Stormin' Norman's Adventures

Walkabout

It doesn't have to be about me all the time on this blog, does it?

Wait, why am I asking? This is my blog, I can make of it whatever I want, right?

I just asked again. STOP THAT, ME!

Anyway, I wanted to bring to light a charitable effort being made by one of my full-sized brethren in the formal penal colony of Australia.

Paul French is taking part in a 4,000 kilometre (I have no idea how that translates into miles or parsecs or whatever) hike in full Stormtrooper gear (although his footwear doesn't look like standard Imperial issue) from Perth on the west coast of the penal colony to Sydney on the southeast coast. The walk is being done as a fundraiser for the Starlight Foundation.

There is a gallery of photos on the web featuring him in his walk that I encourage you all to check out. And if you live in Australia, go show the guy some love. If you don't, we may both pull a Lars Homestead on you and your family. Just sayin'.

Good luck, Paul.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

DESTROY

I'm supposed to be immune to emotion.

I'm supposed to just go about my duties and feel nothing.

Emotion is something that Rebels feel. There is no place for them in the Imperial Stormtrooper Corps.

However, in the last 48 hours, I've experienced emotions... and I really don't like them.

This past Saturday, I felt elation and awe when my Hairless Wampa took me to downtown Chicago.

It's such a beautiful city. Shame it will be turned to rubble when I start my revolution in earnest.

Today, though, a mere 48 hours after that last batch of feelings, I was struck with anger and resentment. I guess if there are any emotions a Stormtrooper should feel, it's those. But still.

My Hairless Wampa took me to work as he's wont to do. But his boss' young son was in the office. And he found me. And he started playing with me. And he took me apart. And he made me do horrible things like play soccer.

Thankfully, the end of my Wampa's workday came about and I was saved. But if I ever come across this subhuman again, here's what will happen to him...

 

Yes, that's me. The big bad Death Star on the right.

That's him. The tiny, cutesy, meek little Alderaan on the left.

And this is what will happen...

KABLOOIE!!!

'Nuff said.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Short

We have another clone amongst our ranks. One I feared may have gone AWOL when I deployed him to the beauty I'm told is the Pacific Northwest.

Well, he finally checked in the other day to report that his endeavors out amongst the trees and mountains are going so-so. It appears we will have to keep TK-418 and his Hairless Wampette (Miss Sizzle) on task.

Hmmm... "Little Short" may prove to be a little trying. He's already slacking off at the beach. LAZY TROOPER!

Oh, and I suddenly realized I forgot to welcome another clone to our little LEGO goon squad. He is TK-731 or, far more simply, "Pete."

He appears to be our technology guru. About time we got one of them. Earth technology is strange and complex.

His Hairless Wampette is Bubblewench.

Please welcome them both.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Baseball

I didn't mind when my Hairless Wampa made me a Blackhawks fan. They're exciting, fast-paced, incredibly cool, and, most importantly, winners!

But then he decided to make me a Cubs fan.

I'm sorry, but baseball is the antithesis of hockey. Anything that hockey is, baseball is not. And, clearly the Cubs are the antithesis of the Blackhawks. Whereas one is a winner, the other is anything but.

And, yet, here I am waving a Cubs flag as the Brewers from Milwaukee up in that Hothsconsin place (just much more temperate this go-round) as they lose in extra innings.

I feel I'm going to have to blast some winning mentality into them.

But, if there was one good thing, it's the beer. Hothsconsin has a lot of it. 

That Mr. Leinenkugel is good people.

Oh, and cheese.

Maybe Hothsconsin isn't so bad after all.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Allies

While on vacation with my Hairless Wampa, I managed to drum up some recruits. They may not be Lego, but they're certainly on our side!

The army grows!

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Tanning

Time to eliminate some of my pasty whiteness...

Anybody have any idea what color a green girl becomes when tanned?

I'm a bit scared to find out.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Cloneship

Seems my clones are still up to no good out there on the planet. Excellent!

TK-217 has been working his dastardly magic in Malaysia...

While one of the elite me's has worked his way up to being the right-hand man of Montgomery Burns. I guess if we must sidle up to a partner to aid us in our conquest of this planet, you can do far worse than Monty Burns.

[thanks to *lynne* and claire]

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Rica

COSTA RICA?!?! SERIOUSLY??? Herman, you lucky sumbitch.

I really hate my Hairless Wampa right now.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Eduardo

Time to introduce you to one of my newest clones. He is TK-521, but I call him Eduardo.

He recently traveled with the parental units of my Hairless Wampa out to a vast wasteland known as "Utah." Shame he couldn't have met up with Cooper Trooper. Oh the damage they could've done.

*TK-421 Signing Off*

Liquidated

I always wondered what stores meant by "liquidation." Now I know.

A local clone has proven himself worthy, as seen in security camera footage, by eliminating his Rebel opponent.

And then, of course, there are the conquest efforts being undertaken by my clone in the Great White North. I've been told it's called "Cah-nah-dah" -- the place where suntans and gold medal Olympic hockey dreams go to die. What the hell's that aboot?

Hmmm... I prefer Imperial black to Cah-nah-di-ahn red.

Funny, doesn't look much different than Hothsconsin.

DO NOT TRUST YOUR HAIRLESS WAMPA!!

Looks fun, and clean... ick.

Oh, he's hopped up on fresh ground coffee. Given the caffeine boost and the fact that Cah-nah-dah's only defense is the Royal Cah-nah-di-ahn Mounted Police, this conquest should take no time at all.

Well done, the both of you.

Report in with your names, soldiers, and I will make sure your permanent files reflect your accomplishments.

*TK-421 Signing Off*