are no excuses left.  In my mind, right now, you're just "losers," plain and simple.  Stop blaming the goat and Bartman and just play.  And you'd better do it soon.  I get the feeling that my fellow Chicagoans' patience is going to be running quite thin this next season and you might see some defection.  The "Friendly Confines" had damned well better become the place where opposing teams come to die.

At least it's nice to see one Chicago team playing baseball.  Dunno what the Cubs were playing this year, but it certainly wasn't Major League-caliber baseball.  I'd venture a bet that our local minor league team, the Kane County Cougars, could have a field day on the Cubs.

Oh, and I'm still working on my Halloween meme and it will come out later today.  Don't think I'm using this as my only post for the day.  Yep, it will be another multipost kind of day here at Kapgar.com.  Woo hoo!

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way...

When I read this bit of news this morning, I wanted to cry.

In a weekend in which Aardman Studios took the #1 spot at the box office with their claymation hit Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, they also took a big hit when a fire scorched a warehouse where most of their sets, memorabilia, and awards were being housed.

So much film and animation history destroyed, never to be recovered.  That is terrible.

But, you've gotta admire W&G creator Nick Park who decided he had no choice other than to take it all in stride especially when he thought about this event in light of the earthquake in Pakistan and India.  Despite the loss, he still feels lucky.  Most people would whine about their loss (or, in my case, whine about someone else's loss... go fig), but here is Park putting it all in perspective.

And now for something completely different...

Random Act of Senseless Thought:
I don't know why, but it seemed to me that I needed a section in which I can just post random thoughts that I might have about anything and just post it to see what anyone has to say about it all.  I know that most of the stuff I post is kinda like this, but these will just be brief snippets.  Nothing that really merits an entire post.  They will likely just be tacked on the end of a larger post.  And I have no idea how often they will pop in my head.  So here's my first...

If the Winnipeg Jets play the San Jose Sharks (NHL), would the organist play nothing but West Side Story tunes?

Yeah, that was bad.  I admit it.

There goes my hero...

Maybe this was announced a while ago, but this morning was the first I'd heard about former U.S. Marine Captain Josh Rushing taking a job with the English language branch of Al Jazeera television.  I found out while watching Today and they were postulating about whether or not it was a good idea.

Two words... HELL and YES!

C'mon, people.  Much of the Arab world hates the U.S.  They have hated us for years for any number of reasons.  So, if they are willing to take on a red-blooded U.S. Marine to work as a correspondent, on-air personality, writer, producer, consultant, whatever (his official job capacity has not yet been determined), how can it be a bad thing? 

If there is a better example of a person who believes in the "American Ideal," I am hard pressed to think of who it might be.

But it's not as though his viewpoints are 100% pro-American.  Rushing was the U.S. Public Relations Officer that played a large part in the documentary Control Room all about the behind-the-scenes operations at Al Jazeera.  His character, from what I've read (I have yet to see the movie, but my brother in law says it was amazing), evolves greatly through the course of the film in his growing understanding of both Muslim and American viewpoints.  Hence why he was chosen by Al Jazeera.

Conservatives, according to Today, are afraid that he will not be able to properly represent the viewpoints he plans to bring to the table with Al Jazeera.  I don't think anybody can legitimately expect them to accept our views.  It just won't happen, but at least they are willing to try.  And Rushing is willing to be the first to jump in the fire.

Will he wind up a scapegoat?  Yep.

Will he take a lot of flack not just because he is an American but because he was also part of the U.S. military?  You bet.

Does he know it?  Absolutely.  And he is more than willing to take it, he says.

But he also is being given the opportunity to bring at least a little balance to what many people claim is very biased reporting.  Hiring someone to work the "other side of the fence" is just plain smart on the part of Al Jazeera.  Whether or not they will make the most of this opportunity remains to be seen.  Lots of things remain to be seen.

Good luck, Josh.  I'm hoping this works out for the best.  God knows our country needs any positive PR it can get in the world arena.  And I think we all know why we are in this PR quagmire, don't we...

My brother in law forwarded this photo to me from Yahoo News/AFP with the following message...

I thought this picture was funny.  Bush is talking about the "No Child Left Behind" issue and it distinctly says "Left Behind" in the background of the picture.  Having that behind him was perfect just because I don't know anybody who doesn't think he should have been left behind as a child... we won't even get into his presidency.  But how funny is it that he preaches about this topic when we all know he had to have been one of the dumbest kids in his school as a child?  About the picture, though, either that is just coincidence or the photographer had been waiting all day for him to stand right there.  "Come on, Georgie!  One step to the right.  Perfect!!"

It is a beautiful picture, Scott.  Thanks for the laugh.  Thus, proving that a picture really is worth a thousand words... or, more appropriately, a thousand mispronounced words.

Naughty girls need love too.

After closing the gym last night, Katie and I went out with our friends J and K (no Men in Black jokes, thank you; just trying to maintain some semblance of anonymity here) to eat at a place called McNally's in St. Charles and we followed that up listening to some live blues music at Chord on Blues also in St. Charles.

We were talking about anything and everything at McNally's -- sports, politics, video games, family, friends, getting drunk.  Typical barroom banter.

Then J told me that he and K (oh yeah, to clarify, J is male and K is female, husband and wife) were listening to sports radio the other day and the DJs recited some statistic about how 57% of women polled said they would cheat on their male significant other for a chance to "be with" Angelina Jolie. 

57%... women... with... Angelina Jolie.

Woah.

That's when K chimed in saying that she would, too.

Again... woah.

J said he'd let her.  So long as he could watch, videotape, etc.  I think that's the typical male response to something like that. 

That would be my response if Katie said that. 

Of course Katie, not being much of a Jolie-camp supporter, said she would be part of the 43% minority.  But if Jennifer Aniston were to make the offer... just kidding.

Oh yeah, according to the poll, Britney Spears came in second at 23% (that's just sick and wrong, ladies; have you no taste?), 12% with Paris Hilton, and a mere 4% with Beyonce (only 4?!?!).

Aside from the actual results of the survey and the reponses by our respective female counterparts, the one thing that makes me curious regarding this whole thing is... who thinks up these things?  Is there actually a job title for these people and they get paid for it?  "Lesbian Love Survey Coordinator" or some such?  And after thinking up a question such as this, who actually has the cojones enough to go out and ask random women their opinion regarding it?  Are women that open to suggestion anymore that you can just walk up to them randomly and ask, "would you sleep with Angelina Jolie given the chance?" without risk of bodily harm, permanent or otherwise?

Okay, yes, these were current college students that were polled, and the survey was conducted by Playboy magazine, but I still think it would take some cojones de piedra to ask the question. 

I don't want to be the one to find out.

I want to ride my bicycle...

Lance Armstrong wins his seventh Tour de France!!!

Oh wait, that was some time ago.

Lance Armstrong is retiring at the top of his game!!!

Again, old news.

Lance Armstrong is coming back!!!

Well, that's the rumor anyway. 

Amid the rampant accusations that he is a doper and the claims by a French newspaper that it has proof he was on a drug called EPO during his first tour, rumors have risen to the surface that Lance Armstrong may return to ride another Tour.  Well, his return seems a pretty sure bet amongst gamblers.

Why the hell not?  I think it's great.  Stick it to the Frogs on their home turf in their race for national pride.  Make it eight straight and, even if they continue to claim that you were on drugs for your first Tour win, you will still have seven "undoped" wins to flaunt in their faces.

The way I look at it, he's in the best shape of his life and he only retired a month or so ago, so why not return while you're still great?  It's not as though you've taken time off after your retirement like oh say Magic Johnson or Michael Jordan and then try to make your comeback. He's been peddling his butt off six hours a day every day since announcing his retirement. 

Oh, and a little pharmaceutical lesson for the French... EPO (also known as Erythropoietin) is a drug used to help boost blood cell count that can be hindered by cancer treatment, among other things.  Even if Lance was on EPO, wouldn't it be excusable considering the Tour they claim to have evidence he doped during was his first, the 1999 Tour de France, a mere two-and-a-half years after he was diagnosed with cancer?  He wasn't doing it for competitive advantage.  He was doing it to live.  And that's only if he really was on it, which I'm not sure I believe.

Do it, Lance!  Forget the critics!  Forget the French!  As per the infamous Nike ads... Just Do It!

I did find this one funny... it's a spoof article pondering whether Lance's decision is actually just 'roid rage.

Instant karma's gonna getcha...

Like any other person with any shred of emotion or empathy, I feel terrible for what has happened to those living on the Gulf Coast in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.  You all took a helluva Cat-5 wallop and I am hoping you pull through it okay.

However, I am saddened, shocked, angered, you name it, regarding how people have been taking advantage of this horrible situation or just simply making things worse than they already are.

One day, you're battening down the hatches against the storm of your lifetime and, even when it's over, it's not over.  Now you must defend yourself against looters and rioters and all the other dregs of society that floated to the surface when the levees broke and flooded the streets.

And it's shameful.  Plain and simple.

To some degree, I can understand scavenging to get the basics for survival. You need food and water to survive. But then you get people breaking into stores and stealing entirely unnecessary items like New Orleans Saints jerseys, new shoes, and TVs.  Ummm, correct me if I'm wrong, but a Saints jersey is not going to help you get back your life from this disaster, is it?  The streets are flooded, what good are new shoes going to do?  And how do you plan to watch your new five-finger-discount television when the likelihood is that you won't have electricity for another few weeks? (Photo courtesy of MSNBC.com)

Instead of using this opportunity to turn a personal profit, why aren't more people trying to show the better side of humanity?  Why aren't people helping each other? 

What we have, instead, is armed gangs of looters running free in the streets.  The military, as a result, is increasing National Guard presence to 30,000 and is even going to send in regular Army troops as support. NBC is sending over private security to protect reporters and cameramen to allow them to do their jobs in relative peace.  When I read the headline "NBC sends armed guards to lawless Gulf Coast" I couldn't help but laugh because it sounds like some cheesy spaghetti western. 

Then the reality of it all set in.  My God, so many people on the Gulf Coast are no better than common criminals.  They are the scourge of the Earth and now we need armed military to protect against them.  When did New Orleans and Gulfport become Baghdad? 

Children have been separated from their parents and must dodge random gunfire in the search for their family.  How wrong is that?

For those residents that are trying to be as correct about their self-relief efforts as possible by waiting in lines and paying when necessary and not wielding a gun, I applaud you.  To those who are helping others whom they have never met before and likely will never see again but are doing so because of a sense of moral obligation, I bow before you.

To those who are looting, beating, price gouging (*cough* BP *cough*), and causing general havoc in the midst of one of the nation's greatest natural tragedies, you'd better be prepared.  Karma will get you.  And I hope it hurts.

We will, we will rock you.

Victory was ours last night!  The Bears won!  Woo hoo!

But it almost didn't work out for us.

For the first half of the game (and a little of the third quarter), the Bears current starting quarterback, Chad Hutchinson, just played terribly.  Overthrew, underthrew, sacked, you name it.  He completed only 3 of 14 passes for 33 yards.  He was also sacked twice.

I felt horribly for the guy.  Katie and I both actually like him.  He's a decent guy, but he just doesn't have what it takes to be a starting quarterback, apparently.  Everyone was booing him as were the three guys with me at the game.  I was uttering good luck wishes to him under my breath.  But each time I did that, he only made matters worse. 

Then, when they finally brought rookie Kyle Orton in to the game in the third quarter, he gets the ball downfield and the Bears score a touchdown.  Nothing like salt on Hutchinson's open wound.  Odds are pretty good Orton will get the nod as the Bears' new starter.

I really wanted the guy to play a great game as there was talk that this preseason game was Hutch's last chance to prove his mettle or he would lose the job.  I think it's lost.  My friends and several callers into some of the post-game AM radio shows were even wondering if he would make the regular season roster at this point.  I don't think he did that terribly, but who knows how coaches and general managers think?  You never can say.

Overall, though, the game was great and we all had a lot of fun.  I downed five beers, three of which came before the end of the first quarter.  Considering how little I ate yesterday, that probably wasn't the best idea.  But I wasn't driving, so who really cares?  My friend, Jason, had eight beers.  So I don't feel like as much of a souse. 

Well, the Bears won and we nearly lost our voices cheering.  Can't get much better than that.

This is the end, my only friend...

I tried to call Katie this morning on her cellphone and this is the message that I got...

Please wait while the Sprint customer you are trying to reach is located.

Oh dear God, no.  It has happened.  We are Nextel customers and I was horrified, a few months ago, to discover that Nextel was merging with what is easily rated the worst cellular service in the Chicago area... Sprint.

Sprint is notorious in our area for having the worst coverage and the highest dropoff rate around.  I know friends who signed with Sprint and were kicking and screaming until the end of their contracts because they just couldn't wait until the agony was over and they could bail out to another... any other... service provider.

The last time I ever heard such negative regard for such a popular company was AOHell due to their incessant pop-ups and advertising and just general pain-in-the-ass procedures.

Now, we are becoming one with them.  And it pains me.

From what I've read, Nextel customers are being switched over to Sprint's service and towers.  This explains the difficulty Katie and I had talking to each other today when I finally did get a hold of her.  We both had five bars of service and were still having difficulty understanding each other.  Also, we were in our cars while talking and, in areas that we normally have service, we did not, and vice versa. 

This is going to be a painful transition period.

Do you think it's possible to be let out of a cellular contract because the company with which you started your contract no longer exists as it did when you signed on the dotted line?  Would this constitute a breach of contract?  Hell, considering our service will likely go to pot, this is a definite breach of contract in that they are no longer providing the quality of service they promised me.

Yeah, right.  That one would hold up.

One can hope.