Fuel is pumping engines...
An ode to Full Throttle Fury energy drink...
This morning, I woke up, my brain on hold,
My joints were stiff, I was feeling so old.
But I planned ahead, I knew I'd need gas,
A little something to kick my sad ass.
Last night at White Hen, I went to the back,
Where energy drinks were lining the rack.
Vitamin Water, Red Bull, and Rockstar,
So many are crap, some taste like pure tar.
There in front of me, a can in jet black,
You'd helped me before to get my day on track.
Full Throttle's your name, with a citrus taste,
You gave my day zip, got rid of the haste.
But, behold on your left, what's this I see?
A can in red? A new you called Fury?
I'm a marketing whore, I like new stuff,
This logo, so tribal, so mean, so tough.
Today I awoke and pulled up the tab,
The smell inside gave my senses a jab.
I took my first sip, I drank it right down,
Such a foolish choice, I'm such a damn clown.
My eyes shot open, my feet left the floor,
My body in gear went straight for the door.
I should know better, I don't want to die,
Dropped down in a hole and covered in lye.
A wise man I'm not; my instincts, they stank,
All sixteen ounces in this can I drank.
Read these words I've written here on display,
If given a can, Sweet Christ, run away.
In all fairness, though, this stuff is not bad,
If you've got a stomach that's ironclad.
If energy drinks are truly your "thing,"
Then Full Throttle Fury's praises you'll sing.
Yeah, I was floating after this can. Quite reminiscent of my espresso pulling days. Yowza! But I sure got a lot of work done and I wasn't complaining about it in the slightest. Amazing how little complaining you do when you have the energy of a stampede of wild horses.
You should be a rapper!
Posted by: Johnny C. | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 07:31 AM
As the significant other of a Budweiser employee, I find it my duty to scold you for drinking a competitor's product. The lovely people at Anheuser-Busch distribute both 'Monster' and '180'. Please try these products the next time you're in the mood for a tasty energy beverage.
What? What just happened?
Posted by: Chase, The Other Bud Girl | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 08:29 AM
COKE WITH LIME, BUDDY. COKE. WITH. LIME! Sugary goodness and caffeine to keep you going... BUT WITH LIME, BABY!!
Posted by: Dave2 | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 08:47 AM
Silly boy, that's what coffee is for.
Posted by: Karl | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 09:25 AM
you should submit that to their marketing team. you could make millions!
Posted by: ms. sizzle | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 09:57 AM
Emailed this to my daughter, who will never forget the day she drank TEN Red Bulls in FOUR HOURS. She didn't sleep for three days.
Posted by: SJ | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 11:43 AM
Thanks for the great laugh! I never realized what a great, um, poet you were. :)
Posted by: Dragon | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 11:49 AM
I'm drinking a can of Vault right now. It's got 70.5mg of caffeine (Jolt has 75).
It's basically Mountain Dew on steroids.
Posted by: Chanakin | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 04:53 PM
Johnny, somehow I don't see this being Top 40 material. But who really knows?
Chase, sorry, but this is a Coke product. And Lordy knows, I likes me a good Coke.
Dave, I needed something a bit stronger. Sorry. My system is too accustomed to Coke with Lime to really allow it to affect me too much.
Karl, scary enough, I was actually up too early for even Starbucks. How sick is that?
Sizzle, seems like gold until you hit the "Sweet Christ, run away." They may not appreciate that one.
SJ, scary experience. She say anything about the poem?
Dragon, I'm a poet. What can I say? ;-)
Chanakin, speaking of Dew, have you tried MDX? It's pretty decent.
Posted by: Kevin | Friday, 25 August 2006 at 10:46 PM
Yep, Juli said the poem was funny but she thinks Full Throttle tastes like ass.
When people say that, how do they know? I mean, have they tasted ass? Blech.
Posted by: SJ | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 06:43 PM
SJ, I've always wondered that, too. But I'm afraid of the answer. To me, Full Throttle has always tasted like a mix of Squirt and Mountain Dew.
Posted by: Kevin | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 06:51 AM