33 posts from September 2006

I am Iron Man...

I am a fan of Robert Downey Jr. Always have been a fan. He always plays quirky, flawed characters that you just can't help but love. And this despite how screwed up his real life tends to be.

I loved him in stuff like Heart and Souls and Chances Are. He was great in Two Girls and a Guy, Wonder Boys, and Good Night and Good Luck.  Of course, who can forget such 80s classics as Johnny Be Good and Weird Science? And I really thought he was spectacular in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. He was also the best Charlie Chaplin since the man himself.

But now he's been confirmed for a role I never thought I would see him take... a superhero. More specifically Iron Man.

Iron Man is not one of the more recognizable comic book superhero of all time. In fact, more people may recognize the name from the Black Sabbath song than from the comic book.

So not only am I surprised that Downey is playing the role, I'm simply surprised it's being made at all.

But, I'll probably see it. It has Downey in the title role and it's being directed by Jon Favreau of Swingers, Made, and Elf fame. Both can be pretty quirky kinds of guys so that may bode well for this movie.

Carnival time is here, magical time of year...

Welcome one, welcome all to the kapgarized edition of the Carnival of the Mundane...

Ringmaster I gotta tell you all that I'm ashamed of you! We're coming up to week four of the (American) football season and we're 0-3! I expect more than this from you. Our GM has spent a lot of money to ensure that we bring the Lombardi trophy home... where it belongs... right here in our stadium for the fans who have supported you all these years to enjoy again.

And this is how you repay their loyalty?

I was called up to the GM's office last night and got a tongue lashing. I don't like being spoken to like that. That's why we're all here right now. We're going to figure out what it'll take to turn around this season before it's too late!

He's not afraid to cut us all loose at the end of the season. He's got the money to buy a whole new team and, if we keep up these losing ways, you know that stud college quarterback will be his first choice in the draft next year.

Do you really think that all of you, with the way we're playing now, will get a new job all that easily? Do you think other teams are going to care about you when you're languishing on the free agent list?


That's why we need to prove ourselves here and now. Show our mettle. Let people know how tough we can be!

So here's the game plan...

Continue reading "Carnival time is here, magical time of year..." »

Where in the world is...

After rediscovering Google Earth due to that post about the naked sunbather, I've been playing with it a little bit. I forgot how much fun this program is.

But what really strikes me is how odd things appear when you look at them in satellite view. In some instances, you can immediately tell what something is. However, sometimes, the overhead view makes you lose that ability to recognize it.

So I decided to make a game out of it. I have, below, seven screen captures taken from Google Earth. In the vein of my beloved, and unfortunately forgotten, Mystery Photo ID game, can you ID these satellite images? If a photo appears cluttered, it should still be pretty obvious what it is I am trying to focus on for the ID.

Give it a whirl in the extended post...

Continue reading "Where in the world is... " »

I'm too sexy for...

I'm becoming slightly disturbed by a trend I've been noticing lately. My sleep-borne alter ego is a nudist!

Yep, I go to bed in my pajamas and wake up the next morning in either my underwear or -- the horror! -- nothing at all.

I don't get it. It's happened twice this week alone. And I even find myself embarrassed when I get up out of bed and discover my current level of fabric discontent. Embarrassed despite the fact that nobody is around to see me. Go fig, eh?

I don't know where this tendency comes from or why my sleep self would think it is socially acceptable even if it is a purely somnambulist social state.

Is there a 12-step program I can join? Some sort of Sleep Strip Support Group?

I need help! And I need it before I wake up some morning wrapped naked around a stripper pole.

Perhaps I'm just upset at the glaring lack of dollar bills stuffed in my skivvies when I wake up. Not a single greenback. Damn. You'd think if I was going to strip in my sleep, I'd at least make a show of it.

Latest Fun With Dead Trees reviews - Claire chimes in with You Can't Win by Jack Black.

I've got a question for you...

I need an opinion from all of you. I received a comment on my review of Joshua Braff's The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green review over on FWDT yesterday. It's a highly negative comment in tone as you can read below...

I extremely dislike this book! It would be better if I could reccomend it to anyone under 50. I don't approve of this book because of the r-rated content. Joshua Braff is a sick-minded perv that needs to lighten up the sexual content in this unbelievably sick novel. I hereby state that this book is for the elderly folk.

The comment has no usable URL (http://mynameisurl.com/) or e-mail address (Noway@idontthinkso.com) for means of commenting back, and it really doesn't serve much purpose overall other than to trash the book in a non-constructive way.

But I hesitate because it's not a spam comment in the traditional sense. And, I think, he's trying to make some point amidst all his rambling.

If you were maintaining the FWDT site, would you pitch it? Or should I just post a counterpoint reply comment in defense of the book, but without taking the low ground and resorting to verbally abusing the commenter?

I am the eye in the sky lookin' at you...

Satellite Unlucky
I don't usually like to jump on the whole "blogging Digg" craze. And I hate it when people start entire blogs based on nothing more than talking about stories they dug on Digg.com. I think this sort of thing cheapens blogging.

However, I'm going back on that today, and today only. Simply because this story cracked me the hell up.

First off, if you want to make the most of this story, you will need to download the latest version of Google Earth. It's a great program and one that everybody should play with at least once in their lives. Basically, Google Earth is a steroid-laced version of Google Maps that allows you to look up any location on Earth using map coordinates or address or whatever and it will pan and zoom in on the location you request using existing satellite photography. Make sense?

On to the story...

Apparently, I'm a bit late on this bit of news, but this past week's Digg.com podcast (vodcast, videocast, whatever the hell it's called) featured what has got to be one of the funniest Web-based errors I've ever heard of in my life.

It seems as though some woman in Holland was caught sunbathing topless in her backyard on Google Earth. Even after more than a week, her satellite image is still there. Oh, the coordinates are in the Digg comments. I'm not going to make it that easy for you.

Granted, once you zoom in enough, you can't really see much. It looks like a fleshy colored blob that just happens to be in the shape of a human. Heck, for all we know (and this argument was posited on Digg) it could be a blow-up doll or even a man. But the likelihood is not that good. What person in their right mind would put a blow-up doll in their backyard and for what purpose? And the ratio of female to male nude sunbathers in backyards leans much more in favor of la femme. We men are much more humble than that. ;-)

Another argument that was raised on Digg was that of privacy and the invasion of it by technology such as satellites.

It's not as though this satellite was intentionally trying to find her. At least not that I can tell. It was a standard geosat taking it's normal round of photographs of the planet for whatever purposes they have for them. It was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not that you won't see a firestorm kicked up because of it anyway, though.

So what's your opinion? Is it a violation of privacy although entirely unintended and being something (satellite photography) that happens on a regular basis and for non-invasive reasons anyway? Or was she just one person craving no tan lines who was shit outta luck that day?

And who the hell finds these damn things anyway?

Carnival of the Mundane
Hey! I'm hosting the twentieth edition of the Carnival of the Mundane this Friday. If you are interested, you need simply send me a link to a recent blog post that you consider "mundane" and I will work it into my post. If you would like more information about submitting to this Carnival, check out these guidelines for joining. Don't leave your link in the comments to this post. I'd prefer you send me an e-mail.

I'm not sure what the deadline is for submitting as the official announcement post hasn't gone up on their site yet; but, for all of you, I'd like to call it at midnight CDT on Thursday. We are still on daylight savings time, right?

Make every play clear the way to victory...

For the love of God... will the refs just please let the Bears and Vikings play?!?!?! We're coming up on the end of the third quarter and we're closing in on nearly 20 penalties between both teams. And some of the penalties that have been called are ones I've never heard of before.

The one thing that's great about all this mess is listening as Katie starts getting all snippy with the refs. A few examples...

"Wait a second... we got a first down and there's no yellow flag? What's wrong with you?"

"Uh-oh, someone spit on the field. That's a ten-yard penalty!"

"A defender just scratched himself. Half the distance to the goal!"

"Will someone please explain what the hell a 'neutral zone infraction' is?"

"Can I throw a flag at the refs for all the flags they've thrown?"

In response to on-screen note that Bears QB Rex Grossman has never thrown a fourth-quarter TD pass in his career... "Yes he has! He just did!" [Kevin's note: Even if it was a pass to the wrong team]

Check that, in the time that it's taken me to type this, another four penalties have been called and we're into the fourth quarter. Christamighty!

UPDATE: Of course that last comment by Katie does not take into consideration the fact that Grossman really does now have a fourth-quarter touchdown that he scored with about two minutes left in the game. Her comment was about the fact that he threw a ball that was intercepted by the Vikings and return about eight yards for a touchdown. Well, it was funnier in the moment.

Darkness falls across the land...

And yesterday started out so beautiful. A cool start to the fall. Bright and shiny.

And then it all went to hell.

About a half hour before work was to end, I got a call from my father-in-law that the western edge of the suburb where I work all the way north to where Katie works was under a tornado warning.

Of course, being me, I left work instead of seeking cover. It was still decent enough out so I hightailed it to my truck and got my cameras ready.

Within about five minutes, everything around me was covered in swirling grey clouds. Occasionally, I experience a fast-moving scud cloud of pure white whipping in front of the more ominous clouds above. By the time I got home, the rain was coming down in sheets and tornado sirens were blaring everywhere. Katie was hearing sirens up by her and was also getting hail during her ride home.

We both made it home okay. Obviously.

But, damn if it didn't make for great photo ops. Unfortunately, my digital camera only took one good shot. The rest, I hope, are on my Minolta. I'll have to wait and have those processed to see how they turned out.

For now, though, check out how Batavia and Geneva, IL, looked at about 5:00 p.m. last night...

Storm clouds
Click for a larger view.

Livin' and a workin'...

I will warn you now that this post is dedicated to the season premiere of The Office.

If you have not watched it yet and plan to... do not continue to read.

If you have no plans to ever watch it... you can continue if you want, but you may not be interested in the content here today.

If you have watched it and would like to chime in... please do!

Those of us who watched it know how the season two finale ended. With Jim (John Krasinski) professing his love for Pam (Jenna Fischer), she spurns him, and he then kisses her anyway despite her initial protestations.

It was, by far, one of the best, if not the best, finales we've ever seen. It was natural, it was well-acted, it was beautifully shot... it was televised perfection as far as we were concerned.

And it left us hanging for three friggin' months wondering what the heck was going to happen. Would they explore this possibility? Would she still marry Roy (David Denman)? Would he leave for Connecticut? GAH!

This is what good television writing is all about. It makes you want to tune in again.

Well, last night was our chance to find out what happened. Now, on to the spoilers...


Continue reading "Livin' and a workin'..." »

I hope you know that this will go down in your permanent record...

Today's Lyrical Challenge from Karl. The song is "Kiss Off" from the Violent Femmes.

Have you ever seen that episode of The Wonder Years where Kevin (Fred Savage) and his friends teepee their teacher? They did a number to his house. I can still remember the slow-motion sequence where they're practically dancing about in his yard tossing up roll after roll of toilet paper into his trees. When all was said and done, the teacher's house appeared as though it had suffered a mid-spring snowstorm. Everything was blanketed in pure white. It was a sight to behold.

As was my friend's house our senior year of high school.

There were a bunch of us who got together on a semi-regular basis to teepee the houses of people we knew. No one was safe from our wrath, except us. We would camp out in the backyard of one guy's house and plot everything out to perfection. We knew where to get the toilet paper, how we would transport everyone and everything, and exactly what route to use to escape. Oh, we had backup routes as well. I'm sure, if one of cars failed, we even had a backup plan for that. "Stormin'" Norman Schwarzkopf would've been proud.

One night, however, one of the regular crew, B, was unable to make it to one of our white-papered frenzies. I'm not exactly sure what he was doing, but he was out of town entirely.

We sat in the tents in my friend's backyard debating who we would hit that night. Then it came to us... B! He would pay for not being there to assist us.

The six of us headed out to the local Omni Supermarket as they were the only ones who sold toilet paper in bulk. We knew that people were watching us as we pulled that cardboard carton of approximately 80 rolls of toilet paper down from the shelf. They knew what the three of us were doing. But they couldn't prove it.

In case you're wondering what happened to the other three of us (yes, I did say "six" of us headed to Omni), I'll tell you. To avoid arousing too much suspicion, the remaining three of us went in for a second case of 80 rolls a few minutes after the first crew finished their purchase.

No, for this assault, 80 rolls would not nearly be enough. We were going all out, cost be damned.

On the drive over, we began to divvy up the rolls. Some of us carried duffel bags or backpacks full. The others carried them in their arms. We parked a couple streets away and traversed the unfenced yards to B's house (yes, we even knew which yards had no fences so as to make travel that much quicker).

Then we went to town.

After about five minutes, we noticed a car heading down the street.

We all immediately tore off to our predetermined hiding places in the neighborhood.

Continue reading "I hope you know that this will go down in your permanent record..." »

But everybody's watchin' TV...

To fulfill a challenge thrown out there by Ninja Poodles, I present you with the contents of my TiVo Now Playing list as it stands on Thursday, September 21, 2006, at 7:00 a.m. (or thereabouts).

Here is her description (yeah, Wife Swap is her shame, not mine)...

Got TiVo?  Or any other DVR? Go, right now, pull up your "Now Playing" screen, and snap a photo of whatever is at the very top. No cheating, just whatever is the top page of your recorded (or currently recording) shows.   Come on, show your shame.  I did--"WIFE SWAP," people!!

Post the result on your site, and leave a link in the comments here, OR send it to me in an email, at ninjapoodles@gmail.com. If we get a decent number of responses, I've started a flickr group (where you can either add your dares yourself, or, if you don't have a flickr account, send them to me and I'll add them), and perhaps the "dare" will become a regular feature, and maybe eventually evolve beyond the "show and tell" phase. 

Yes, we do have a second TiVo in our bedroom that has some interesting stuff on it. But Katie is asleep and I wasn't going to wake her up for this. Sorry.

Here you go...


So we have last night's Tonight Show because we want to see the interview with The Office's Steve Carell, Kidnapped, Justice (one of our current addictions), Miami Ink (I love this show), Ebert & Roeper (the podcast wasn't doing it for me), three episodes of Psych (one of the best shows on TV right now, IMHO), nine episodes from last season of The Office (even though we now own the season on DVD), and the car dealership/Twix episode of Seinfeld.

What's on your TiVo?

Oh, and don't worry, I have not forgotten... the fourth and final lyrical challenge will go live later today. Promise!

Letters I've written, never meaning to send...

Holy crap! I can't believe I forgot to do this yesterday! I am so sorry. It just completely slipped my mind.

Today's Lyrical Challenge from Rick. The song is "Nights in White Satin" from The Moody Blues.

My dearest Noelle,

We've had a rocky relationship at best. And it's time to put this animosity to rest.

I met you nearly two years ago when Katie and I first moved in to our new home. You were also relatively new to your home. You had just moved in with your roommate, Kathy, in the unit next to ours about a week prior.

You would think this might mean we'd get along famously. We had so much in common as it was. We were both first-time homeowners. We both moved in within a week of each other. We live right next door to each other. Hell, our townhouses share a common walk-up. Plus, we get along very well with each other's spouse/roommate. I get along with Kathy and you get along with Katie.

So why not us? Why do you hate me so?

Anytime I am near you, I feel nothing but pure hatred seep out of the very core of your being. You eye me as though I was the enemy. You back away anytime I'm near. All you do is whine and complain when I come by to see Kathy.

To be perfectly honest, I can hear you moan when I enter my own place with no intention of visiting you or Kathy whatsoever.

Many times, I have held out my hand in a gesture of peace. I try to be nice to you. I always talk nicely to you. I've never said a bad word whatsoever about you despite your obvious mistrust of me.

So why are you such a bitch? That's right, I did it. I called you the five-letter "B" word. A violent reaction? Perhaps. But, in nearly two years of living next door to each other and you burning every olive branch I extend, I think I'm in the right calling you by that name.

I'm really tired of how poorly you treat me.

I'm sick of the griping.

I'm sick of the evil eye.

I'm tired of looking out in my backyard only to see you looking back at me.

That's just creepy.


What's it going to take?

Do I have to keep a flippin' MilkBone in my pocket to make you like me?

Stupid dog.

Your pissed-off neighbor,


This is the third in a series of four lyrical challenge response posts. Today's post, suggested by Rick, was tied in third place with five votes. The remaining winner is:

  • "I hope you know that this will go down in your permanent record" from "Kiss Off" by the Violent Femmes suggested by Karl (six votes)

I will complete Karl's challenge on Thursday, September 21, if I actually remember to do it this time.

Power to the people, right on...

A few months ago, I posted about how Fox was asking fans to help pick the artwork for season five of 24. They had set up a pretty meticulous survey site to get your take on the art, the box layout, etc. It was a fun survey and I was excited to see what box design would be chosen by the massive 24 fanbase.

Here were the choices...


Here is the "winning" artwork selection as per Fox...


You may be asking yourself why the winning artwork doesn't quite look like any of the choices given to us fans some months ago.

I'm asking myself that very question and I'm pretty pissed that I have to.

Why the hell would you get fans excited about taking part in this process only to strip it away from us at the last moment? We think we are actually going to have a voice in the selection and we wind up with bupkis. This is wrong on so many levels. I realize that this new artwork was developed based on our written comments in the survey, but it still doesn't work for us.

So maybe you didn't like what we chose, but, if that was the case, you should just choose the offered option that you prefer and lie by saying it was "the winner." We would never know any better.

This, however, reeks of bad customer relations. There's no way to cover this up with a little white lie. You simply teased us and then took the power away.

Bad move.

I still prefer the box in the lower left corner anyway.

Play to kill...

Some of you may remember how I was recently recruiting fellow bloggers to take part in Brandon's DWP Blogger Fantasy Football League. Well, we filled up the league with 12 bloggers, drafted, and the season is now into week three.

And I'm sitting in the middle of the pack with a record of 1-1 after getting my ass handed to me by the Commish himself. But I have the second lowest point total after two weeks in the league.

Well, that just figures, now doesn't it? I'm in three leagues this year and I suck in all of them. I'm 1-1 in Brandon's league, 1-1 in the MSR Fantasy League, and 0-2 with the normal crew of guys I've played each year with since 2001. Not a good start to my seasons despite having the highest single-game point total in the MSR league this past week.

I am posting about this because of a realization that I desperately need to get my ass in gear in all my leagues. I've never started a season this poorly before. It's just not pretty because I don't see it getting much better. It seems that the free agent pool is practically non-existent and last year's stars have only been so-so thus far. I have no idea who to drop and who to pick up. It's ugly.

And now I'm giving away tips and tricks of the fantasy football trade to Suze and she's not willing to give anything back.

Suze is new to fantasy football. Hell, she's Canadian, so she's new to American football entirely. Yeah, they have the CFL up there, but that doesn't count. So I've been helping her. She's been asking questions -- ones that I, myself, wondered about my first year (or three) of playing -- and I've been answering to the best of my ability.

So, today, I requested that she play nothing but injured and bye-week players on her team when we play each other in week 7.

It's only fair, isn't it? Don't you think that with all the free advice I've given her that she owes it to me to take a dive when we play?

So what was her response to my request? Get a load of this...

Wouldn't it be much more of a victory to know that the student has learned so well to have surpassed the teacher? ;-)

Oh hell no. That's how she shows her appreciation? Not only will she not grant me the walkover victory, but then she has the gall to imply that she will win.

It's on, girl. It's on like Donkey Kong.

What the hell does that mean anyway?

For what is ailing me...

First of all, I was wrong in my earlier post about iTunes 7.0’s album art update feature being automatic. Seems as though it looks at your stuff, but doesn’t necessarily autoupdate it all.

I found that I had to go into the Advanced menu and select “Get Album Artwork” to make the system start to actually analyze my albums and add the appropriate album art.

Here are a couple quick suggestions if you decide to take advantage of this function…

  1. Do not use your computer or, especially, iTunes for anything else at this time. If you can, let iTunes run this feature overnight or over some extended period of time during which you will not need your computer. Maybe that’s more a testament to the sheer number of albums I have on my computer and yours will take less time, but I can’t really be sure. Took a few hours for iTunes to finish this process on my computer.
  2. Make sure your iPod is NOT connected to your computer at this time for any reason whatsoever. I had mine plugged in for charging and iTunes decided to still recognize it as a mounted volume and it started to autotransfer songs back and forth while the very same files were being updated by the computer. It wasn't pretty and I’m not entirely sure my iPod has fully recovered. I’ve had to reinstall the firmware once and restore all my music and videos twice... so far.

Don’t let your iPod suffer a similar fate.

Latest Fun With Dead Trees reviews - I'm adding We Were Writers for Disastrous Love Affairs Magazine by Adam Thomlison and Claire is adding Dry by Augusten Burroughs.

Yes I'm let loose from the noose...

The first time I watched it, I thought it was kinda clever.

The second time it came on TV, I was able to watch it closer.

The third time, I was getting a bit annoyed (especially since all three were within less than a 36-hour period).

The fourth time, I realized just how much this commercial creeps me out.

The fifth time, I decided it was time to swear off both Audrey Hepburn movies and AC/DC music.

Have you all seen the new commercial for The Gap's "Skinny Black Pants" that features a pseudo mash-up of Audrey Hepburn dancing to AC/DC's "Back in Black"?

Like I said, the first time it was cool just to see how well they timed it out so her movements jived with the beat of the song. Now, however, I literally am creeped out by it. I can't watch it anymore. It's just too much to take.

But, of course, yesterday, Katie and I were picking up a giftcard at The Gap as a baby shower gift and we saw the ads all over the store as well. Just not cool.

Here, see for yourself. Hopefully, this embed works...

If not, just click over here.

I'm off to the gym. Oh yeah... go Bears! Trounce the Detroit Kitty Cats!

Now go away, go away, go away...

Hypothetically speaking, of course, should you ever spill red wine -- say, perhaps, a Robert Mondavi Merlot -- on light-colored carpeting, cover it with table salt immediately. Do not bother mopping it up with a rag or paper towels. Just cover it with salt. Big heaping amounts of it.

Scoop off as much as you can and vacuum up the remainder of the salt. Then hit what little bit of red is still there with Resolve Spot Magic.

Blammo, good as new. Not that it ever happened or anything.

Take the word of the hypothetical guy who did not knock over his hypothetical wife's glass of wine. Katie, errr, the hypothetical wife of that hypothetical guy was quite on the ball when she came up with that solution. And she has no idea where she learned it.

Way to go, Mrs. Hypothetical Wife.

Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man...

For some time now, I've been debating the prospect of creating a line of kapgar-themed products. I'm thinking about T-shirts, mugs, mousepads, magnets, spinner rims, action figures, power tools... just a few of the more commonplace items.

Of course, the standard for doing this sort of thing would be to use Cafepress. But I was never too big on that site. All the stuff winds up looking the same regardless of the unique logo that may be on it.

However, SJ referred me to Zazzle some time ago, which is the site that she is using to set up a Chronic Listaholic/Write Coast store. And, SJ, I'm still waiting for your stuff to go live. You owe me a shirt from GBBMC.

With my old design, I could not possibly see selling T-shirts. My design and logo were just too damn boring. Seriously, who the hell would want a yo-yo with my name in Harry Potter fontface? However, with my new design, I think it could be feasible. I just need to get off my lazy ass.

So, during a down moment in my class the other night, I visited Zazzle and dropped my logo in a quickie black T-shirt setup. Here was the result...


Clearly it's not done. I may play around a bit more. Upload a cleaner, higher-res logo. Figure out some accompanying text (maybe). Try other color shirts. Stuff like that. I may also make up some of those Co-ed Naked Blogging shirts that Johnny and I were fooling around with. Or maybe the To Wong Foo image with Karl and Jacquie.

So what do you all think?

Well, if nothing else, I may just create one for myself and wear it around town. At $19.99, it's not bad.

But Zazzle won't let me make my own line of action figures. Damn. Time to E-mail customer service.

Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round...

Today's Lyrical Challenge from rennratt. The song is "Fat Bottomed Girls" from Queen.

"I don't know what we're going to do if we move into a house where we actually have neighbors in back of us," Katie told me over the weekend.

"Huh? What do you mean? Why's that a big deal?" I asked.

"Well, I've just become so accustomed to not having anyone behind us and I enjoy keeping our shades open. But if we have neighbors behind us, we risk them looking in. And then there's you..."

"Me? What did I do?"

Then it dawned on me... my morning routine.

Katie is lucky in that she gets to sleep much later than I do on any given weekday morning. I work at 8 a.m. every weekday. But she works in a retail environment with a variable schedule. On Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, she doesn't work until 9 a.m. On Monday and Wednesday, she doesn't have to show up until 1 p.m. My workday is already more than half over by that time.

Despite my excessive jealousy over this arrangement, I tend to play the role of "Nice Hubby" and make as little noise as possible in our bedroom in the morning as I get ready for work. So I shower, brush my teeth, grab my clothes, and go downstairs.

Note that I said "grab my clothes" and not "get dressed."

Yeah, I have this habit of just grabbing my stuff and heading downstairs in nothing but my underwear. Why? Well, like I said above, I try to keep the bedroom as quiet as possible. However, this does seem kinda stupid considering the noise the shower makes. But I do it anyway; it's more the gesture than anything. Plus, we live in a townhouse complex where we are one of the middle units (read: no side windows). All we have are the little dome windows at the top of our front door and then the big sliding glass backdoor.

But, as I've also noted above, we have no neighbors behind us. All that's there is a berm with some tall pine trees. A couple hundred feet behind that we have railroad tracks. Then the empty surrounding fields for several hundred more feet. A major road. Some big backyards. Then, finally, houses.

But these houses are somewhere between a quarter and a third of a mile away. Unless they're looking through some high-powered binoculars, they ain't gonna see jack. Even if they do break out the peepers and decide they want to look, and, God forbid, keep looking, I might as well make it worth their while, right?

So, yeah, my morning consists of about a half hour of walking around downstairs in my underwear. I may even check e-mail or blog in my undies. Hey! If financial institutions can advertise banking in the clothes you were born in to promote their online services, surely I can justify blogging in my boxer briefs. At least I'm slightly more family friendly in my underwear.

To those of you who have met me in person, this concept may seem horrific. For those mental images, I apologize profusely. But never you worry should we become backyard neighbors. I am back in the gym and running again after about a month off. My pansy ass is gonna be slim and trim and binocular worthy. I promise! This wouldn't be a problem if exercise was fun.

This is the second in a series of four lyrical challenge response posts. Today's post, suggested by rennratt, was tied in third place with five votes. The remaining two winners are:

  • "I hope you know that this will go down in your permanent record" from "Kiss Off" by the Violent Femmes suggested by Karl (six votes)
  • "Letters I've written; never meaning to send" from "Nights in White Satin" by The Moody Blues suggested by Rick (five votes)

I will complete these other challenges on Tuesday, September 19 and Thursday, September 21, if all goes well. No word on which one will be posted next. That all depends upon my personal inspiration.

It's a shame about ray...

I knew this was going to happen, but I restrained from writing about it because I really wanted to believe that the very prospect of it was ridiculous, at best. However...

Last night while closing the gym, Katie became transfixed by whatever was playing on one of the TVs. I stopped to check it out and discovered they were reporting about how upwards of a dozen stingray corpses had washed up on beaches along Queensland, Australia.

One theory, of course, being that these are revenge killings because of the death of Steve Irwin last week from a stingray barb piercing his heart. This would strike me as the logical explanation considering the timing and the otherwise nearly nonexistent probability of having that many "mutilated" stingray corpses washing up on beaches.

Three words... THIS IS SICK!

I can't believe some sick fucks out there in the world would think that the proper thing to do would be to take revenge on one of the most harmless creatures in the world for the death of Steve Irwin.

How can you people call yourselves fans and true believers of what the Crocodile Hunter stood for? Do you think he would want you to do this? Do you think he's sitting up in Heaven right now cheering on your "memorial tribute"?


He's just as disgusted as I am about this whole thing. He's cursing and swearing and wishing he could come back to life to bitch slap your worthless asses until you realize that what you are doing is wrong. WRONG! WRONG!

Goddammit. Get your heads out of your asses! If there is anything Steve would want you to do, it would be to educate yourself about the nature and habits of stingrays so that the same thing does not happen to you or someone you know and love. That's what Steve stood for... EDUCATION. And clearly you uneducated fucks can't grasp this concept.

Stingrays are some of the most beautiful and peaceful and magnificent creatures I have ever had the pleasure of beholding. They are elegant and calm and they wouldn't harm a fly unless provoked.

That's not to say that Steve provoked them. He came near one at what is typically perceived by them to be a hostile angle. So it lashed out. If it struck him anywhere else, he would've been laid up in bed for 48 hours with bodyaches (their venom is nonlethal to humans).

Instead, it unfortunately hit him in one area that is quite vulnerable. And it led to his death. It's sad, but it's not the fault of the stingray. If someone came from above you that you didn't recognize and looked like he was going to touch you, you'd react defensively, too. It's an animal response. It happens.

But, please, I know it's sad he's gone, but end these meaningless attacks immediately. This is the definition of pathetic. It's inhumane. It's barbaric. It needs to end.

I have swam with stingrays in the wild, held them, touched them, fed them. And I would hate to think that my fellow humans are capable of such vicious stupidity.

Swimming with rays

Please reassure me... my fellow man is not that ignorant is he?

Well, it's Christmas time again...

Apple just held another one of their major product announcement press conferences. Lately, these have been disappointing me in some way or another.

This one, however, just made up for it all. Almost everything was iPod related and there are some very pretty things happening with the line. Allow me a moment to detail some of the highlights...

Continue reading "Well, it's Christmas time again..." »

I leave you with photographs, pictures of trickery...

Today's Lyrical Challenge from Chase. The song is "Disintegration" by The Cure.

Can I make a suggestion to all of you out there reading this post right now? If you have boxes of miscellaneous stuff from your past, please go through it right now.

Yes, I mean stop whatever you are doing this instant and go examine the artifacts of your past before it affects your future. Put away the keyboard and mouse. If you are cooking something, stop. I don't care if it burns. If you are at work, grab your keys and drive home immediately.

Recently, an old acquaintance of mine and his fiancee had a "situation" arise in which she discovered a Case Logic CD book filled with discs that he had acquired throughout college. Some were the typical college things like class files, projects, pirated porn. The basics. Nothing much to worry about.

A couple others had files pertaining to an ex. A few photos of their past together, but also letters and e-mails avowing his love for her.

The same thing happened to me a couple years ago when Katie discovered a few photos of an ex-girlfriend of mine that I had no idea still existed. Yes, they were clean photos.

These were, of course, items from our past. These are things that neither of us cared about in the slightest, nor did we even realize we still had them. In my case, they were in a box I knew I had but whose contents I was unaware of. In his case, they just wound up in his black leather book o' discs, packed away and forgotten.

Until they were rediscovered.

It took a while for my friend to calm her down and convince her that he didn't even know he still had them. He was more than willing to dispose of them had he even realized he still had them. They were just in a box that he brought back from college. See no evil... you know how it goes.

So I would recommend that you save yourself from potential headaches and dispose of these things that "mean nothing to you." Find a moment when you can be alone to examine all the boxes labeled "My Stuff" that are in your attic, closet, crawlspace, basement, etc., and throw them out.

Nay, destroy the discs, papers, CDs, photos, etc. Employ sledgehammers, drill presses, tin snips, chainsaws, blowtorches... whatever it takes. Then burn the remains. Finally, bury the ashes.

In situations such as this, "thorough" is the operative word.

You'll thank me and my friend later.

This is the first in a series of four lyrical challenge response posts. Today's post, suggested by Chase, was the number one vote getter with seven. The other three winners were:

  • "I hope you know that this will go down in your permanent record" from "Kiss Off" by the Violent Femmes suggested by Karl (six votes)
  • "Letters I've written; never meaning to send" from "Nights in White Satin" by The Moody Blues suggested by Rick (tie, five votes)
  • "Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round" from "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen suggested by rennratt (tie, five votes)

I will complete these other challenges on Thursday, September 14; Tuesday, September 19; and Thursday, September 21, if all goes well. No word on which ones will be posted in which order, though. That all depends upon my personal inspiration.

Did you ever know that you're my hero...

To remember the fifth anniversary of 9/11, I am taking part in D.C. Roe's 2,996 project. If you recall my earlier post, it is a community blogging project to commemorate the lives of those lost in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.

This post is dedicated to the life of Lieutenant Geoffrey E. Guja, 47, FDNY company BC43, who died in the collapse of the second World Trade Center tower on September 11, 2001.

Much of the following information came from The Massapequa Post.

GujaLt. Geoffrey E. Guja was one of a pair of twins born to Doris and Howard Guja of Massapequa, NY. He graduated from Berner High School and went on to attend Harper College in Binghamton, NY. When he was 27 years old, he made a decision that would forever change his life... he joined the New York City Fire Department. In addition to his duties as a firefighter, he was also a registered nurse and an emergency medical technician (EMT). He rose through the ranks of the FDNY and became a lieutenant.

Geoffrey was never one to take life for granted. He always kept an open mind to any new opportunity and was well known for his sense of humor. One story about him told of a prank pulled by his fellow firefighters. They took his locker and managed to suspend it 16 feet above the floor of the firehouse. Instead of getting angry and reactive, he grabbed a ladder, ascended to his locker, and changed his clothes in midair.

One of his great passions was his network of family and friends whom he would regularly bring together for barbecues at a local beach. He was known to send out dozens of invitations at a time.

His own family consisted of his wife, Debbie, and their daughters, Kelly and Jaime, as well as his parents, brothers, sisters, and their families. Not to mention the many firefighters he worked with on a daily basis who became his extended family.

Kids were an important part of his life as Geoffrey was a big kid at heart. He is renowned for playing with kids while dressed up in a bright yellow chicken outfit. "He was bigger than life to the kids," said his brother, Howard. "He never had a bad word to say about anyone and, while the adults would often say he should calm down and relax and act more like a grown up, the kids loved him just the way he was."

Part of the memorial display for Geoffrey included bright yellow flowers laid out to resemble his infamous chicken outfit.

Geoffrey was not on duty at the time that the disaster happened on September 11. In fact, he was recovering from an earlier injury he suffered in the line of duty. When the jets hit the World Trade Center towers, he was on light desk duty in the Brooklyn headquarters of the FDNY.

He immediately jumped on the subway and rushed to the scene and grabbed a turnout coat, pants, boots, and helmet from the Number 10 firehouse across the street from the WTC and headed into the belly of the beast.

Anyone who knew Geoffrey would have expected no less from him. "He always gave everything he had, everything," said his brother, Howard.

The 5-5-5-5 radio dispatch signal is reserved to memorialize those firefighters who fall in the line of duty, serving the good of the people they have sworn to protect. Lt. Geoffrey E. Guja, 47, of Lindenhurst, NY, was the 29th of 343 firefighters who died on September 11 to receive the 5-5-5-5 signal in the days following the attacks.

Being the fan of firefighters that I have been my entire life, I am honored to use my blog to remember Lt. Geoffrey E. Guja.

UPDATE: Due to an excessive amount of visits, D.C. Roe's entire 2,996 site has gone down temporarily. But here is a mirror site listing all the participants in the project. Please do make sure to check them out as they are incredible.

The gift you gave is gonna last forever...

Sunday football
Can I just say I have the coolest wife in the world? We were trying to figure out what we were going to do today and I suggested some things that would probably keep us out of the house like going to a movie or going to dinner, typical stuff like that. That's when she came back with, "But we'll miss the Bears game. And they're playing the Packers."


Then I was contemplating watching one of our Netflix rentals a bit later on after the Bears game is over (which they are winning quite handily at the moment). That's when she said, "Aren't the Colts playing the Giants? We can't miss the Manning Game."

Hand's off, guys. She's mine.

Christmas gift ideas
I need some advice from all of you. For a few months now, we've been talking about the possibility of buying a good digital SLR camera for me as an anniversary/birthday/Christmas gift. I've got one chosen out and I really want it (Sony Alpha DSLR-A100K because it works with all the lenses I already own for my Minolta Maxxum 400si). And Katie knows that I want it.

Today, though, she came up with the idea of buying a Mac Mini for our home that would be used both as a media center (by hooking it up to the TV) and as file backup for our iMac. For some time now, I've been debating buying an external harddrive that can be used to clone our entire iMac in case of some computing catastrophe. But, by making it a real computer instead of a harddrive, we are able to use it for something else as well; in this case, a media center.

It's not as though I don't have a digital camera already even if it is not a DSLR and I have my good ol' standard 35mm SLR to use for the high-quality photo ops. And backing up all our digital photos (five years worth) and MP3s (50 GB worth) would definitely be a good thing.

Have I already made the decision here? What do you all think?

I get down on my knees, I do anything for you...

The time to vote is nigh!

Yes, I apologize, but it is time to stop nominating songs and get on with picking them.

I just realized that in Thursday's post, I said I was going to do this "tomorrow" as in what is now yesterday or Friday. Whoops. I think I was anticipating the weekend being here a bit too early. I had a mental image of this happening on Saturday, but was thinking (or maybe just wishing) that I was posting that on a Friday. Talk about jumping the gun. My bad.

I have chosen one or two lyrics from each person who posited a challenge and now you all get to vote. Just pick your four favorites and tell me in the comments. Each of you can vote only once. And each of you can only vote on a single lyric once. No stacking by giving your lyric all four of your votes. In cases of ties, I will break them. It's my blog and I'm going to be the one writing these, so I have that right.

Continue reading "I get down on my knees, I do anything for you..." »

Trash, don't try to take my life away...

"Waste"ing my life away
I chugged my last few sips of Mountain Dew in a single gulp, screwed the cap on the bottle, grabbed my novel du jour and cellphone, and got up to leave my favorite reading nook after my lunch break ended.

Despite it not being my means of entry to the building, I always seem to exit through a side door. Perhaps it has something to do with the location of the door relative to my office. No, that couldn't be it or I would use this door as my entrance as well.

Whatever my internal justification, I went through my exit of choice and veered a couple steps out of my way to dispose of my now-empty 20-ounce bottle of liquid energy in the nearest waste receptacle.

The spring-loaded door, angled up and away from the domed lid of the garbage can, had something small, round, and grey pinned in it. Sticking from the greyish sphere was a nearly two-inch-long cylinder speckled in orange and white.

Lovely, I thought as I stepped nearer to the wastebasket. Some idiot is too lazy to make sure their garbage is all the way in the can.

I raised my foot to take another step closer when the mystery object spun toward me. My eyes, if not completely awake before, were now in a state beyond mere alertness. They focused on the landfill-bound anomaly. And, as my foot set ground to finish the step I was taking, the whole of the enigmatic subject flew out of the garbage can.

It was a squirrel.

With a baby carrot.

Clearly enjoying his lunch break.

At the expense of my heart rate.

I may reconsider my exit strategy.

Just a reminder that I am taking part in the soon-to-go-live 2,996 project courtesy of D.C. Roe. After weighing all the press inquiries he has received, D.C. has asked that some of us consider posting ahead of time so the media has some examples they can use for articles. I don't want to post too early, so I will probably publish my tribute on Sunday, one day before the fifth anniversary of 9/11.

As I recall, also taking part are Sizzle, Hilly, and Bec. If anyone else is taking part, please speak up in the comments.

Stay tuned for it.

Latest Fun With Dead Trees review - The Ruins: A Novel by Scott Smith reviewed by yours truly. Claire's on fire having added three more reviews in as many days. Check out Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell, On Bullshit by Harry Frankfurt, and The Ongoing Moment by Geoff Dyer.

As I've said before, FWDT is always looking for more guest reviewers. If you're a reader and you'd like to contribute, just e-mail me and I'll tell you what you need to do.

Hey boy, welcome to reality...

Kapgar's Lyrical Challenge
Reality is suddenly setting in regarding yesterday's post. Here I was thinking no one would be interested in the concept and now I've got 18 people involved and 54 song lyrics suggested... and that's just so far.

Don't worry, I'm not wussing out on this. I plan to go through with it. I said I would and I will. I've just got to develop a more concrete plan as I wasn't expecting this much participation.

I think I'm going to leave it open for more suggestions until tomorrow. However, at some point during the day, I will simply declare it done, weed through them all, and pick out one or two lyrics from each person. Tomorrow's post will consist of those suggestions and you all get to vote on your four favorites. I'll tally up the totals, and the top four vote getters will be my blog topics.

From there, I am planning to blog two per week over the next two weeks. I was thinking of doing it on Tuesdays and Fridays. If I like how it all turns out, I will open the post back up to more suggestions and we'll go through the whole shebang again.

Sound cool?

Oh, and you can get to the post by simply clicking on the "kapgar's lyrical challenge" button in the left menubar.

Paperless receipts
For any of you who have ever bought anything online, you are accustomed to receiving paperless receipts in the form of e-mail confirmations of your order.

But have you ever had this happen to you at a bricks-and-mortar retail store?

It happened to me yesterday at the Apple Store in Oak Brook. I bought something and they asked me for my e-mail address. I didn't think much about it because my e-mail is already registered with Apple.com for any number of warranties, e-mail newsletters, and the iTunes Music Store. But then the guy explained that Apple is slowly phasing out paper receipts in favor of electronic ones.

Sure enough, the next time I checked my e-mail, there was my receipt. I thought it was pretty cool. Now I just need to back up my e-mail in case it crashes. I'd hate to lose that.

I don't want anybody else...

As I've been doing for more than a year now, my post titles are always song lyrics or song titles (or some bastardization thereof). And this theme of mine has always made me wonder about a possible challenge involving all of you, my dear readers.

However, I've held off on this idea for a few months now for a couple of reasons. 1) I wasn't sure if there would be any interest; and 2) I'm afraid of what you all will come up with.

Having Chase chime in with continued lyrics to yesterday's post title (which was George Michael's "One More Try," by the way) made me realize that #1 need not be a concern. At least a few of you might be interested. #2 still worries me, though. But I'm going to muscle through my initial trepidations and see what happens.

What I want to do is have all of you suggest lyrics for me for a post. I will pick out a few of my favorite suggestions and blog using them as the driving theme. Whether the post actually winds up being what you expect it to be is something we'll all discover together. I will try to blog about something that has or will soon actually happen to me in real life, but I can't guarantee it. If I only get a few suggestions, I'll eventually post about them all. If I get a ton, we may hold a vote to get the "People's Choice," per se.

A few caveats...

  1. These must be real songs and ones that I either already know or are verifiable by listening to the song on iTunes or having you all send me the track so I can hear that it's real and you're not just making stuff up to screw with my head. So, in addition to the specific lyric, I will also need the band/artist name and song title.
  2. KISS - Keep It Short and Sweet. I try to keep my post titles to a single line on my blog. Don't send me the entire chorus. Just pick a single line from the song.
  3. Be creative; but don't frighten me, please.
  4. No DiVinyl's "I Touch Myself." 'Nuff said.

The posting schedule remains to be determined based on participation. Depending on the popularity of this idea, I may try to make it a regular occurrence.  I'll post revisions to this challenge in the comments.

No matter how you look at it, it sounds like an interesting challenge to me in terms of creative writing.

I'm either extremely brave or insanely friggin' stupid.

So who will be the daring first challenger?

UPDATE (9/12): The first round of Kapgar's Lyrical Challenge is now closed. However feel free to make suggestions here for the second round. Here are the resulting nominations and first-round voting. And here are the resulting posts:

Post 1Post 2Post 3Post 4

There are things that I don't want to learn...

This is so strange for me.

My work Mac has been having some issues lately, so, after a few weeks of working things out with IT, it is finally being shipped out to have repairs performed.

No, I'm not badmouthing Mac despite all the problems I've been enduring the last several months. I taxed my work Mac to the nth degree and I'm really not at all surprised it decided to crap out on me. The problems had been building for a while, but I just did not want to send it back and have to deal with using my Windows box all the time. Despite the problems I've had with my Mac, I still opted to use it over the PC anytime I possibly could. However, the three-year AppleCare plan was coming dangerously close to expiring, so it was time to bite the bullet and send it out.

What does surprise me is how difficult it is for me to adapt back to using my Windows box. Instead of just using it for Web design, I'm now using it for all the things I once did on my Mac such as Office work, Web browsing, Webmail, et al. When it comes to the bulk of my graphic design work, I will now have to use an alternate Mac in the office thus killing my tendency to just wheel back and forth between computers and working on multiple projects simultaneously (I'm the ultimate computer multitasker).

I realize that many things, such as Office and Firefox should function at least close to similarly on both Mac and Windows. I am here to tell you that this is NOT the case. On the surface, they seem the same, but, after using it on one platform as opposed to another for as long as I have, it can be very difficult to reacclimate to the other. Something as simple as a keyboard shortcut needs to be relearned. And it's shocking how long it's taking me to figure things out.

And, of course, I will only have to go back and reteach myself when the Mac comes back from the shop. Thankfully, I won't forget it all entirely as I still have my beauty of a Mac at home. At least I have that going for me right now.

So who will be first to name the song that this post title comes from?

I would also like to inform you of a couple minor changes I've implemented over the course of the last week or so.

First, I've disabled TrackBacks. They were getting pretty pointless. I always told myself that when TrackBack spam exceeded the number of legitimate TrackBacks I received, I would kill it. Well, that time came. I think TrackBacks are still enabled for older posts, but you won't be able to on any newer ones. Sorry. Just no meaningful purpose.

Second, I've enabled e-mail authentication on comments. This only means that if you want to leave a comment, you will have to enter an e-mail address in the comment form. No big deal for most of you. You already do it anyway. But I want to know that all comments from people I don't immediately recognize are legit as well. If you don't want to leave your real e-mail for fear of webspiders collecting them, e-mail me and let me know and we'll figure something out so you can still comment.

Latest Fun With Dead Trees review - I need to welcome new guest reviewer Claire of Taller Than Average Tales who chimes in with her review of My Life So Far by Jane Fonda.

Crazy, just like me...

I finally got 44 of the 215 photos I took of the Chicago Architectural Boat Tour posted on Flickr. Yes, it was Chicago and I had a camera in hand, would you expect any less of me? I'm just happy I bought a 1 GB card out in California or I would've risked running out of space. I hate when that happens.

Suffice it to say, we had a blast and I highly recommend this cruise to anyone who lives in or just visits this great city. You learn a lot about the city's history and the sights are second to none. And at about $25 per person for a little over an hour (there are options for more expensive cruises), it's very reasonable. That, alone, shocked the hell out of me.

Flags on the bridge crossing the Chicago River on Michigan Avenue

Wyland defaced
I wanted to bring attention to the fact that some asshole developer decided to build a parking structure that would eventually completely cover this beautiful humpback whale mural by the famed painter Wyland. Just not right.

Continue reading "Crazy, just like me..." »

After the boys of summer have gone...

For those of you wondering what some of those photos from yesterday represent, aside from the obvious Chicago connection, we went on an architectural boat tour of the city and it was a blast. Yes, more photos and a more in-depth description is forthcoming.

For now, though, some random thoughts...

The end of the summer
I was opening the gym this morning and processing some new memberships when I looked at today's date and realized we are now in September. Would somebody care to explain to me when the hell this happened? Where did August go? What about May, June, and July before that? This summer was just way too friggin' quick. And I don't like it. How'd I miss it all?

MySpace is actually kinda cool
I know I was hesitant at first about joining MySpace. But, all in all, it's been a pretty cool experience. Not only does it give me a different way to connect with people I know, but I've rediscovered some people that I had long since given up hope of ever hearing from again. In recent months, I had an old roommate from college contact me. We have on-again/off-again communication, but we're both not the best about keeping in touch. And now we have another way to publicly harass each other. It's great.

But the biggest surprise came this weekend when I received a Friend request from yet another old college roommate that I hadn't heard from, literally, in 10 years. He graduated and dropped off the face of the Earth. None of us who were friends with him knew how to get in contact with him. Then, after a decade, I receive a MySpace message with his name asking to be my friend. Woah! Very friggin' cool! I was pretty stoked to see that he was still around and wanted to get back in touch.

Fortune cookies
This was my fortune from Ben Pao Chinese restaurant in Chicago yesterday...

Listen these next few days to your friends to get answers you seek

Is there something you all aren't telling me?

Maybe you're crazy...

I'm not going to give you a full-blown post just now as we are still in the recovery phase of our evening. We've been in downtown Chicago with Brian and Jen just spending the day doing a lot of nothing and enjoying every minute. So I will leave you with some photos to tide you over until I can get them all posted on Flickr with descriptions (if I can remember what the hell they all are).

The uploading will take a while considering I took more than 200 photos just on my camera. Katie probably took about 50 on hers. We won't upload them all, of course, but we do need to weed through them all.

Dsc02572   Dsc02621

Dsc02740   Dsc02715_1

You know I need you desperately...

Entourage Yesterday, I finally got around to watching the season finale of Entourage. Brilliant! Absolutely nothing short of spectacular TV viewing. Heck, the entire season has resulted in this show moving to the top of the pack in my list of favorite shows. If I had actually tuned in during season 2, I'm sure it would've taken numerous prizes in the Primetime TV Kappy Awards. Alas I was a late bloomer with Entourage and didn't finish watching the first season on DVD until the second season was half over. And we didn't have TiVo back then.

This morning, however, I read some horrific news regarding the show. This courtesy of IMDb. And I pray it's all lies.

Federline to Guest Star on 'Entourage'

Britney Spears' husband Kevin Federline has scored another acting role on a hit TV series and will guest star on Entourage. Federline has already shot a guest appearance on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation that will air in October. Now the aspiring rapper has scored another plum part and will appear in three episodes of Entourage -- playing himself.

My only hope of redemption regarding this news is that Federline will be a corpse in CSI. This I can forgive.

Me [at Federline in C.S.I.]: Ha! So much for leaving behind a good-looking corpse. What would you like on your tombstone!

Perhaps he will be used by Ari (Jeremy Piven) as an example of what Vinnie (Adrian Grenier) might become if he doesn't get his career under control in Entourage. Or they'll show him being fired or otherwise rejected by Ari because he's a no-talent assclown who has no hope of making it in Hollywood. This would make me laugh.

Me [at Federline in Entourage]: Yeah Ari! You show that no-talent assclown who the boss is! Suck it, Fed!

Alas, I fear it will be nothing of the sort and that K-Fed will actually have a significant role. I fear that Federline will wind up as Turtle's (Jerry Ferrara) next rap star client. Sad. Truly.

Oh dear God, say it ain't so!!