You know something is wrong when the only game your softball team has won, so far, is by forfeit.

Yeah, after a year off, I'm back to playing softball again. This time I'm playing 14" softball (never heard of that one before) in a far less competitive league that does it more for fun than the last one I played with that was pretty cutthroat.

And it's a good thing we're not as piratic in nature as we really suck. Until last night, we were 0-3 having been mopped up by all the teams we've played. In our second game, the slaughter rule couldn't have possible been enacted any quicker. The other team scored 34 runs against us before the ump could finally call the slaughter. Other teams pulled off 13- and 14-run performances against us.

Oh yeah, and in each of our first three games, we only had a single run.

Last night, though, we were really looking forward to playing the team as they also had an 0-3 record. "The Duel of the Bottom Feeders," I called it.

Even though it was officially considered a forfeit because the other team couldn't fill up their roster, we all decided to play an exhibition game just for practice. That's when we started wishing we were playing for real. We actually began to pull it together as a team and we won! Something like 14-8, I think. I flew out on my first at bat and nailed an RBI double over second base in my second at bat. I was stoked.

In addition to being called "The Duel of the Bottom Feeders," it could easily have also been known as the "Dust Bowl Duel" because it had been so long since we had rain that the dirt from the field was being kicked up with every step you took. It was both blinding and choking. And the wind was so wicked and unpredictable that you were guaranteed to have it blow right at you regardless of where you stood. When wearing contact lenses, this is the last thing you want to have happen.

After the game, Katie needed to get in a final few shopping stops and wanted me to go with her. Imagine my delight at showing up at some trendy stores wearing my brown-dust covered shorts and shirt simply because I had nothing else to wear and no place to change even if I could. I got the evil eye from some of the saleswomen so I just smiled like I was a homeless guy looking for handouts. I don't think they appreciated it nor could they have gotten me out of their stores any quicker.

Right about then, I really wanted to pull a Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman. "Yeah, biiggggg mistake... huge." But I just don't have the money to buy enough stuff at other shops to make it believable. Bummer.