Goodbye my friend...

My dear friend,

Why has our friendship failed? I feel as though our relationship was never quite given the chance it so richly deserved.

Was it something I said? Was it something I did (or did not do)?

I've tried to be a good friend. I talk about you on occasion. I visit. Even when I'm exceptionally busy, I will check in to make sure things are kosher with you.

Yet you spite me so.

Regardless of the efforts I have made to allow our friendship to bloom, you make absolutely no move whatsoever to take "us" to the next level. You seem more than happy to just sit there and do nothing; content in my actions, but never reciprocating.

I don't get it.

But I don't want it to end. Clearly, I feel more indebted to our friendship than you.

Some might call it codependency, others obsession. Me? I prefer to use a Web acronym to describe it... BFF... yes, "Best Friend Forever." That's what you mean to me. And that's what I thought I meant to you.

Is it because I am just one man? A lone soul in a sea of millions striving to be your pal?

I know you are well loved. You have many, many friends. But none of them would ever treat you the way that I would if you'd just give me a chance.

Those other 101,872,606 "friends" you have? They don't care about you the way I do. They're nobodies. Just faces trying to be cool by association.

Tom, why am I not your friend? Please explain this to me and help me reconcile my feelings.


Still your BFF,

Heartbroken in Chicagoland

I've got a meme for you in the extended post, courtesy of C(h)ristine.

Checklist Meme
Just bold the things you have accomplished in your life.

  1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
  2. Swam with wild dolphins
  3. Climbed a mountain (a small one)
  4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
  5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
  6. Held a tarantula
  7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
  8. Said "I love you" and meant it
  9. Hugged a tree
  10. Bungee jumped
  11. Visited Paris
  12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
  13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
  14. Seen the Northern Lights
  15. Gone to a huge sports game
  16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
  17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
  18. Touched an iceberg
  19. Slept under the stars
  20. Changed a baby's diaper
  21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
  22. Watched a meteor shower
  23. Gotten drunk on champagne
  24. Given more than you can afford to charity
  25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
  26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
  27. Had a food fight
  28. Bet on a winning horse
  29. Asked out a stranger
  30. Had a snowball fight
  31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
  32. Held a lamb
  33. Seen a total eclipse
  34. Ridden a roller coaster
  35. Hit a home run
  36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
  37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
  38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
  39. Had two hard drives for your computer
  40. Visited all 50 states
  41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
  42. Had amazing friends
  43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
  44. Watched wild whales
  45. Stolen a sign
  46. Backpacked in Europe
  47. Taken a road-trip
  48. Gone rock climbing
  49. Midnight walk on the beach
  50. Gone sky diving
  51. Visited Ireland
  52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
  53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
  54. Visited Japan
  55. Milked a cow
  56. Alphabetized your CDs
  57. Pretended to be a superhero
  58. Sung karaoke
  59. Lounged around in bed all day
  60. Posed nude in front of strangers
  61. Gone scuba diving
  62. Kissed in the rain
  63. Played in the mud
  64. Played in the rain
  65. Gone to a drive-in theater
  66. Visited the Great Wall of China
  67. Started a business
  68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
  69. Toured ancient sites
  70. Taken a martial arts class
  71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
  72. Gotten married
  73. Been in a movie
  74. Crashed a party
  75. Gotten divorced
  76. Gone without food for 5 days
  77. Made cookies from scratch
  78. Won first prize in a costume contest
  79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
  80. Gotten a tattoo
  81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River?
  82. Been on television news programs as an expert
  83. Got flowers for no reason
  84. Performed on stage
  85. Been to Las Vegas - next June
  86. Recorded music
  87. Eaten shark
  88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
  89. Had a one-night stand
  90. Gone to Thailand
  91. Bought a house
  92. Been in a combat zone
  93. Buried one/both of your parents
  94. Been on a cruise ship
  95. Spoken more than one language fluently - not quite, but close
  96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
  97. Raised children
  98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
  99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
  100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
  101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
  102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
  103. Had plastic surgery
  104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
  105. Wrote articles for a large publication - does my blog count?
  106. Lost over 100 pounds - if you count all the times I lost weight, it totals well over 100 pounds, but there were weight gains in between
  107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
  108. Piloted an airplane - would an R.C. count? Nah, I didn't think so
  109. Petted a stingray
  110. Broken someone's heart
  111. Helped an animal give birth
  112. Won money on a T.V. game show - as a kid for naming all Santa's reindeer
  113. Broken a bone
  114. Gone on an African photo safari
  115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced - not for decorative purposes and not intentionally, either
  116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol - all of the above
  117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
  118. Ridden a horse
  119. Had major surgery
  120. Had a snake as a pet
  121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon - been there and hiked, but not to the bottom
  122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours - it's called college
  123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
  124. Visited all 7 continents
  125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
  126. Eaten kangaroo meat
  127. Eaten sushi
  128. Had your picture in the newspaper
  129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about - I've converted three people to Mac users
  130. Gone back to school
  131. Parasailed
  132. Petted a cockroach
  133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
  134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey - just The Odyssey
  135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
  136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
  137. Skipped all your school reunions - so far, so good
  138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
  139. Been elected to public office
  140. Written your own computer language
  141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
  142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
  143. Built your own PC from parts
  144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
  145. Had a booth at a street fair - it was actually my mom's booth at a craft fair, but I was working it with her
  146. Dyed your hair - tried to, but it didn't work
  147. Been a DJ
  148. Shaved your head
  149. Caused a car accident - it was just me, though
  150. Saved someone's life - this can be argued as the car wreck I was in was what caused my dad to finally start wearing his seatbelt every day; think of it as preventative lifesaving

What have you done?

92.5 out of 150 isn't so bad. But there are so many more on this list I want to do.

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When I was "Lost Blogging" as Edgar Rice Burroughs, I made jibes at Tom all week. A couple months later, I got an email from somebody who was pretty upset about that. Apparently they did not realize that Tom is automatically put on EVERYBODY'S friends list, and thought they were coming to the defense of their "friend". I guess if you don't have any friends in real life, Tom is the next best thing??


Did somebody create this meme to get in the Guinness Book of Records? Officially the longest one I've seen.

You performed in RHPS?!?! Spill. And what public office?

Odd. I had to send Tom this same type of letter. He never replied, so I sadly deleted him from my Top Friends. And we used to be so close.

ms. sizzle

i declined tom as my friend. i'm such a rebel. ha!

what does shark taste like?


why would anyone want to pet a cockroach?

I suppose it's good that there's a bunch of stuff I wouldn't want to do anyway on the list- that way it wouldn't seem so depressing to not have everything bolded.


Tom was the first piece of baggage I dumped when I got on MySpace...I had more important people to add, like Reality TV stars and such ;)


Dave, at the time, I had no idea what you were doing with the Tom stuff. I didn't know who he was. Now I'm on MySpace and he never asked me to be his friend. I'm sad. People really thought that was a legitimate friendship, though?

SJ, yeah, they had RHPS play where I went to college. Oh, and I was hall council president in college. It was public, so I counted it.

Sizzle, like chicken. Well, not really. Just like any other fish. Nothing special.

Claire, I didn't willingly pet one. I slept amongst a few once while in college. Luckily it wasn't in my dorm room or I would have moved out.

Snackie, I never even had him as a friend. Never asked me. That's why I'm sad.


You didn't willingly pet it? *sigh* This summer the bug mobile came to school and I got to hold a Madagascar hissing cockroach -- voluntarily. I thought it was pretty cool.


I'm a big fan of palmetto bugs, Southern insects which are like HUGE cockroaches but with more personality. I've had to put several out of their misery after my hunter-kitty Data tires of them.


I didn't know someone who's pierced before the neck could make it to public office. :) petted a cockroach? my OCD is on OVERDRIVE just thinking about it!


That's so funny! I saw his picture and thought I've seen this guy before. I'd just signed up for a test myspace account (I said test, ok??) and there he was in my contacts. I gave up after 10 minutes of playing around...


I was going to ask about the public office but someone beat me to it. Hall council president, huh? I ran for Public Utilities Commissoner once. I got two votes, my wife and myself.

SJ - Palmetto bugs are soooooo gross. They are like cockroaches, but with wings. Totally freaky.


Dagny, no thanks. Yeah, it was not voluntary. I couldn't help that my friend's beach house was infested. Damn South Carolina.

SJ, no thanks.

C(h)ristine, I never said it was a visible piercing. Actually, it was an unintentional piercing that has healed over. I was inflating helium balloons for a party in grad school and ran the threader needle (used to help tie off the balloon) right through the palm of my hand.

Chicky, yeah, MySpace can be a frustrating mother of a site to figure out. I still have difficulty figuring things out.

Brandon, hey, they're both public, right? Never said it had to be city, state, or national government. I have no desire now to see a palmetto bug up close and personal. No thanks.


I swear, if you don't stop calling these lists memes.....


You have yet to explain why it is not. So until you do...


Wow, I've done half the list. You're up there, my friend. Petting a roach, though? No thanks. And you're right, you don't want to see a palmetto bug. Blecch!


It was more of a "it was crawling near me and, as I was swatting at it, I may have inadvertently pet it." I slept with the lights on the rest of the time I was there.


Did you make that up yourself? How funny!!! I deleted Tom on day one.


I made it up myself. And he was never my friend at any one point. I feel weird about that. Everybody else has had Tom as a friend from Day 1. Not me. Oh wait, were you asking if I made up the meme or the letter? Letter = yes, meme = no.


Okay -- this was laugh-out-loud funny! Great post!


wordnerd, why thank you! I try. ;-)


great stuff, Tom just doesnt know how to balance all he has.

Im borrowing your meme for my blog i thinks...


Yeah, you get too popular and it comes back to bite you in the ass. A shame.

Steal away on the list. It's all yours.

Cara Fletcher

If my dog's picture counts and nude scuba diving is permitted then I have completed 60 of those tasks. :)


I can't think of a single thing wrong with nude scuba diving. You should get extra credit for that one!

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