Let's see... story about guys who made me ashamed to be male and human or my creative writing about flying over some of the most fantastic scenery ever? Well, I've got the latter recorded in my Moleskine, so I think I'll opt for the former before it fades from memory forever. Wouldn't want to disappoint Sandra by forgetting the story. Sound cool to you?

I want to say this was Friday morning in Vegas. Katie was out doing some of the girlie things that bridesmaids do and my brother and I decided to head poolside. We searched for nearly 10 minutes for chaise lounges before we finally found a pair at the very last pool furthest from the hotel property. We were the final two lounges in a row about 10 feet away from the actual pool. Right next to us were two guys in their early 20s.

My brother and I sat out and tanned for about 20 minutes before going into the pool. We went through this routine once or twice more. However, on the second-to-last tanning session, I heard one of the guys next to me on his cellphone talking to some buddies about coming down to the pool and hanging out and drinking some beer. Yeah, whatever. No big deal.

In our final time in the pool as we were passing around a Nerf football we purchased the night before, I looked over and saw that the two guys now had two more guys with them. They were all standing up talking and drinking basically because they had no place to sit. We watched them as we continued passing the ball to ensure that they didn't try to take our seats. Several minutes later, my brother and I got out of the pool and headed over to our lounges. We were cooked and ready to head in.

We sat on the ends of our seats and dried off. My brother grabbed his Blackjack and started to check messages and whatnot. I figured we would just get up and go leaving our lounges for the two new arrivals next to us.

However, during the next several minutes of my brother's message checking, I started listening in to what they were saying. And I quickly changed my mind about simply ceding our chairs to them.

"Oh, I'd never get it on with a fat chick... no way!"

Dear Christ no. Please don't tell me I'm sitting next to assholes (that's a quarter, I can afford it).

"Well, I did it once with one, but only because she had an awesome car."

And I am. Yay.

Several more comments such as this were passed among them. Then I heard one of them say, "I hope these guys next to us leave soon. I want their chairs."

The mental gears began to grind.

My brother hung up his phone and looked over to me to see if I was ready to go. I said not quite. He asked why and I relayed what I heard to him. He hung his head in disgust and asked what my plan was. I told him my plan was simply to leave when I was good and ready.

"Good and ready" arrived in the form of two 50-something women who were sharing our earlier frustration searching for lounges. I looked over to them and asked if they were, indeed, looking for a place to sit. They confirmed that they were and I offered them our seats. They were more than happy to accept. I remained seated until they were close enough that it was clear to everyone around us that they would be sitting in our lounges and no one could try to cut them off in a mad dash to sit down.

We walked away to profuse thanks from the two women and we also stopped about 20 feet away to make sure that the jagoffs didn't try to bargain them out of the seats. They didn't, so we continued on.

I got knucks and a "nicely played" from my brother.

I felt good about myself the rest of the day.

Totally Unrelated Aside (TUA): As Katie and I were unloading our suitcases last night and separating the clothes into washing-machine-ready piles, I overheard her as she discovered the side pocket containing dirty underwear and socks... "It smells like crotch!"

I couldn't stop laughing for five minutes.