Welcome to the Kapgar Cineplex 6 where we try to actually make your moviegoing experience fun again! Tickets are relatively inexpensive as are the food and drinks. And if you follow these simple rules, I guarantee you will enjoy the experience. I do not, however, guarantee the movie will be good, but I will provide direct phone numbers to PR departments of the major studios so you can call and bitch if you so desire...
1. Get here early. The doors to each theater close one minute before the trailers begin and you will not be granted entrance after this time. This is not to inconvenience you, but so you do not bother the patrons that were here on time by stumbling around in the dark, stepping on feet, trying to find a few open seats.
2. Seats are assigned. The earlier you purchase your tickets, the better seats you will have. Plus, our online ticket purchasing system will allow you to select your seats ahead of time just like when you buy tickets for a jet. Gone are the days of Southwest Airlines "cattle call boarding" in the movie theater. We want to reward you for purchasing online or being here enough in advance to get good seats. Plus, it also helps us to know if there will be enough empty seats in clusters for couples and other groups coming in closer to the start time.
3. Don't just shut off the ringer on your phone, turn the whole thing off. It's great that some theaters are cracking down on people making or accepting calls during a show, but that's not enough. Just as bad is when people open their phones for texting and the screen lights up and temporarily stuns the eyes of people sitting behind them. Annoying! Violators will have their phones confiscated and then be "stoned" publicly with our collection of phones.
4. We have audio/video security systems built into seats. So be careful what you say or do. We reserve the right to post stupid things on YouTube. That includes you, Mr. I Moan Every Time Angelina Jolie Does Something Sexy During Wanted (that seriously happened to me last night).
5. Ratings are not just unenforced suggestions. We actually go above and beyond what the MPAA suggests with their ratings system. There is no caveat that allows for parental supervision. "G" means that everyone can enter, "PG" allows for anyone over the age of 7 to view the film, "PG-13" means you must be 13 to enter, "R" means you must be 16, and "NC-17" means nobody under 17. IDs must be presented. If there is any question, we will err on the side of caution and deny entrance. Sure, this might seem Stalinist, but considering I saw an infant in a screening of The Omen, I feel extreme measures must be taken.
What other suggestions would you have to make your moviegoing experience more pleasurable and worthwhile at Kapgar Cineplex 6?
Totally Unrelated Aside (TUA): I think I mentioned, at some point in the past, that Katie and I were planning on using a photo I took several years ago of the Golden Gate Bridge as a massive wall hanging in our vaulted-ceiling living room. Well, we did do it and I just completely forgot to post pictures of it. My bad. Here you go...
Here is the finished product. No, we did not cut away negative space to account for the "missing area" in between the frames to make it look more like a window view. We just sliced the picture into pieces and framed it. The reason is because, until we started hanging them, we had no idea how far apart we'd space the frames. This is why the line of headlights looks staggered. Oh well. We like it.