Living dead girl...
Because I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it...

Feed me all night long...

Instead of depressing myself with a post about how pathetic Halloween was this year compared with last, I'm going to just give you a story about something that happened to me over the weekend. Is that cool with you?

Lady at the Jewel Deli Counter: How can I help you today, sir?

Me:
Yes, I’d like a pound of the Chef’s Choice American cheese.

LatJDC:
How would you like that cut?

Me:
Ummm… I’m not sure how to answer that for cheese.

LatJDC:
Well, I can give you a sandwich cut or you can have a giant one pound brick.

Me:
Yeah, let’s go with slices.

LatJDC:
You look hungry, would you like to try a sample?

Me:
Okay, sure. Why not?

LatJDC:
Here’s an end piece. It wouldn’t make for a full slice anyway. I always get in trouble because I do my grocery shopping when I’m hungry.

Me:
That’s not a good idea.

LatJDC:
I wind up buying all the stuff I don’t need and don’t want.

Me:
Correction… you want it, you just don’t need it.

LatJDC:
True. So do you like the cheese?

Me:
Yep. It’s good stuff.

[Katie walks up with a perplexed look on her face.]

LatJDC: Oh, here’s another end piece you can eat.

Me: Um okay.

[I hand the second piece to Katie as slicing ensues.]

LatJDC: Here’s your pound of cheese. Would you like anything else?

Me: How about a half pound of the Sara Lee honey ham?

LatJDC: Sure. Would you like a sample of this as well?

Me: Yeah, okay.

LatJDC: Here’s two slices for you.

Me: Thanks.

[I eat one slice and hand the other to Katie. Katie walks away to continue shopping. Slicing commences.]

Me [looking in the deli case]: Oh wow, you carry jalapeno poppers?

LatJDC: Yes, we carry them on occasion

Me: I’m going to have to remember to try those some time.

LatJDC: Here, try one.

Me: Oh, okay. Thanks.

LatJDC: What do you think?

Me: They’re very good. I’ll have to remember to get those the next time I have friends over.

LatJDC: Well bear in mind that we don’t carry them all the time. And when we do get them, they go fast.

Me: Okay, I’ll remember that. Thanks.

LatJDC: You’re welcome and here’s your ham. Have a great day.

I walk away and find Katie. She eyes me suspiciously and asks, “Is your new girlfriend finally done flirting with you?” I roll my eyes.

And thus begins my apparent affair of the stomach with the deli counter girl at Jewel/Osco.


Latest Fun With Dead Trees reviews - *lynne* chips in with Jesse Kellerman's Sunstroke, Claire's back with Barbara Watterson's Introducing Egyptian Hieroglyphs and David Rakoff's Don't Get Too Comfortable, while I throw in Frank Miller's Batman: The Dark Knight Returns.

Comments

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Dagny

Yep, you definitely have a new girlfriend. But at least she gave you a second slice whenever Katie appeared.

SJ

Clearly, the counter girl is a sucker for big brown eyes! Maybe she'll give you a discount next time.

ms. sizzle

She's a good sales girl. ;)

sandra

Kevin = P.I.M.P.

Rick

So the gals have this whole conspiracy thing goin' on... and we're just happy to get a free lunch. Have I got that right?

Dragon

Don't try to figure us women out, Kevin. It will only make your hair hurt. :)

diane

Hey Kevin, which Jewel is this?
I mean, you know, there's only as many as there are Starbucks around here. ;)
That's so nice. I like when people are nice. And give free samples.
Don't forget to try Chicago's jalapeno poppers! They come with cream cheese OR cheddar cheese and are DELICIOUS!!

Chase

1) She'd better stay away from your ass. That's MINE! (Sorry, Katie)

2) Um...how were her...loaves?


*wiggles eyebrows*

BA

The path to a man's heart is through his stomach... :)

kapgar

Dagny, clearly she was playing it safe.

SJ, never thought to ask... damn!

Sizzle, yes she was.

Sandra, dare I ask what the acronym stands for in your twisted mind? ;-)

Rick, it would seem that way.

Dragon, good thing I'm going bald then. Less trauma!

Diane, cheese... one of the quickest routes to a man's heart. So long as he's not lactose intolerant, I suppose.

Chase, you need help. That's why I love ya.

BA, that it, my friend. That it is.

claire

that's hilarious. My mom often comments on women hitting on my dad (aka chatting him up and asking him to reach high items) at the grocery store.

Neil

Why bother to make lunch? Just go to the deli counter every day.

Jules

praytell where is this deli counter? i am in need of love in the form of cheese chunks.

kapgar

Claire, I still maintain that a little innocent flirtation goes a long way in the retail world.

Neil, I should. Shame it's a bit out of my way for lunch.

Jules, St. Charles, IL. A little far for you?

Jacquie

it's odd that KT commonly seems to accuse you of having other girlfriends when it's completely obvious that you are head over heels, only have eyes for her. But then again, in her defense, you do have a lot of girlfriends.

kapgar

Shhhhhh!!!

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