And I swear...
I like to swear. I'm very good at it. I'm not talking Al Pacino level or anything. I mean, that dude can swear like nobody's business. I do strive to be like him, though.
Well, I did anyway. Until the point in time where Katie and I found out that she was pregnant. That lifetime of dedication to the fine art of verbal cursing came to a screeching halt. I'm told that kids are sponges and, whether you realize it or not, they pick up what those around them say and do and feel.
So, um, swearing is out of the question for at least a dozen or more years. Don't need them showing up at grandma's place saying "fuck it" now do we?
I know not all of you are parents, but all of you have been around kids at some point in time or another. So what did you do to get around swearing in front of them? What kinds of alternative phrasing have you used? Please! Give me all your faux-dirtiest!
When you receive an email marked "Important" or "High Priority" or in some other way screaming at you to "GET OFF YOUR ASS AND READ ME NOW!!!!" do you actually drop everything and do it?
Or are you like me who has been sent so many of these exclamation point-laden emails that were so clearly not actually important that you feel like you're playing a game of "boy who cried wolf"?
I hate those damn things. Every time I see one, I want to strangle the sender.
Please tell me I'm not the only one.
Please.
I'm the same way with emails buddy. I can't stand that red exclamation mark and it makes me want to read them even less. Plus it's always the same senders that use the high importance flag and to me it's like the boy who cried wolf, if you use it every time pretty soon I'm just going to ignore the meaning of it.
Posted by: scott | Friday, 25 May 2012 at 09:10 AM
I used to be a preschool teacher and amazingly managed never to swear in front of the children. I didn't have any substitute phrases that I can think of, but one of my students used to yell "Holy Christmas carols!" which cracked me up.
I assure you most parents didn't share your concern for cleaning up their potty mouths around their kids. Many of my four-year-olds knew several colorful words and how to use them. It's really hard to keep a straight face when a preschooler sighs about a bully and tells you, "She's a bitch" or looks out the window and complains "Look at that goddamn rain!"
Posted by: Stacey | Friday, 25 May 2012 at 09:32 AM
I'm pretty sure my son is going to be the one teaching your kid how to swear. =) Because, ummm, we still swear a lot. Around him. We don't usually drop f-bombs. And our swearing is a bit more understated (no yelling fits or anything), but it's hard to clean up our act. I'm quite certain we'll be explaining why Gavin can't use adult words around his friends at school. Sigh.
Posted by: Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks | Friday, 25 May 2012 at 09:43 AM
Let me know how that one goes ;-)
Posted by: kapgar | Friday, 25 May 2012 at 09:53 AM
When the red exclamation point shows up in my in box I get a bit panicked (the pleaser in me thinks I did something wrong) and then whenever I read it it's NOT urgent at all and I get annoyed. I don't think I've ever employed it.
I have, however, sworn in front of my nephew. Not AT him, mind you. But it's a hard habit to break. If we say God around him we apparently owe him a quarter.
Posted by: Sizzle | Friday, 25 May 2012 at 09:53 AM
Does "God" need some follow up to be worth a quarter or are your family members Atheist? Seems like something's missing there.
Posted by: kapgar | Friday, 25 May 2012 at 10:03 AM
My Mom used "shit" a lot when I was growing up. At one point I asked her when I was going to be old enough to swear like her. LOL.
My Dad was like a non-religious Flanders, though. Lots of "Jiminy Crickets!" and "Crap on toast!" thrown around in a rage.
Posted by: Diane Sparks | Saturday, 26 May 2012 at 10:38 AM
Get the swearing out now while you still can. I have mainly noticed the strain on my road rage. I love when Alex is in the car with me without Tori because I get a little bit of leeway until he starts understanding a little better.
Posted by: Bob "Pappy" Richardson | Sunday, 27 May 2012 at 06:11 PM
For years, my favorite swear word was "God Dammit!" and I used it a lot, even after my daughter was born. One day in the garage, I was working on something and blurted it out. My almost 3 year old then said "gahh dammeet" with her mom within earshot. After that day, I really had to watch myself around her (and other little sponges, too).
My wife had her moment when her granddaughter was 3-ish. One of the cats climbed up on the couch and started eating off a plate of food. My wife yelled "fucking cat" and a few seconds later was a 3 yr muffled version of "fucking cat" She, too, started watching her mouth around the kiddies.
So you are smart to start before Kapgar 2.0 arrives.
Posted by: Marty Mankins | Monday, 28 May 2012 at 08:45 AM
Better safe than sorry.
Posted by: kapgar | Monday, 28 May 2012 at 01:05 PM
Ha ha, yeah it took me a while to get used to not swearing in front of the little one when we all moved in together 3 years ago. But it soon becomes second nature ;-)
Posted by: Kevin Spencer | Tuesday, 29 May 2012 at 02:15 PM
Do you miss it?
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 30 May 2012 at 05:31 AM