Stormin' Norman's Adventures

Walkabout

It doesn't have to be about me all the time on this blog, does it?

Wait, why am I asking? This is my blog, I can make of it whatever I want, right?

I just asked again. STOP THAT, ME!

Anyway, I wanted to bring to light a charitable effort being made by one of my full-sized brethren in the formal penal colony of Australia.

Paul French is taking part in a 4,000 kilometre (I have no idea how that translates into miles or parsecs or whatever) hike in full Stormtrooper gear (although his footwear doesn't look like standard Imperial issue) from Perth on the west coast of the penal colony to Sydney on the southeast coast. The walk is being done as a fundraiser for the Starlight Foundation.

There is a gallery of photos on the web featuring him in his walk that I encourage you all to check out. And if you live in Australia, go show the guy some love. If you don't, we may both pull a Lars Homestead on you and your family. Just sayin'.

Good luck, Paul.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Transport

It's time to check in with my nefarious clones and see if they've done as well as me in terms of acquiring effective and efficient modes of transportation to assist them in their conquest of this planet.

Trooper Tripp is takin' it to the streets very old school. By foot. Really? That's all you've got? Sure it's a big foot, but still.

Herb is learning to hitchhike. Inexpensive, sure. Efficient? That remains to be seen.

Rodney Rangerfield is doing slightly better. But if he's had a busy night out, as Rodney is wont to do, two wheels can be dangerous.

By far the winner is Cooper Trooper who managed to score himself a very nice ride. And one that shares his name to boot!

Cooper Trooper, FTW!

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Short

We have another clone amongst our ranks. One I feared may have gone AWOL when I deployed him to the beauty I'm told is the Pacific Northwest.

Well, he finally checked in the other day to report that his endeavors out amongst the trees and mountains are going so-so. It appears we will have to keep TK-418 and his Hairless Wampette (Miss Sizzle) on task.

Hmmm... "Little Short" may prove to be a little trying. He's already slacking off at the beach. LAZY TROOPER!

Oh, and I suddenly realized I forgot to welcome another clone to our little LEGO goon squad. He is TK-731 or, far more simply, "Pete."

He appears to be our technology guru. About time we got one of them. Earth technology is strange and complex.

His Hairless Wampette is Bubblewench.

Please welcome them both.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Dietary

Seems Rodney can't decide which one to drink...

He is looking a little pudgy around the edges, don'cha think?

Just what the heck is Kevin Spencer feeding him?

Yikes!

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Cloneship

Seems my clones are still up to no good out there on the planet. Excellent!

TK-217 has been working his dastardly magic in Malaysia...

While one of the elite me's has worked his way up to being the right-hand man of Montgomery Burns. I guess if we must sidle up to a partner to aid us in our conquest of this planet, you can do far worse than Monty Burns.

[thanks to *lynne* and claire]

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Rica

COSTA RICA?!?! SERIOUSLY??? Herman, you lucky sumbitch.

I really hate my Hairless Wampa right now.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Disrespect

There's nothing I hate more than when people don't show Stormtroopers the respect they so heartily deserve...

Get that Rebel slut off my brother-in-arms!

Stormtrooper heads? As fashion accessories? NOOOOOO!!!!

The injustice of this empty beer bottle was doled on Herman (IQ-074) by Bob.

Kevin Spencer wouldn't even open these bottles for Rodney Rangerfield (TK-6714).

I can't believe martymankins wouldn't share his pudding. Well he now has one ticked-off Cooper Trooper (TK-8629) on his hands.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Army building

My army lives!

Bear in mind, these are only the ones that have identified themselves so far. There are more coming.

Fear us.

(if you cannot immediately find this post down the line and want to read about my army's conquests, click the "Clones" link in the top menubar)

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Worship

Before I begin in earnest, I must welcome TK-6714 to the fold. He is calling himself "Rodney Rangerfield" and I hear he gets no respect. None, I tell ya.

Okay. Moving on.

I've been reading this interesting document here on Earth known as the Holy Bible. In it, they have these so-called 10 Commandments -- or "Decalogue" -- governing human behavior. So far, I've seen very few instances of humans actually adhering to them. Heathens. I love it.

Two of these 10 Commandments decree that "You shall not make for yourself an idol" and "You shall have no other Gods before me."

Umm, why not? I see no problem with either of these. Especially as they pertain to the Imperial Stormtrooper Corps. I provide the following as evidence in support of my claim...

It may not be obvious in this photo, but these little green "soldier-men" are totally worshiping me.

I know when to bow down in worship. And just because he's silver does not make him a false idol.

And if this doesn't make you drop to your knees in praise, nothing will. Hubba hubba!

Thank you GeekyTattoos.com!

*TK-421 Signing Off*

"Wars," Not "Gate"

This dispatch was received yesterday...

Deer Norman,
I heered you gotted my sekurity pikchur of wen i killed the reble scum. I em offishuly reporting for doody az a cloan for the Emperiel Armee. I had sum problims dooring the cloaning prasses. So I em a litle slo sumtimz. I wil hoapfily get ficksed sune.

Herman
Trooper #IQ-074

Please don't get me started on that dispatch. As a Magna Cum Laude graduate of Palpatine's Finishing School for Stormtrooper Youth, it was a painful read.

He's so "slo," in fact, that he showed up to the wrong movie...

Herman will be an interesting one.

*TK-421 Signing Off*