Between a rock and a hard place...
Look away...

I got 99 problems...

Hey, I finally got around to listening to the Jay-Z album -- The Black Album -- I got from the library and Dagny, Hilly, and Erin are right... he's damn good. So before I get into this post, I need to thank all three of them for the recommendation made back in my "bands for each decade" post.

Something about the name "99 Problems" struck me as familiar when I saw it on the track list on my iPod, so I skipped ahead to it. As soon as I heard it, I was certain I knew it.

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems, but a *****
ain't one.

Huh? What? Jay, talk to me, man! What are you trying to say? What ain't one?

Hmm, maybe it was a glitch in the CD. This has been known to happen on library checkouts. They get beat to death and nobody ever cleans or descratches them. Yeah, it's gotta be a glitch. Let's keep listening shall we?

...You'd be celebrating the minute you was havin' dough.
I'm like **** critics you can kiss my whole *******.

Uh-oh, I heard it two more times. The what critics can kiss your whole what?

This isn't looking good.

It would appear that my library, or whichever library sent this out on interlibrary loan, decided to stick me with the safe-for-WalMart, censored edition.

Oh how I hate this crap. I'm getting screwed by the Censorship Police and Tipper didn't even cuddle with me afterwards. Inconsiderate *****.

There's nothing I hate more than censorship of music, movies, and television. Oh wait, one thing I hate more, not being warned that it's happening.

Parentaladvisory Something similar happened one time when I bought a CD from Wal-Mart. What you must understand is that Wal-Mart is not always a big fan of the Parental Advisory labels. They think it looks bad for a good Christian mother to see her kids asking to buy a CD with one of those black-and-white monstrosities on them. You'd think this is a good thing. If they don't like those labels, then they carry the real album in all its nasty glory, right? Not the case. Wal-Mart, being the powerhouse negotiator they are, manages to get record companies to press alternate copies for them. Ones that don't need the Parental Advisory label because they have no inappropriate content seeing as how it's all been cut out or bleeped over.

I bought whatever CD it happened to be at the time and took it home and played it. There were sound cuts throughout. It had been edited and nowhere on the wrapping or price tag did it say as such.

The next day I took that piece of sanitized BS back to the Retail Borg (tm) and demanded a refund. They wouldn't give it to me. I was in shock. I had effectively been tricked into buying the wrong thing. As far as I was concerned, it was a variant of the old bait and switch tactic. You come in under the guise of great prices to buy a CD and are not given what you expect.

I have never purchased another CD from Wal-Mart since.

But I still must rectify the Jay-Z situation. I need to hear this album in all its curse-laden glory and not even iTunes has the whole thing! I think I may have to stop at a store and, gulp, buy a CD!!! I haven't done this in a long time. I only buy the digital tracks anymore. Woah.

Totally Unrelated Aside (TUA): Seriously. Who dreams about resodding their backyard? When they live in a townhouse???

Oh yeah... me, apparently.


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Well, it's probably not so helpful or melodious, but I love that album so much that I think I could literally sing the whole thing for you.

99 problems is one of my favorite songs in life (proving how eclectic my tastes are as some of my other faves are, you know, country music songs.)


...but a bitch ain't one.

I love Jay-z! HOV! Okay done geeking....why even sell and album if you are going to ruin it? I know, Wal Mart is all family friendly and stuff...then they should just not sell albums that have cussing and focus on rolling back the prices of toilet paper and such ;).

I'm going to upload some of the Jay-z/Linkin Park mash ups for you...I will let you know the URL's when you are done :).


THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!I have a party to go to Saturday and now I'm bald!!Wal-mart is ** and*** and they can**** where the sun don't shine and they make me *** OOOHHH!!! I just start ripping my own hair out over this!! (now my daughter's bf burns cd's for me!)SHH!


Censored CD? That totally blows. At school, the kids were always asking me to play the MP3s on my phone. I often had to say no because I don't listen to the kid friendly versions.


How much are you charging per use for "Retail Borg" 'cuz I am totally using that.

Go Braves!!!



Bre, 99 Problems is fantastic. I'm right there with you.

Hilly, don't worry about it. I have that album already. Thanks, though!

metalmom, you're bald? What? What did I miss?

Dagny, completely blows.

Michelle, $100 per use! But that's only because you're a Braves fan. Anybody else it's free. ;-)


I hate, hate, hate when I get censored. I mean, really...f


I looooove 99 Problems-- specially that last line where he switches to "Bein' a bitch ain't one." Ooh, shivers. But "The Grey Album," DJ Dangermouse's mash-up of Jay-Z's Black Album and the Beatles' White Album is even better. Pure genius. 99 Problems and Helter Skelter were damn well made for each other. Must find. Must listen.


The walmart cd fiasco would've made me livid. Not surprised they wouldn't take it back though, the cocksuckers.

Thanks for the reminder that they have unlabeled but censored cds. I rarely buy cds these days too, but by the next time I do, I might've forgotten their practice.


I got 99 problems, but a ***** ain't one.

I'm like **** critics you can kiss my whole *******.

The missing words are "flat tire", "awesome", and "face". You're welcome.

L.A. Daddy

I feel that pain indeed. As an artist who writes and makes movies, I'll make what I want to make. Don't change it, fix it, or even touch it. It's mine, it's how I made it, and if you don't like it--

You can go...

No. Even easier. Just don't look at it.


sue, I hate it too!

Erin, I gotta check out that Dangermouse mash up.

claire, happy to help.

Holygirl, thanks for the clarification! I had a feeling those were the words.

LA Daddy, and yet Wally World likes to have their fingers in everything. Event that which they'd chop to hell and back.


Erin - ha, that is my favorite part of the song!


People still buy CDs? Places still SELL CDs?


Hilly, nicely ironic, isn't it?

ingenue, this place I went looking for it (a used CD store) still sells VHS!


"People still buy CDs? Places still SELL CDs?"

Haha my thoughts exactly

JD for president!


Dan, I agree with you.

JD, no chance in hell.

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