You got me down on my knees...
The Simpsons...

Wake up, dreamer, it's happening without you...

Are you a planner or a planned-for?

What I mean is, do you actively make plans for yourself at all times or, if in a couple, are you the one that makes plans for all social engagements; or do you rely on someone else, in many cases your significant other, to make plans for you?

In my marriage, Katie is definitely the planner and I'm the planned-for. There's simply no question about it. I'm not entirely sure how we fell into these roles. It just kinda happened. One day, I never knew what was going on because, even while single, I wasn't much of a planner. The next, I had a walking, talking Day Planner... and one that kisses very well, too. Added bonus.

I hate making plans to do things. I hate trying to remember what's going on a month from now let alone tomorrow. What are Katie and I doing on the 4th of July? I've asked her a few times and she's told me, but I still don't really remember that well. When the time comes, she'll get us where we need to be.

Of course, I cannot use her at work. That would just be awkward. Can you imagine me calling her up at her work while I'm at my own job and then ask, "Hon, what are my meetings for the day?" Just not good.

So I've thought that in a life in which I'm a planned-for, I always had work to make me feel like I had some semblance of responsibility for myself and my actions.

Yesterday, I realized this is not the case. Whereas, in my personal life, my planner is a human being -- my wife -- in my professional life, it's more computerized -- my Palm Pilot and my Outlook account. I pay absolutely no attention to what's going on until one of the two, or both, tell me where I need to be and it never dawned on me until yesterday.

I was sitting at my desk typing away when all of a sudden my Palm Pilot sprung to life and started chirping an alert that I had a meeting in 15 minutes. "Yeah, yeah," I said. "I know." And I hit the clear button.

"Were you talking to me?" said my office mate.

"Um... no," I replied. It was then that it hit me, I was talking to my Palm Pilot. I was treating it as though it were human -- more specifically, I suppose, Katie -- and I were responding to a comment about some place we need to be.

Oh crap, I've lost complete control of my actions. I'm just an automaton going through the motions of life, performing an act or going some place that something or someone else dictates.

And, now that I think about it, it doesn't bother me one bit. ;-)


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Just to be clear- Did you compare Katie to your Palm Pilot? I am Metaldad's 'human palm pilot' His idea of technology is his cell phone but he doen't know how to text or voice mail. (pain in the ass!) It's our new business and of couse I'm his #1 employee.


I am always the planner, and my husband just goes wherever I tell him we are supposed to be. It works out great, except when kids are involved, it is easy for the planner to sometimes feel stressed out and need a break from all the scheduling and reminding. Just keep that in mind for later when/if you decide to have kids.


I do that to my iCal and my mobile whenever they remind to be places... although my language is usually a little more 'colourful'; and with the mobile there is a throwing action too...

Oh, and I'm a planner... I try and become everyone else's planner too... I have no life so obviously no one else does so I should fill their time too!


Right now, by default, I'm both the planner and the planned-for. Can't wait to find myself a lovely planner, though. One that kisses well is a must.


I'm the type of person who can coordinate events well (when are we going, who is driving, blah blah) but I hate making the decisions about what we're doing.

And no worries - I talk to my blackberry rather often.


Steven is the exact same way - I remember all of our social occasions, as well as reminding him of birthdays, holidays, etc. and he uses outlook at work (which he syncs to his phone). Maybe women just have a better memory for these things ;)


This question turned out to be a lot more interesting for me to answer than I thought when I originally clicked on it! I realized that *I* make all family plans and Shawn makes almost all of the social plans except of course, if it is just me hanging out with my buddies. Since mostly it is HIS friends here, we hang out with them....we don't ever hang with my friends as a couple. Hrmmm, telling.


I am definitely a planner. That's part of the reason why Musician Boy had to go. He couldn't fully plan something if his life depended on it. He tried to surprise me once with his planning abilities. *sigh*

I say this because my friends definitely rely on me for plans. Special occasion coming up? Don't worry. Dagny will tell us all where we're going and when to be there.

Before I was teaching, I had a boss who relied on my abilities in this area. The stuff would be on his Outlook calendar but I would still have to remind him. "You have a luncheon with..." "Your mother's birthday is in a week. Have you started thinking about a gift or should I just get the same thing I got her last year?"


i'm a definitely a planner and a good kisser. ;)

The Exception

I think that women naturally do this whether we want to or not. I am not a big planner - leaves this to happenstance. That said, I manage my daughter's calendar.

I read that even when men stay at home and run the kids here and there, it is the wife that manages the schedule.

Women keep the calendar and men retain useless and random pieces of trivia. I suppose it all evens out! ;)


metalmom, you should've read the first draft, there is no question I was comparing her to a Palm Pilot. But I tried to cut back. Katie's better than a Palm Pilot. Those things don't react well to kissing.

tori, oh it is a "when," not an "if."

Bec, I throw my phone too.

Karl, they're fun when they're kissable.

Bre, okay, I'm not the only one who talks to inanimate objects.

kilax, women must.

Hilly, are you trying to tell me my post wasn't interesting right off the bat? Harumphh!

Dagny, I think you should be cloned.

sizzle, I don't doubt it!

Exception, I am completely chock full of useless trivia. Just ask Katie. She's tried getting me on game shows to no avail. Bummer.


I'm the Katie/Julie McCoy of my marriage. Occasionally Dan will slip in with, so I told so and so we'd meet them for dinner. I try not to overwhelm or over schedule us and I definitely know the rules...there will be no mall shopping included in any couple plans :o)


Julie McCoy?


I am the planner and my hubby is the planned-for and we both like it that way.


It's not a bad way to be.

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