Katie and I went to see Friends With Benefits. We've been wanting to see it for a while, but it hasn't fared well and it was obvious, based on the rarity of screenings in the area, that it was doomed for DVD in the very near future. So we went to see it.

As we were leaving the theater (of which we were the only two people in attendance), a younger guy came in to clean it and warned us that there was post-credit footage so we stuck around. While waiting for the credits to end, we began talking to the guy about movies and were able to hold a pretty good conversation with him about all the movies that were out.

After the post-credit footage, Katie went to the bathroom and I continued talking to the guy. When the convo was about to end, I started freaking out.

I do this from time to time as I begin to worry about the proper way to close a conversation with a stranger. I never know so I leave it to the other person more often than not.

This action, of course, leads to me a whole new series of concerns. Will he just do a high-five? Will it be a handshake? Will he try to do one of those series of hand motions that everyone on TV and in the movies is apparently pre-programmed to just know how to do properly?

He went high, but it wasn't a high five. His fingers were curled down a bit and his hand was starting to move down. Crap! Regular five? Some thing with a sequence of fist bumps and finger snaps?

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

Yeah, I completely blew it.

Is there some sort of tutorial for this sort of situation? A YouTube video that shows a way to anticipate what's coming and react accordingly? I mean, it was a great film conversation and I was holding my own really well. The dude was really nice and treating me like one of the guys, for lack of a better way to describe it. And, yet, much like the Chicago Bears, I bombed on the fourth down.

Why am I so uncool? Tell me. Please.

Or, better yet, help me be cool. I know that's a mighty big request, but karma will pay you back for your kindness.

Ooohhhh, they're holding open casting for extras for the new NBC series The Playboy Club here in Chicago.

I've never done any acting, but this could be fun. It's a series about, you guessed it, the old Playboy Clubs of the mid-20th Century complete with women in sexy bunny outfits and whatnot. The casting call asks that you come in full 60s getup including outfits and hair.

That's easy! I'll just put on a suit and, well, that's it! I don't have hair and I don't use makeup!

I could totally fit in with a Playboy Club sort of setting!

Couldn't I?

I couldn't?

Seriously?

Bummer.

*Sigh*