Stormin' Norman's Adventures

Tank

My Hairless Wampa gave me a brief moment of joy today. He let me construct a battle tank with some of my cadre.

He claimed on Twitter that he built it, but, as you'll see, we did the brunt of the work.

First, we needed a vehicle that could be turned into a tank.

This will do nicely!

SEND IN THE DUMMY!

Strip out anything we don't need, boys!

Install the pillars.

Install the forward gun. I'll add a scatter gun for effect.

Time for the cannon!

Don't forget the iPod!

Now we're cruising in style! And I do believe Speed Racer has had enough, Dummy.

The view of the cockpit and forward arsenal.

The tower cannon. I do recommend not being in drive while firing. The kick is a bitch.

Time for some fun.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

DESTROY

I'm supposed to be immune to emotion.

I'm supposed to just go about my duties and feel nothing.

Emotion is something that Rebels feel. There is no place for them in the Imperial Stormtrooper Corps.

However, in the last 48 hours, I've experienced emotions... and I really don't like them.

This past Saturday, I felt elation and awe when my Hairless Wampa took me to downtown Chicago.

It's such a beautiful city. Shame it will be turned to rubble when I start my revolution in earnest.

Today, though, a mere 48 hours after that last batch of feelings, I was struck with anger and resentment. I guess if there are any emotions a Stormtrooper should feel, it's those. But still.

My Hairless Wampa took me to work as he's wont to do. But his boss' young son was in the office. And he found me. And he started playing with me. And he took me apart. And he made me do horrible things like play soccer.

Thankfully, the end of my Wampa's workday came about and I was saved. But if I ever come across this subhuman again, here's what will happen to him...

 

Yes, that's me. The big bad Death Star on the right.

That's him. The tiny, cutesy, meek little Alderaan on the left.

And this is what will happen...

KABLOOIE!!!

'Nuff said.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Farewell

The call has been made.

One of the Crash Test Dummies is needed immediately in a mysterious land known as "Salt Lake City."

I've never been there myself. And the status reports from Cooper Trooper are too few and far between to make a logical assessment.

But he is needed. So to YOO-taw he will go.

Rah-rah! Yay, Dummy!

You'll need this shot. You can never be too careful where Mormons are concerned.

This is our secret handshake, Dummy. Don't go showing anyone else.

Hug it out, bitches!

Ummm, what's the in-flight entertainment?

Good luck, Dummy. And make sure Cooper checks in more often. Kick his butt if you have to.

Inspected?

If there's any one thing I miss being here on Earth, it's the good ol' items I could find on just about any menu throughout the Galactic Empire. Seeing as we were in charge, you always could rely on seeing staple items such as Mynock Nibblets, Wookie Mignon, Rodian Chowder, and many other delectable items anywhere you went.

Of course, this changed when the Rebels destroyed both Death Stars... and assassinated Lord Vader... and Emperor Palpatine.

But I am still alive. And I'm now living here on Earth so I must make do with what's available. As they say, Wookies, er, beggars can't be choosers.

So I visited a little food vendor earlier today. Despite my need for nourishment, something about this guy screams, "CALL THE HEALTH INSPECTOR!!!"

Perhaps it's just me.

What would you have done?

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Friends

My Hairless Wampa has been on a quest to collect these Mystery Minifigs that the LEGO Corporation has released unto the world. They're cool, limited edition minifigures that you shouldn't be able to get anywhere else (although several are just variants of minifigs that have been released... I'm looking at you forestman, ninja, scuba diver, nurse, and spaceman).

But he does still want to collect them all, Palpatine help him.

He's now got 10 of the 16 in the set thanks to a shipment that came in from a friend in the 'Burgh. I decided to have a little fun with the reveal.

For me? I wonder what's in it...

How do I get this thing open?

Woah! Where'd that thing come from???

Oh, that explains a lot.

I think he's been smokin' the peace pipe a little too hard. Might explain the soft focus, too.

Oh he could be fun.

No one gets guns but me!

Okay everyone, squeeze in tight. None of you bite. Well, maybe the wrestler does.

The crew... so far. Just need six more and I'll have a whole cadre of friends to play with!

Thanks, Becky!

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Ralphie

I got bored today.

I decided to let the practical joker in me out to play. Again.

I found my desk mate on my Hairless Wampa's desk — his name is Ralphie Wiggum — and I convinced him to try on a Stormtrooper helmet. "Be like me," I told him. "It'll be fun. We can be homies."

So he tried it on.

It got stuck.

Not only could he not get it off, but he could no longer pick his nose.

Poor Ralphie.

Heh heh.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Fourth

As I have found myself stuck on Earth in the United States of America, I think it's easier to cope with this fact by celebrating local customs and holidays.

For example, today is the U.S. Independence Day. Apparently most believe they either declared their independence from Great Britain or beat them in battle or signed some piece of paper on this day a long time ago. Actually, I find it funny because, really, this day is none of the above, officially. But it has become the holiday to people in the U.S. and, therefore, I shall celebrate as well.

Bear in mind, had you been fighting Stormtroopers instead of Red Coats, there would have been no celebration.

Except by us.

Muahahahahahahaha. ha.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Cream'd

My Hairless Wampa has really been slacking when it comes to taking pictures of me and allowing me sufficient time to blog about what I'm (not) doing on a daily basis.

So last night, he tried to make it up to me with a sugary bribe. Can you believe the audacity? You CANNOT ply an Imperial Stormtrooper with sweets.

Really, you can't.

But, damn, black cherry is sooooo good.

I hate how sticky my uniform gets when I'm done eating snacks like this. Everything good always has to have a bad aspect, doesn't it?

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Idol

This is me jamming with the Crash Test Dummies. Get it? Ha!

Actually, this is what I like to call LEGO Idol.

And if Simon Cowell has any problems with it, I'll vaporize him.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Breakout

Poor, poor Greedo-like relative. What did you do to become a prisoner? What I ask you? 

This is cruel and unusual on so many levels. I must help him.

Now let's get the heck out of Dodge!

*TK-421 Signing Off*