Goodbye my friend...
My dear friend,
Why has our friendship failed? I feel as though our relationship was never quite given the chance it so richly deserved.
Was it something I said? Was it something I did (or did not do)?
I've tried to be a good friend. I talk about you on occasion. I visit. Even when I'm exceptionally busy, I will check in to make sure things are kosher with you.
Yet you spite me so.
Regardless of the efforts I have made to allow our friendship to bloom, you make absolutely no move whatsoever to take "us" to the next level. You seem more than happy to just sit there and do nothing; content in my actions, but never reciprocating.
I don't get it.
But I don't want it to end. Clearly, I feel more indebted to our friendship than you.
Some might call it codependency, others obsession. Me? I prefer to use a Web acronym to describe it... BFF... yes, "Best Friend Forever." That's what you mean to me. And that's what I thought I meant to you.
Is it because I am just one man? A lone soul in a sea of millions striving to be your pal?
I know you are well loved. You have many, many friends. But none of them would ever treat you the way that I would if you'd just give me a chance.
Those other 101,872,606 "friends" you have? They don't care about you the way I do. They're nobodies. Just faces trying to be cool by association.
Tom, why am I not your friend? Please explain this to me and help me reconcile my feelings.
Still your BFF,
Heartbroken in Chicagoland
I've got a meme for you in the extended post, courtesy of C(h)ristine.
Just bold the things you have accomplished in your life.
- Bought everyone in the bar a drink
- Swam with wild dolphins
- Climbed a mountain (a small one)
- Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
- Been inside the Great Pyramid
- Held a tarantula
- Taken a candlelit bath with someone
- Said "I love you" and meant it
- Hugged a tree
- Bungee jumped
- Visited Paris
- Watched a lightning storm at sea
- Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
- Seen the Northern Lights
- Gone to a huge sports game
- Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
- Grown and eaten your own vegetables
- Touched an iceberg
- Slept under the stars
- Changed a baby's diaper
- Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
- Watched a meteor shower
- Gotten drunk on champagne
- Given more than you can afford to charity
- Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
- Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
- Had a food fight
- Bet on a winning horse
- Asked out a stranger
- Had a snowball fight
- Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
- Held a lamb
- Seen a total eclipse
- Ridden a roller coaster
- Hit a home run
- Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
- Adopted an accent for an entire day
- Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
- Had two hard drives for your computer
- Visited all 50 states
- Taken care of someone who was shit faced
- Had amazing friends
- Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
- Watched wild whales
- Stolen a sign
- Backpacked in Europe
- Taken a road-trip
- Gone rock climbing
- Midnight walk on the beach
- Gone sky diving
- Visited Ireland
- Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
- In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
- Visited Japan
- Milked a cow
- Alphabetized your CDs
- Pretended to be a superhero
- Sung karaoke
- Lounged around in bed all day
- Posed nude in front of strangers
- Gone scuba diving
- Kissed in the rain
- Played in the mud
- Played in the rain
- Gone to a drive-in theater
- Visited the Great Wall of China
- Started a business
- Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
- Toured ancient sites
- Taken a martial arts class
- Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
- Gotten married
- Been in a movie
- Crashed a party
- Gotten divorced
- Gone without food for 5 days
- Made cookies from scratch
- Won first prize in a costume contest
- Ridden a gondola in Venice
- Gotten a tattoo
- Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River?
- Been on television news programs as an expert
- Got flowers for no reason
- Performed on stage
- Been to Las Vegas - next June
- Recorded music
- Eaten shark
- Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
- Had a one-night stand
- Gone to Thailand
- Bought a house
- Been in a combat zone
- Buried one/both of your parents
- Been on a cruise ship
- Spoken more than one language fluently - not quite, but close
- Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
- Raised children
- Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
- Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
- Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
- Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
- Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
- Had plastic surgery
- Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
- Wrote articles for a large publication - does my blog count?
- Lost over 100 pounds - if you count all the times I lost weight, it totals well over 100 pounds, but there were weight gains in between
- Held someone while they were having a flashback
- Piloted an airplane - would an R.C. count? Nah, I didn't think so
- Petted a stingray
- Broken someone's heart
- Helped an animal give birth
- Won money on a T.V. game show - as a kid for naming all Santa's reindeer
- Broken a bone
- Gone on an African photo safari
- Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced - not for decorative purposes and not intentionally, either
- Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol - all of the above
- Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
- Ridden a horse
- Had major surgery
- Had a snake as a pet
- Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon - been there and hiked, but not to the bottom
- Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours - it's called college
- Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
- Visited all 7 continents
- Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
- Eaten kangaroo meat
- Eaten sushi
- Had your picture in the newspaper
- Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about - I've converted three people to Mac users
- Gone back to school
- Petted a cockroach
- Eaten fried green tomatoes
- Read The Iliad and The Odyssey - just The Odyssey
- Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
- Killed and prepared an animal for eating
- Skipped all your school reunions - so far, so good
- Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
- Been elected to public office
- Written your own computer language
- Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
- Had to put someone you love into hospice care
- Built your own PC from parts
- Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
- Had a booth at a street fair - it was actually my mom's booth at a craft fair, but I was working it with her
- Dyed your hair - tried to, but it didn't work
- Been a DJ
- Shaved your head
- Caused a car accident - it was just me, though
- Saved someone's life - this can be argued as the car wreck I was in was what caused my dad to finally start wearing his seatbelt every day; think of it as preventative lifesaving
What have you done?
92.5 out of 150 isn't so bad. But there are so many more on this list I want to do.
When I was "Lost Blogging" as Edgar Rice Burroughs, I made jibes at Tom all week. A couple months later, I got an email from somebody who was pretty upset about that. Apparently they did not realize that Tom is automatically put on EVERYBODY'S friends list, and thought they were coming to the defense of their "friend". I guess if you don't have any friends in real life, Tom is the next best thing??
Posted by: Dave2 | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 09:28 AM
Did somebody create this meme to get in the Guinness Book of Records? Officially the longest one I've seen.
You performed in RHPS?!?! Spill. And what public office?
Odd. I had to send Tom this same type of letter. He never replied, so I sadly deleted him from my Top Friends. And we used to be so close.
Posted by: SJ | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 09:40 AM
i declined tom as my friend. i'm such a rebel. ha!
what does shark taste like?
Posted by: ms. sizzle | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 10:39 AM
why would anyone want to pet a cockroach?
I suppose it's good that there's a bunch of stuff I wouldn't want to do anyway on the list- that way it wouldn't seem so depressing to not have everything bolded.
Posted by: claire | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 02:17 PM
Tom was the first piece of baggage I dumped when I got on MySpace...I had more important people to add, like Reality TV stars and such ;)
Posted by: snackiepoo | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 05:24 PM
Dave, at the time, I had no idea what you were doing with the Tom stuff. I didn't know who he was. Now I'm on MySpace and he never asked me to be his friend. I'm sad. People really thought that was a legitimate friendship, though?
SJ, yeah, they had RHPS play where I went to college. Oh, and I was hall council president in college. It was public, so I counted it.
Sizzle, like chicken. Well, not really. Just like any other fish. Nothing special.
Claire, I didn't willingly pet one. I slept amongst a few once while in college. Luckily it wasn't in my dorm room or I would have moved out.
Snackie, I never even had him as a friend. Never asked me. That's why I'm sad.
Posted by: Kevin | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 05:30 PM
You didn't willingly pet it? *sigh* This summer the bug mobile came to school and I got to hold a Madagascar hissing cockroach -- voluntarily. I thought it was pretty cool.
Posted by: Dagny | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 05:50 PM
I'm a big fan of palmetto bugs, Southern insects which are like HUGE cockroaches but with more personality. I've had to put several out of their misery after my hunter-kitty Data tires of them.
Posted by: SJ | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 06:50 PM
I didn't know someone who's pierced before the neck could make it to public office. :)
and...you petted a cockroach? my OCD is on OVERDRIVE just thinking about it!
Posted by: C(h)ristine | Saturday, 26 August 2006 at 11:31 PM
That's so funny! I saw his picture and thought I've seen this guy before. I'd just signed up for a test myspace account (I said test, ok??) and there he was in my contacts. I gave up after 10 minutes of playing around...
Posted by: ChickyBabe | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 01:20 AM
I was going to ask about the public office but someone beat me to it. Hall council president, huh? I ran for Public Utilities Commissoner once. I got two votes, my wife and myself.
SJ - Palmetto bugs are soooooo gross. They are like cockroaches, but with wings. Totally freaky.
Posted by: Brandon | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 02:36 AM
Dagny, no thanks. Yeah, it was not voluntary. I couldn't help that my friend's beach house was infested. Damn South Carolina.
SJ, no thanks.
C(h)ristine, I never said it was a visible piercing. Actually, it was an unintentional piercing that has healed over. I was inflating helium balloons for a party in grad school and ran the threader needle (used to help tie off the balloon) right through the palm of my hand.
Chicky, yeah, MySpace can be a frustrating mother of a site to figure out. I still have difficulty figuring things out.
Brandon, hey, they're both public, right? Never said it had to be city, state, or national government. I have no desire now to see a palmetto bug up close and personal. No thanks.
Posted by: Kevin | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 06:49 AM
I swear, if you don't stop calling these lists memes.....
Posted by: Hyperion | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 08:43 AM
You have yet to explain why it is not. So until you do...
Posted by: Kevin | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 12:36 PM
Wow, I've done half the list. You're up there, my friend. Petting a roach, though? No thanks. And you're right, you don't want to see a palmetto bug. Blecch!
Posted by: Karl | Sunday, 27 August 2006 at 01:48 PM
It was more of a "it was crawling near me and, as I was swatting at it, I may have inadvertently pet it." I slept with the lights on the rest of the time I was there.
Posted by: Kevin | Monday, 28 August 2006 at 06:36 AM
Did you make that up yourself? How funny!!! I deleted Tom on day one.
Posted by: Jacquie | Tuesday, 29 August 2006 at 07:55 PM
I made it up myself. And he was never my friend at any one point. I feel weird about that. Everybody else has had Tom as a friend from Day 1. Not me. Oh wait, were you asking if I made up the meme or the letter? Letter = yes, meme = no.
Posted by: Kevin | Wednesday, 30 August 2006 at 06:40 AM
Okay -- this was laugh-out-loud funny! Great post!
Posted by: wordnerd | Saturday, 02 September 2006 at 07:34 PM
wordnerd, why thank you! I try. ;-)
Posted by: kapgar | Monday, 04 September 2006 at 08:59 AM
great stuff, Tom just doesnt know how to balance all he has.
Im borrowing your meme for my blog i thinks...
Posted by: Sparky | Wednesday, 06 September 2006 at 08:17 AM
Yeah, you get too popular and it comes back to bite you in the ass. A shame.
Steal away on the list. It's all yours.
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 06 September 2006 at 08:50 AM
If my dog's picture counts and nude scuba diving is permitted then I have completed 60 of those tasks. :)
Posted by: Cara Fletcher | Thursday, 31 May 2007 at 02:08 PM
I can't think of a single thing wrong with nude scuba diving. You should get extra credit for that one!
Posted by: kapgar | Tuesday, 05 June 2007 at 07:00 AM