Have you ever looked at yourself in the context of where you work and what you do for them and wondered if there was an ulterior motive behind your hiring? A more nefarious purpose for you at your place of employment?
Do you mean like that little catch-all tagline on your employment contract that reads "and other duties as assigned"?
No, no. I'm talking much darker. Far outside the scope of what would normally be considered a reasonable job expectation.
Like when Jim Carrey was promoted to serve as a scapegoat for his tech company in Fun With Dick and Jane?
Closer. But still much more evil.
Oh, do tell.
I'm a Web designer and my willingness to adapt and learn other skills has resulted in me doing some graphic design work as well as writing, proofreading, and photography on the job. But I wonder, sometimes, if maybe my current job has really hired me to be a payrolled assassin.
What?!?! Have you lost it, dude?
Perhaps. After all, I am holding up two ends of a shared conversation within a single post.
Good point. So what evidence do you have to support this theory?
Well, only one bit of evidence so far. But it may just be enough.
Okay, give it to me, big guy.
Here you go. It's my ID badge. Well, more specifically, the cable winder that attaches the ID badge to my belt loop. This thing is a weapon. I don't know if it's a purposeful or an unintentional weapon, but I've seen enough spy and assassin films to know just what kind of damage this sort of thing can do.
If I pull on the badge, a thin, 2.5-foot-long string is exposed.
I always thought that the purpose behind this is so you don't have to detach your ID badge to scan it or show it to security.
Uh huh. That's what they want you to believe.
This should be good.
I think this device exists for the sole purpose of strangling an enemy at a time to be determined later by one of my higher ups.
Please stop it now. This really hurts.
Wait, just hear me out. It's kinda like The Manchurian Candidate... I could just be sitting there typing away and then a message will be received subconsciously by my brain which will trigger the killer instinct that has clearly been programmed in me by our HR department during those "sensitivity training sessions."
Yeah, some good that "brain" has done you to this point.
What did you say?
Oh, nothing. Don't mind me. You haven't thus far.
Anyway, they want you to believe that it's nothing more than a convenience item... make life easier... riiiiiight. They also want me to believe I'm just a Web designer, but I've uncovered the truth! I have seen the light! And it has an eerie blood-red glow to it.
Sorry, buddy, I'm outta here. I just can't take this.
Wait, you're supposed to be my moral compass!
Pal, you're beyond my help now.
Hey, got a meme for you in the extended post...
Science fiction, fantasy or horror?
I have no preference, honestly. I've liked and hated each equally.
Hardback or trade paperback or mass market paperback?
Typically hardback because they last. But they're so expensive that I really prefer trade paperbacks because the weight of the pages makes the book sit open. Mass market paperback spines break far too easily. And broken spines drive me nuttier than dogeared pages.
Amazon or brick and mortar?
Brick and mortar because I love the smell of bookstores as strange as that may sound.
Barnes & Noble or Borders?
Borders... B&N charges too much for their Starbucks coffee and they don't give free refills.
Hitchhiker or Discworld?
Hitchhiker. I'm not familiar with Discworld.
Bookmark or dogear?
Bookmark. Frances said it best.
Magazine: Asimov’s Science Fiction or Fantasy & Science Fiction?
Alphabetize by author, alphabetize by title, or random?
Author. Then I put in order by publication date.
Keep, throw away or sell?
Depends on how much I like the book. Some I keep, the rest I sell. I never throw away.
Keep dustjacket or toss it?
Read with dustjacket or remove it?
Short story or novel?
I have always been a short story fan. Comes from my college English classes. Love, love, love 'em.
Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket?
Harry Potter. Although this is biased as I have not read any Lemony Snicket books. Saw the movie and Jim Carrey weirded me out.
Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
Chapter breaks, if at all possible. It's hard for me to pick up a thought in the middle. Although if there is a natural break within a chapter, I may stop there.
“It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”?
Buy or borrow?
Depends on the author. If it's one I love and am pretty sure I'll want to keep or loan to others, I'll buy. Library otherwise.
Buying choice: book reviews, recommendation, or browse?
Recommendations and browsing. Although browsing isn't easy in a big place like Borders. Too much stuff.
Lewis or Tolkien?
I've read two out of three of the LOTR books and no Lewis novels whatsoever. But that doesn't mean I give the edge to Tolkien because I have yet to bring myself to read Return of the King.
Collection (short stories by the same author) or anthology (short stories by different authors)?
Collection. Especially if it's a quality author.
Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
If I'm behind the times and the subsequent book is already out and available for me to read, then a cliffhanger. If I have to wait for it to come out, then no. I have too much trouble remembering what I read to be able to come back months or years down the road.
Morning reading, afternoon reading or nighttime reading?
It used to be night because I got a lot done. But I get so wiped at work these days, I prefer to read during lunch because I fall asleep in bed far too easily.
Standalone or series?
See my answer to "Tidy ending or cliffhanger."
New or used?
I can handle used if they are gently used and I prefer to support indie stores such as used bookstores.
Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green by Joshua Braff
Top five favorite genre books of all time?
Am I supposed to stick within one genre? I'm not sure what this question means. Since I don't quite know what it means, I'm picking a single book within a series that I love. Sound okay?
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
- Dune by Frank Herbert
- Fletch by Gregory McDonald
- The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris - shame that the series went to crap with Hannibal and I won't touch any since then.
Favorite genre series?
I really don't know. Perhaps Harry Potter?
I've got a few going right now, but I'm actively reading Cross by James Patterson because it's due back to the library on Thursday.