kapgar

And no matter what you say or do...

Just when you think things can’t get worse for Van Halen, they do.

For one, they haven’t put out a studio album since I was still an undergrad in college putting it sometime before 1997. Yeah, they had that Best of Both Worlds hits collection a year or so ago with a few new songs, but that’s been about it. Three songs does not a new studio album make.

For years, we Van Halen fans suffered through a prolonged will they/won’t they complex in which we battled amongst ourselves about whether the brothers Van Halen and their bassist Michael Anthony would rehire original vocalist David Lee Roth or second vocalist Sammy Hagar as their singer, record an album, and hit the road. A few years ago, they did rehire Hagar, albeit briefly, for a tour and the three new tracks on BOBW.

Soon after, Sammy returned to his own solo band, The Waboritas, and VH returned to their perpetual state of professional silence.

This morning, at the gym, I opened up a copy of RedEye, a subsidiary tabloid-style newspaper put out by The Chicago Tribune, and found a snippet about VH in the “Whoville” section on page 75 (that’s how much merit stories about Van Halen warrant anymore). Here’s the text of the article…

A Family Affair
Van Halen is becoming a family band. Eddie Van Halen has tapped his 15-year-old son, Wolfgang, to replace Michael Anthony as bassist, billboard.com reports.

It is unknown who will serve as the band’s vocalist for the 2007 tour, but rumors continue to swirl that David Lee Roth will be back in the fold for the first time in more than 20 years.

The ever-articulate Roth said he thinks a reunion is “absolutely as an inevitability.”

“To me, it’s not rocket surgery,” Roth said. “It’s very simple to put together. And as far as hurt feelings and water under the dam, like what’s-her-name says to what’s-her-name at the end of the movie ‘Chicago’ – ‘So what? It’s showbiz!’ So I definitely see it happening.”

Three letters for ya here… WTF?!?!

Not just about Wolfgang on bass, but “absolutely as an inevitability”?!?! What does that mean???

“Rocket surgery”?!?! Huhwhudda???

“Water under the dam”?!?!  Oooooohhhhh… my brain hurts.

How much colloquialism mixing can this guy manage in one interview? Rocket Science + Brain Surgery as well as Water Under the Bridge + Water Over the Dam. What’s next? Is he really the best answer for Van Halen? What about having a incoherent, rambling ass like that around your teenaged son? I’m sure Valerie’s loving it right now.

Oh VH, how I loved thee. What the hell happened to you?

Rain, rain, go away...

I hate waking up in the morning to the pounding of rain against the siding, roofing, and windows of our house. That's never a good sign. What's especially disconcerting is that I can tell, simply by the pitch, that it is a particularly cold and nasty rain. Ever noticed that before? There's just something different to the audible quality of it. This morning, for example, it had a bit more "slosh" to it. Okay, maybe it's just me, but it sounded bad.

It was a strange weekend for many reasons. For one, the Bears lost badly to a team they should not have lost to. And I'm pretty sure all three of my fantasy football teams lost this weekend, too, simply because I forgot to play. I started to look at them early in the week with the intention of fine tuning my lineups on Friday. But I never got around to it. Considering all the players I had on a bye week, I would've needed to make some major add/drops for it all to work out. Alas, I did not. And I'm sure I'll be paying for it. Oh well.

What else happened? I think I'll take a bullet approach to it all.

• Borat took over the box office and I'm still not entirely convinced it's a movie I want to see. We did go out with my brother and FSiL on Saturday and we saw Employee of the Month. Not as bad as I was expecting, but it was far from great. And not the best way to return to a theater after nearly two months in absentia. But, then again, there really isn't too much out there right now.
• Checking through my TiVo's to-do list for the next couple weeks, I was reassured to see two more episodes of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip scheduled to record. It's not dead yet! Yay!
• The O.C. is moving back to its original Wednesday night slot due to poor ratings during its season premiere last week. It was on? More shockingly, it's actually still on the Fox schedule?
• Neil Patrick Harris came out of the closet. I never really saw this one coming. I'm happy as hell for him, but was in complete shock when Katie told me.
• And in more serious news, Saddam Hussein was found guilty (no shocker there) and has been sentenced to hang. Let's just say they better carry out this execution by the end of the year or it will never happen. Actually, I think it might need to happen before the end of the week. Call it "Kevin's Dire Prediction" if you will. But this is just how I see it.

There's a party goin' on right here...

I heard a crazy little rumor that the World Series wrapped up this weekend.

Wrapped up? Hell, I barely noticed that it even started.

I don't want to take anything away from the St. Louis Cardinals and their World Series win, but for such a big deal event in which the "best" team in Major League Baseball is crowned as champion, it sure seemed to pass without creating so much as a blip on my radar. I think the entire story warranted nothing more than a bottom corner of the sports page of  one of our local papers. Hell, the Red Sox, when they won two seasons ago, got banner headlines... in Chicago newspapers!

Perhaps this is Chicago's revenge for having the White Sox relegated to a call-out circle on the cover of Sports Illustrated after winning the whole shebang as opposed to being given the entire cover like so many World Series champs before.

So is it just a Chicago thing that nobody really knew or gave a rat's ass about the Series this year? Were we just oblivious because we didn't have a team in there? Or am I not the only one around the country who thought this baseball season just wasn't worth squat and we should, finally, officially crown football as "America's Sport"?

"I think we shocked the world," World Series MVP David Eckstein was quoted as saying.

I'll bet you did, but not in the way that you may be thinking.

Fox on the run...

The headline in the print version of an article I saw in a local newspaper yesterday read "Michael J. Fox stumps for Duckworth." So, when considered along with the accompanying photo, can someone please tell me why I feel so enraged?

After some research, I discovered that this headline was part of an Associated Press article. Of course, when they type something, their subscriber papers run with the articles hook, line, and sinker.

Thankfully, the local newspaper I was reading changed the headline in their online edition. It was replaced with "Fox's drive for stem cell research stops in Wheaton." But that doesn't help the fact that the bad headline made it to press and was in circulation with the suspect headline in several newspapers including The Chicago Tribune.

How does that one make it past editors? Inexcusable.

For the record, Tammy Duckworth is running as a Democrat for the 6th Congressional District in the western Chicago suburbs. She is an Iraq War veteran who lost both her legs above the knees in an accident on November 12, 2004, while serving as an Army helicopter pilot.

Who in the world do you think you are...

I just read word about a third school shooting within the span of a week. In this case, a 32-year-old man broke his way into an Amish school in Nickel Mines, PA, and, much like the situation in Bailey, CO, last week, kicked most people out save for a few girls.

After some to do with the state police, he killed three girls execution style and then shot himself.

Whatever happened to the relative safety that we enjoyed when we were kids?

For the record, I am 31 years old(I will be 32 in December). I started kindergarten in 1980 and high school in 1989... just in case you needed some point of reference.

Did I live in a bubble when I was in school? Did this sort of stuff happen back then and I was just completely oblivious? Or did it happen and just not wind up as such an enormously newsworthy bit because there was no World Wide Web to proliferate it out to the ignorant masses?

I hate to pull the "Grumpy Old Man" bit from SNL, but back in my day (oh dear sweet God), we never worried about this sort of shit. We never had nor needed metal detectors at school. We didn't need state police-trained security. My parents and other visitors were able to come and go so long as they informed the front office and, occasionally, my dad even dropped by for lunch when he had a free moment. I went to school and, while I may have feared the occasional fight with a bully, I never had many worries other than that.

I would hate to be a kid in this day and age, though. There is so much crap happening that is beyond their control that threatens to take away their innocence with no warning whatsoever.

And to be a parent sweating out each day that your child is in school is probably the number one thing making me wary about the jump into parenthood. Public. Private. Large. Small. Rural. Urban. Religious. Non-denominational. It doesn't matter anymore. Nobody is exempt.

It truly terrifies me.

Why is our world so messed up? And why did it suddenly seem to go downhill so damn quick?

He would sing his, "Go, Cubs, Go!"...

Wanna hear something funny? I'm finally starting to get into the baseball season. Just in time for... the end of the season. Heh.

Now you wanna hear why? Because the Cubs, whom I like a lot, but have despised with a passion this season, may finally do some good next year. Not only has team President Andy MacPhail (or "MacFAIL," as we like to refer to him) stepped down, but the Cubs' press corps have announced that Manager Dusty Baker will not be back next year either.

Woo hoo!!!

The Cubs may actually stand a chance.

Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, good bye!

Has Joe Girardi been given his walking papers down in Florida yet? He'd be a great manager! We'd welcome him back to the Friendly Confines considering both that he's a former Cub (1989-92 and 2000-02) and what he's done for the Marlins.

Sorry if you non-baseball types find this post boring. But someone out there will appreciate it. I hope.

I am Iron Man...

I am a fan of Robert Downey Jr. Always have been a fan. He always plays quirky, flawed characters that you just can't help but love. And this despite how screwed up his real life tends to be.

I loved him in stuff like Heart and Souls and Chances Are. He was great in Two Girls and a Guy, Wonder Boys, and Good Night and Good Luck.  Of course, who can forget such 80s classics as Johnny Be Good and Weird Science? And I really thought he was spectacular in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. He was also the best Charlie Chaplin since the man himself.

But now he's been confirmed for a role I never thought I would see him take... a superhero. More specifically Iron Man.

Iron Man is not one of the more recognizable comic book superhero of all time. In fact, more people may recognize the name from the Black Sabbath song than from the comic book.

So not only am I surprised that Downey is playing the role, I'm simply surprised it's being made at all.

But, I'll probably see it. It has Downey in the title role and it's being directed by Jon Favreau of Swingers, Made, and Elf fame. Both can be pretty quirky kinds of guys so that may bode well for this movie.

Darkness falls across the land...

And yesterday started out so beautiful. A cool start to the fall. Bright and shiny.

And then it all went to hell.

About a half hour before work was to end, I got a call from my father-in-law that the western edge of the suburb where I work all the way north to where Katie works was under a tornado warning.

Of course, being me, I left work instead of seeking cover. It was still decent enough out so I hightailed it to my truck and got my cameras ready.

Within about five minutes, everything around me was covered in swirling grey clouds. Occasionally, I experience a fast-moving scud cloud of pure white whipping in front of the more ominous clouds above. By the time I got home, the rain was coming down in sheets and tornado sirens were blaring everywhere. Katie was hearing sirens up by her and was also getting hail during her ride home.

We both made it home okay. Obviously.

But, damn if it didn't make for great photo ops. Unfortunately, my digital camera only took one good shot. The rest, I hope, are on my Minolta. I'll have to wait and have those processed to see how they turned out.

For now, though, check out how Batavia and Geneva, IL, looked at about 5:00 p.m. last night...

Click for a larger view.

It's a shame about ray...

I knew this was going to happen, but I restrained from writing about it because I really wanted to believe that the very prospect of it was ridiculous, at best. However...

Last night while closing the gym, Katie became transfixed by whatever was playing on one of the TVs. I stopped to check it out and discovered they were reporting about how upwards of a dozen stingray corpses had washed up on beaches along Queensland, Australia.

One theory, of course, being that these are revenge killings because of the death of Steve Irwin last week from a stingray barb piercing his heart. This would strike me as the logical explanation considering the timing and the otherwise nearly nonexistent probability of having that many "mutilated" stingray corpses washing up on beaches.

Three words... THIS IS SICK!

I can't believe some sick fucks out there in the world would think that the proper thing to do would be to take revenge on one of the most harmless creatures in the world for the death of Steve Irwin.

How can you people call yourselves fans and true believers of what the Crocodile Hunter stood for? Do you think he would want you to do this? Do you think he's sitting up in Heaven right now cheering on your "memorial tribute"?

NO!

He's just as disgusted as I am about this whole thing. He's cursing and swearing and wishing he could come back to life to bitch slap your worthless asses until you realize that what you are doing is wrong. WRONG! WRONG!

Goddammit. Get your heads out of your asses! If there is anything Steve would want you to do, it would be to educate yourself about the nature and habits of stingrays so that the same thing does not happen to you or someone you know and love. That's what Steve stood for... EDUCATION. And clearly you uneducated fucks can't grasp this concept.

Stingrays are some of the most beautiful and peaceful and magnificent creatures I have ever had the pleasure of beholding. They are elegant and calm and they wouldn't harm a fly unless provoked.

That's not to say that Steve provoked them. He came near one at what is typically perceived by them to be a hostile angle. So it lashed out. If it struck him anywhere else, he would've been laid up in bed for 48 hours with bodyaches (their venom is nonlethal to humans).

Instead, it unfortunately hit him in one area that is quite vulnerable. And it led to his death. It's sad, but it's not the fault of the stingray. If someone came from above you that you didn't recognize and looked like he was going to touch you, you'd react defensively, too. It's an animal response. It happens.

But, please, I know it's sad he's gone, but end these meaningless attacks immediately. This is the definition of pathetic. It's inhumane. It's barbaric. It needs to end.

I have swam with stingrays in the wild, held them, touched them, fed them. And I would hate to think that my fellow humans are capable of such vicious stupidity.

Please reassure me... my fellow man is not that ignorant is he?

There's simply no immunity...

Daniel Edwards is one sick bastard.

Drawing a blank on the name? Here is something to help jog your memory. He's the sculptor -- some might argue "artist" -- behind this...

Suddenly coming back to you, isn't it? Yep, that's Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug. It's pretty twisted that anyone would want to "memorialize" this with a sculpture that is on public display.

I realize that childbirth is one of the greatest things a person can be a part of. Hell, you're bringing new life into the world. Well, the woman is, while her spouse/mate/significant other gets their hand crushed or passes out cold in the OR. That person is a bit more peripheral to the process, but I'm sure it's important to them all the same.

However, regardless of how amazing a process it is, capturing it artistically remains a taboo area in my book. My wife has already warned me that there will be no still or video cameras in the room during the birthing process. I wholeheartedly agree. I wouldn't want photos of that. So I can't imagine what she'd say if asked about having the moment memorialized in clay.

I digress.