The world is a vampire, set to dra-ee-aa-ee-ain...
Don't need nothin' but a good time...

If you want me, I'll be in the bar...

This is the first in a series of posts suggested by readers in the second Kapgar Lyrical Challenge. Today's title suggested by Bec, whose blog, as of this morning, is apparently under temporary suspension by her hosting company. What did you do now, Bec?

Drunkenness can lead to many a memorable escapade. I know from multiple experiences... my 19th birthday, my 21st birthday, my 25th birthday, several other drunken outings throughout my college years, and one time when I was about three years old.

Well, I guess I should clarify, they were memorable to those around me. My own memories of them? Pretty well shot, to be honest. Pun fully intended.

My 19th birthday involved lots of Rumplemintz. What happened after that? Your guess is as good as mine. My 21st birthday? I remember shots one through eight. That's when they hit me with the Three Wisemen (Jack, Johnny, and Jim, all in one glass). After a few rolfing episodes and my roommate sticking me in the shower and dousing me, I can safely say that the only wise thing about them is to never mix them. Three years old? No clue whatsoever. You'll have to ask my parents.

My 25th birthday, on the other hand, I remember fairly well. It was also my brother's 21st birthday (they fall six days apart) and we decided to take part in a DeKalb, IL, tradition known as "riding the rail." This involved paying ahead of time to receive a punch card that lists about a dozen and a half 20-ounce beers that were to be chugged during a single time period during which the bar was open. Each time you drink, you get a punch on the card. The beers ranged from piss water (Milwaukee's Best) to liquid charcoal (Guinness Extra Stout) and everybody you talked to had a theory as to the best way to consume them with as minimal effect as possible.

They were all full of it.

All you can really do is drink and hope for the best. And, more often than not, the best would elude you completely.

My friends BDub and MadIrishMan (MIM) were in town for the festivities and to take part themselves.

I remember making it through all the beers without a problem. There was just the random trip to the bathroom as holding off on breaking the proverbial seal just wasn't going to happen no matter how hard we tried. Better to just take the time and make the trip.

I also remember leaving the bar to go home with little to no incident at all once all the drinking was said and done. I lived about a half mile from the bar so we walked. At the end of my parking lot, apparently, my brother and MIM had enough of each other and started sparring. BDub and I broke it up and we continued on to the steps leading up to my third-floor apartment.

This is where my memory fails. The rest is just a mad spiral downward.

I don't remembering ascending the staircase. I don't remember entering my apartment. I don't remember Katie helping me to the bathroom (she couldn't go with us because she was already sick with legitimate flu symptoms). I don't remember dry heaving until every blood vessel in my right eye popped. I don't remember being left in the tub of my bathroom with the shower running (what is it with me and showers when I'm drunk?). I don't remember my brother passing out in the fetal position in the papasan chair in my living room. I don't remember MIM passing out in my roommates' bathroom with his back against the door and feet wedged against the toilet thus keeping himself stuck inside and everyone else out. I also don't remember my female roommate coming into my bathroom when all attempts to dislodge MIM failed and she just really needed to go, so she closed the shower curtain between us.

About the only thing I do remember is waking up... and wishing I never even did that.

I was too sick to do anything for the next 24 hours. I could barely move. And my parents as well as Katie's parents were coming out the next day to take us all to dinner as part of a mass family surprise birthday dinner planned by Katie. Great timing, Kev.

Seven and a half years later and I still haven't completely lived it down.

Comments

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Bre

The administrator in me is cringing and resisting the urge to lecture you on how dangerous it can be to put a drunk person in the shower.

The ridiculous Irish girl in me (who has been there many many times) is cheering you on!

metalmom

OOOH! That's bad! The worst that's ever happened to me was that I passed out and woke in bed with another woman! Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime!

August

Oooh, I like how I feel after one, maybe two beers. I hate hurling so I have avoided drinking to that point...so far.. whew.

Dagny

Obviously I am going through "My Boys" withdrawals because all I could think was this could almost be an episode.

sue

BUT...you thought you were having fun at the time!

tori

My husband has a similar story. Including the part about me being sick for real and helping him. Too funny!

g-man

The only thing better is getting the "tour" the next day. "you puked here, see. Oh and over there is where you fell down, and there, and there. Oh, and you really should call so-in-so and apologize."

It is a real friend that will strip you down to your underpants put you in a cot, cover you up, launder your clothes to remove the vomit then answer all you questions starting with "How the hell did I end up here in my underpants?"

sizzle

for shame dear kevin! ;)

kapgar

Bre, Katie has revealed to me that she didn't put me in the shower. I lead myself in there. Whoops.

metalmom, now that's a story.

August, time to get you blitzed.

Dagny, a scary episode.

sue, oh it was!

tori, it was going around apparently. ;-)

g-man, my brother in law has given that tour of an entire city.

sizzle, are you really ashamed? Or even surprised for that matter?

Bec

I forgot to pay my hosting bill on the 1st of the month and then discovered that I had £500 less than no money in my account and my credit card was maxed out by someone who had used it to phone bad things and order lots of stuff off the internet using my Paypal account...
My Mum is currently financing Camel. Bless her.

And I love these stories - part of me is planning a night out and the rest is remembering the sick sick sick feeling I get everytime I do!

kapgar

But a good night out sounds necessary right now! Enjoy it!

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