Empty head feels good, yeah (part 2)...
Try try try to understand, I'm a magic man...

Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on!

I know I have done this several times on my old static HTML blog. However, since this is the first year that I will be hosting my TV awards on this new site, I am going to start the numbering anew.

So welcome to the first-annual Primetime TV Kappy Awards. The only television awards show that truly matters!

[canned audience applause]

Why’s that, you ask?

Because they’re my opinions! Woo hoo!

[laugh track]

However, unlike in years past, Katie is actually going to be joining me on the voting and commenting process. After mere minutes of cajoling, she acquiesced. So another big woo hoo!

Here’s what is going to happen… I have three different categories of awards to present today: acting, shows, and miscellaneous. Pretty straight forward. However, I also, in some instances, delineate between “rookie” and “veteran” status. For the record, “veteran” refers to any actor or show that has been around since before this past season. Kiefer Sutherland, for example, is a veteran on 24 since he’s been on the show for five seasons now; the show, itself, also qualifies as veteran. “Rookie” refers either to an actor or show that is new at some point this season. However, it can also apply to an actor/actress that joined a veteran show just this season. Peter Weller is a rookie actor on the veteran show 24.

Making sense? Cool. Then let’s get started.

Acting Awards:

Veteran Actor in a Drama –

Katie: "Oh, it’s so tough to not give this one to Kiefer Sutherland, outright. Jaaaaack!"
Kevin: "However, this year it’s going to another very deserving bloke…"

Isaiah Washington as Dr. Preston Burke in Grey’s Anatomy

Veteran Actress in a Drama –

Katie: "I really have no idea who I want to give it to."
Kevin: "Okay, fine, I’ll pick one that's near and dear to my heart on a show you don’t yet watch…"

Kristen Bell as Veronica Mars

Veteran Actor in a Comedy –

Katie: "Mike Wazowski!"
Kevin: "No, it’s..."

John Krasinski as Jim Halpert on The Office

Veteran Actress in a Comedy –

Katie: "This one is not easy.
Kevin: "Yeah, it seems as though a lot of our faves have either disappeared or the quality of their acting has diminished. Hmmm… we’ve got Jim, why not the other half of the will-they-won’t-they…"

Jenna Fischer as Pam Beasley on The Office

Rookie Actor in a Drama –

Katie: "Palmer lives!"
Kevin: "And he’s got a gun!"

Dennis Haysbert as Jonas Blaine in The Unit

Rookie Actress in a Drama –

Katie: "As much as I wanna love CSI: NY because of Gary Sinise, it was tough going in the first season because the rest of the cast didn’t really mesh."
Kevin: "Yet, now, with the dumping of that one girl and the pick up of “Montana,” things are finally gelling. With that said…"

Anna Belknap as Det. Lindsay “Montana” Monroe in CSI: NY

Rookie Actor in a Comedy –

Kevin: "Okay, it’s not the greatest show on TV, but it’s starting to pick up steam. And, any time this guy is on screen, he steals the scene."
Katie: "SUIT UP!"

Neil Patrick Harris as Barney in How I Met Your Mother

Rookie Actress in a Comedy –

Katie: "I can't really come up with much so I was thinking maybe Alyson Hannigan in HIMYM."
Kevin: "SLUT UP! Yeah, she’s not bad, but I had another idea. What do you think of [whispers]?"
Katie: "Okay, cool."

Jamie Pressly as Joy Hickey on My Name is Earl

Rookie Kiddies/Teens –

Kevin: "I can’t think of any."
Katie: "How about the three from The War At Home."
Kevin: "Okay, which one?"
Katie: "Why not all three?"
Kevin: "Okay, I’m cool with it."

Kyle Sullivan, Kaylee DeFer, and Dean Collins as Larry, Hillary, and Mike on The War at Home

Veteran Kiddies/Teens –

Kevin: "Yeah, I’m just not feelin’ this one this year."
Katie: "Me neither."
Kevin: "Skip?"
Katie: "Sure."

One-Two Punch in a Drama –

Katie: "What the heck is this one for?"
Kevin: "The acting duo that works very well together."
Katie: "Oh, okay. I got it..."

Rob Morrow and David Krumholtz as Don and Charlie Eppes in NUMB3RS

One-Two Punch in a Comedy –

Kevin: "I got this one."
Katie: “You never listen to anything I say to you in bed, Earl.”

Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee as Earl and Randy Hickey in My Name is Earl

Veteran Ensemble Cast in a Drama –

Grey’s Anatomy

Veteran Ensemble Cast in a Comedy –

The Office

Rookie Ensemble in a Drama –

The Unit

Rookie Ensemble in a Comedy –

How I Met Your Mother

Best Comeback –

Katie: "My boy!"

Scott Foley as Bob Brown in The Unit

Best Recurring Guest Star Role

Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Denny in Grey's Anatomy

Best One-Off Guest Star Role –

T.K. Carter in In Justice

Best Actor Who Should Be Given Some Respect by Finally Being Made a Full-Time Cast Member –

Katie: "Wait a minute! He's not a regular cast member?"
Kevin: "Nope. Been listed as a guest star the whole season."
Katie: "But he's been on almost every episode."
Kevin: "Hence why he deserves this award."
Katie: "He's had more screen time, overall, than Judd Hirsch and Navi Rawat."
Kevin: "I know. And those two are regulars."

Dylan Bruno as Colby Granger in NUMB3RS

The Dark Alley Award –

Kevin: The what?
Katie: We give this to that one character in a show we'd never want to meet in a dark alley.
Kevin: I thought this was going to be called "The Bad Ass Award."
Katie: Eh, that just doesn't do it for me.

Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer in 24

Show Awards:

Best Veteran Drama –

Katie: "Can we call a tie?"
Kevin: "I’ve done it before so why not."

24 and Grey’s Anatomy

Best Veteran Comedy –

The Office

Best Rookie Drama –

Katie: "The show rocks!"

The Unit

Best Rookie Comedy –

Katie: "Another tie!"

My Name is Earl and How I Met Your Mother

Best Reality Show –

Katie: "Can I give it to Dancing With the Stars?"
Kevin: "Seriously?"
Katie: "Yes. Save a horse, ride a cowboy!"
Kevin: "Ummm… I’d prefer The Amazing Race 9 - the one without families."
Katie: "Okay fine."

The Amazing Race 9

Best Show That Was Canceled Too Soon –

Love Monkey

Biggest Save –

VH-1 picking up the remaining five episodes of Love Monkey after CBS dumped it. Great call, guys.

Biggest Drop Off in Quality –

Katie: "Oh so many to give this one to… Desperate Housewives, CSI: Miami, Will & Grace, Family Guy..."
Kevin: "I’d give it to Lost as well if the last several episodes didn’t rock the house."
Katie: "So, just the first four we listed?"
Kevin: "Cool."

Desperate Housewives, CSI: Miami, Will & Grace, Family Guy

Most Overstayed Welcome –

Will & Grace

Lost in Left Field Award –

Katie: "I just made this one up on the fly for shows that have gotten so dang weird as compared to previous seasons, yet you cannot shut them off."
Kevin: "Cool."


Miscellaneous Awards:

Best Network –

Katie: "Let’s count ‘em. One tick mark per show per network that we watch each week. Here we go…"

  • ABC – 6
  • CBS – 10
  • NBC – 3
  • Fox – 3
  • WB – 1
  • UPN – 1

Kevin: "As a note, I’m taking one from ABC because of those damn insipid recap shows. That’s your punishment, you tools! So, 5 for ABC."

And the winner is CBS with 10!

Worst Network –

Kevin: "Well, I don’t want to do this simply by counting the network airing the fewest shows that we actually watch because it would be a tie between UPN and WB and neither of them is really going to exist long enough to enjoy the award since they’ll be merging in the fall. Where’s the fun in that? So I’m going to give it to VH-1. Ironic considering I gave them an award for Biggest Save on Love Monkey. So, why? Because those asshats can’t decide on a programming schedule and stick with it. The listings they published for cable companies and, therefore, DVRs to program based on, says one thing while the reality is something completely different. I tried TiVo’ing an episode of Love Monkey a couple weeks ago only to discover it was some other show entirely. But I didn’t discover it until a couple weeks later when I finally got around to watching it. So now all the back-up airdates are past as well. Jags."


And that wraps it up for the 2006 Primetime TV Kappy Awards. Hope you enjoyed the show. Feel free to praise me for my insight or, should you feel so inclined, tell me I'm full of it (I prefer the former).