Last weekend, Katie and I were plowing through the TiVo and we watched what has become our favorite midseason replacement show, Flashpoint (yeah yeah Canadians, I know it's the second season of the show for you, but we just got it now; we're slow like that). This particular episode was about a young couple on a crime spree trying to make the most of their last bit of time together as she has some rare, sudden-onset disease that will kill her within days and for which there is no cure. It was a pretty heartbreaking episode, despite the Bonnie & Clyde aspect of it all.
Anyway, while in a final faceoff with the SRU (Toronto's Strategic Response Unit - the stars of the show), it is revealed to the woman that the guy intended to commit suicide after her death. She was unaware of his intentions, figuring he would battle through and continue living, even without her.
In her attempt to convince him to not kill himself, she said something along the lines of, "You'll find love again, I'm sure of it." You could see the guy crumble inside and out as the weight of her prediction hit him.
This killed me inside, as well.
Katie and I always worry about how much time we have together. Call it my paranoid nature, but I've always viewed life as being a roller coaster - for every up, there is a down. Sure, it's not the best way to live life, but it's always struck me as the most realistic and practical. When you tie that into Katie's family medical history as well as the fact that my grandfather suffered from Parkinson's, well, it doesn't help abate the fear, to say the least.
So when that line came up during the episode, I had to pause the TiVo and I said to Kate, "no matter what happens between us, don't you ever say that to me. Promise me." I couldn't bear hearing it between two fictional characters on TV; how in the hell would I ever be able to handle it in real life coming from her? I couldn't. I think it would just make everything worse.
Yeah, so maybe that's a little selfish especially considering, in this scenario, it would be Katie who is dying, but damn.
Would you want to hear something like that? To some it may be reassurance that your loved one wants the best for you even after they're gone. To someone like me, it's forcing me, the surviving party, to come to grips with the fact that we'll no longer be together. Maybe, in the moment, as this sort of thing is actually happening and we're actually living it, my mind would change, but I just don't know.
No TUA today. Doesn't feel right.