Today's Lyrical Challenge from rennratt. The song is "Fat Bottomed Girls" from Queen.
"I don't know what we're going to do if we move into a house where we actually have neighbors in back of us," Katie told me over the weekend.
"Huh? What do you mean? Why's that a big deal?" I asked.
"Well, I've just become so accustomed to not having anyone behind us and I enjoy keeping our shades open. But if we have neighbors behind us, we risk them looking in. And then there's you..."
"Me? What did I do?"
Then it dawned on me... my morning routine.
Katie is lucky in that she gets to sleep much later than I do on any given weekday morning. I work at 8 a.m. every weekday. But she works in a retail environment with a variable schedule. On Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, she doesn't work until 9 a.m. On Monday and Wednesday, she doesn't have to show up until 1 p.m. My workday is already more than half over by that time.
Despite my excessive jealousy over this arrangement, I tend to play the role of "Nice Hubby" and make as little noise as possible in our bedroom in the morning as I get ready for work. So I shower, brush my teeth, grab my clothes, and go downstairs.
Note that I said "grab my clothes" and not "get dressed."
Yeah, I have this habit of just grabbing my stuff and heading downstairs in nothing but my underwear. Why? Well, like I said above, I try to keep the bedroom as quiet as possible. However, this does seem kinda stupid considering the noise the shower makes. But I do it anyway; it's more the gesture than anything. Plus, we live in a townhouse complex where we are one of the middle units (read: no side windows). All we have are the little dome windows at the top of our front door and then the big sliding glass backdoor.
But, as I've also noted above, we have no neighbors behind us. All that's there is a berm with some tall pine trees. A couple hundred feet behind that we have railroad tracks. Then the empty surrounding fields for several hundred more feet. A major road. Some big backyards. Then, finally, houses.
But these houses are somewhere between a quarter and a third of a mile away. Unless they're looking through some high-powered binoculars, they ain't gonna see jack. Even if they do break out the peepers and decide they want to look, and, God forbid, keep looking, I might as well make it worth their while, right?
So, yeah, my morning consists of about a half hour of walking around downstairs in my underwear. I may even check e-mail or blog in my undies. Hey! If financial institutions can advertise banking in the clothes you were born in to promote their online services, surely I can justify blogging in my boxer briefs. At least I'm slightly more family friendly in my underwear.
To those of you who have met me in person, this concept may seem horrific. For those mental images, I apologize profusely. But never you worry should we become backyard neighbors. I am back in the gym and running again after about a month off. My pansy ass is gonna be slim and trim and binocular worthy. I promise! This wouldn't be a problem if exercise was fun.
This is the second in a series of four lyrical challenge response posts. Today's post, suggested by rennratt, was tied in third place with five votes. The remaining two winners are:
- "I hope you know that this will go down in your permanent
record" from "Kiss Off" by the Violent Femmes suggested by Karl (six
- "Letters I've written; never meaning to send" from "Nights in White
Satin" by The Moody Blues suggested by Rick (five votes)
I will complete these other challenges on Tuesday, September 19 and Thursday, September 21, if all goes well. No
word on which one will be posted next. That all
depends upon my personal inspiration.