Don't wanna dream no more...
Note: this is not an entry for the Lost Blogs/GBBMC promotion. This is a real post. Well, as "real" as it gets for me.
I woke up really early this morning. According to the clock, it was a little after two in the morning. And I didn't sleep that well from that point on through the rest of the night. Very fitful when I did sleep. And why? Because my messed-up dreams are back. And I don't think my mind could handle going through more than one of these in a single night.
Last night, time rewound itself a bit. Back to September 11, 2001. And, instead of being on my way to work in the relative comfort of Aurora, IL, like I was back on the actual date, I was in NYC. And I'm not happy about it either.
For some reason, I had been working throughout the night of September 10 on into the morning of September 11. At some point, very early in the morning, my workmate and I (I'm guessing this was some kind of business trip) went to a bar to get some drinks. I had a messenger bag and a stuffed teddy bear with me.
We looked up at the TV to see a news flash that a jet had hit one of the Twin Towers, so we rushed outside to see. There were many other people pouring out of buildings to see what had happened in addition to us. The Towers were a couple miles from our bar.
I don't know that I would call this "instinctive," but some personal force drove me to slowly walk towards the mayhem. Not that I was covering any sort of ground in a timely fashion, but I was moving forward toward the Towers. This was when we saw the second plane hit.
I turned to a friend who was standing by the door to the bar and yelled at him to grab my bag and the bear. He did and he brought them to me.
I looped the bag over my head and arm and tucked the bear under my arm and continued my trek toward the Towers. Slowly. Tentatively. Just watching the smoke pour out of the buildings.
I found myself walking across a long expanse of grass that was the yard of a church. The church itself was several hundred feet ahead of me still. And there were all kinds of buildings beyond it. The church was in color while the rest of the buildings were all greyed out. It reminded me a bit of Tim Burton's vision of Gotham City in the original Batman or the city from The Crow -- all dark and murky with only the church standing out against the grime serving as some sort of beacon.
It was then, as I walked on the grass, that the towers fell.
The great billows of grey smoke blew between all the buildings and I could see it coming towards me.
I ran like I've never run before.
I looked back over my shoulder and saw the smoke and dust engulf the church.
I kept running.
And I also kept a tight hold of that teddy bear. It was meant as a gift for Katie and I think clinging to it was like grasping at my last chance to survive. So long as I held the bear, there was hope.
I woke up.
I was nowhere near NYC when 9/11 happened. I don't personally know anyone who was killed in the attack, but I know a few people who were in the city when it was struck. Nothing happened to them, though.
So why did I have this dream? It was the first truly vivid and memorable dream I've had in months.
Oh, and as a note, this is not the first time I've dreamt of NYC and it's had that Burtonesque feel to it. Every time I've dreamed of NYC, it's appeared this way to me. I have visited NYC in the past (the last time being a year before 9/11) so I know what it really looks like. Yet it always has that grey visage in my dreams.
But this was the first time I ever saw the church in it.
I don't get it.
I hate dreams like that. Two nights ago I dreamed that I was in Thailand (a place I have not had the opportunity to visit). I was in some kind of stadium watching a sporting event when I heard a loud roaring noise and saw a huge tsunami headed for the stadium. It was...disturbing to say the least. And also not something I have ever dreamed about before. Maybe there's a full moon or something causing people to have weird dreams about catastrophic events?
Posted by: Nicole | Monday, 10 April 2006 at 06:26 PM
I'm suddenly happy I almost never remember my dreams.
Posted by: Rabbit | Monday, 10 April 2006 at 07:08 PM
Interestingly, there is a church that is right next to the hole where the towers once stood. Did you know that? I used to visit the city every year but I haven't been there now in about 3 years but I remember going to the memorial site and seeing that church with the soot and broken windows.
I have vivid dreams too. It's strange how they can affect you so much when you know it was only a dream.
Posted by: Jacquie | Monday, 10 April 2006 at 10:30 PM
Chilling. I tend to have more than the normal share of nightmares but I have never dreamt of 9/11. I do have dreams of tidal waves and tornadoes occasionally. They always scare the pajeebas out of me.
Posted by: Karl | Tuesday, 11 April 2006 at 12:17 AM
Did you know creative minds have much more vivid, elaborate dreams than non-creative types? Even in our sleep, our imaginations are at work.
I never know how to interpret dreams. My nightmares almost always involve a vicious killer pursuing me, or threatening a loved one. I HATE them. They haunt me for days sometimes.
Posted by: SJ | Tuesday, 11 April 2006 at 07:58 AM
I quite often have a running away from the falling towers dream. I always run past a triangular white building and then get pulled into a hotel lobby by an old Chinese man. No one in the hotel knows what is going on and don't react as the doors are blacked out by the dust.
I always feel disgusted by the people in the lobby... and they are becoming more numerous...
My dreams are becoming more vivid recently... it's so exciting and disturbing at the same time.
Posted by: bec (havucnmycaml) | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 11:28 AM
Have you seen the trailer for the movie based on 9/11 yet? I saw it in the theater a couple weeks ago. The title is "United 93"- I knew the flight number was familiar when I saw it, but it took a moment to sink in, and then I found the trailer immensely hard to watch.
Did you perhaps see it or read about it?
Posted by: claire | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 03:01 PM
Bec, very disturbing, indeed. And that you have had the dreams multiple times is really weird.
Claire, we actually saw it last night playing during our TiVosode of The Unit. I don't know if I can watch that movie. I know Katie can't. She even said as much last night during the trailer. I'm of the opinion that it's just way too soon for that sort of movie.
Posted by: Kevin | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 03:06 PM
I couldn't really think of who would be able to watch it when I saw it. It does feel soon, but it accomplishes one thing I'm glad of. Whenever 9/11 is brought up, people always refer to NYC while mostly neglecting mention of the Pentagon and Flight 93. In trying to think how to phrase it, it reminds me of how people talk(ed) about the hurricanes' affect on New Orleans even though it wiped out a much broader swath of the coast. Focusing/simplifying the event feels like a lack of acknowledgement to a lot of people in both cases.
Posted by: claire | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 03:21 PM
That's just a sign of where you come from in this country. For us here in Illinois, we heard a ton about Flight 93 because the guy who uttered the phrase "Let's Roll" (his name eludes me at the moment) is a graduate of local Elmhurst College and then his wife put out the book. He was a local hero. As was she for her bravery in spite of circumstances. It was all over the news here.
However, I will agree that I never heard jack about the Pentagon jet. That one was so glossed over, it could be considered negligence.
Posted by: Kevin | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 11:57 AM
Hmm. I've lived in the South, West coast, and Northeast since then, and it was still just NYC when people mentioned it. I confess I do have some opinions about NYC, "The City" as natives would call it, based on numerous encounters dating back to my youth. Though NYC was affected on the largest scale, it does bother me when I hear NYCers lay claim to the day as though the Pentagon and Flight 93 didn't occur.
Posted by: claire | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 12:36 PM
Yeah, that does bother me as well. I do understand that they have a little more vested with a far greater victim count, but, you're right, others were affected, too. And they tend to be glossed over.
Posted by: Kevin | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 12:41 PM
I had two dream the week before Sept.11th. In one I had a dream I was being chased by a bad crazy man in a weird hat and camouflage clothes-I thought he was crazy because he was screaming unintelligible things and he looked like he had a sheet wrapped/flying from him. He caught me, and I was silent, and another girl was standing to my left, staring ahead, shaking. All I was thinking in my dream was that I had warned the police about him and they did nothing. The police did nothing! The man had a big smile on his face and he stood in front of us both bringing the gun up and around her head and killed both of us girls with one shot-the bullet went thru her head and then mine, and we fell. Dream ended. My husband thought I was nuts, but I could not stop talking about the dark headed, bearded, crazy man and his eyes as he shot us. I told him, it was so realistic, and I was so upset that I had warned the police and they did nothing. The next dream was a few days later. My girls and I were home early in the morning, they had all stayed home from school except my 10 year old. We walked towards my bedroom window and looked north, the sky was a clear brilliant perfect not ultramarine but light phalo blue, no clouds-very rare. I was commenting on the sky when we saw a large airplane point straightdown and going to crash into what I though was our local college, a huge brick building-campus. I panicked and ran to get my 10 year old from school. Dream ended. Now, on the day of 9/11, I did not see the similarity of the twin towers, the crazy man who went unchecked, but I did remember the plane from the north coming straight down, aimed for a large building, and I literally ran up to the school and got my oldest out, and then drove to another brick school and got my 10 yr old. We all watched the skies because there were unconfirmed reports of a third plane. The third plane, Flight 93, had its last flight path over us as it turned towards the east.
In my opinion, God tells us when we need to know, through dreams, because that might be the only time we stay still enough to listen. I am not a prophet or psychic, but I do believe in God and these dreams were gifts. In the Bible it says the Holy Spirit will be poured out amongst God's people and His sons and daughters will prophesy. (Joel 2:28) There is a reason we are having these dreams, wake up and see why!
Posted by: Susan | Tuesday, 11 September 2007 at 08:15 AM
Wow! Those are some pretty intense dreams and to have had them just before 9/11 is even freakier. But I hear you when it comes to us needing to pay attention to our dreams sometimes.
Posted by: kapgar | Tuesday, 11 September 2007 at 11:14 AM