Hey jealousy...
I'm not the sort to get jealous often. Or, at the very least, I'm not the sort to publicly admit to getting jealous often. Life isn't perfect and we play the hand we're dealt, right?
Well, this whole pregnancy thing has made me insanely jealous. Of Katie. For being pregnant. And me, having that Y chromosome and the lack of the proper body parts to carry the baby myself.
Sound strange?
Well, it's equally strange to admit it out loud even though I've been thinking it for months.
I envy Katie the fact that she has this little person growing inside her and she gets to feel it grow and move. And she gets to develop this maternal bond with the baby that a father just can't ever really have. I can't fathom of any way possible for two people to be closer than for one to have developed inside the other. Can you?
Katie gets to feel every movement, every kick, every stretch, every yawn, every punch, every hiccup. And, while these movements aren't always pleasant, she loves it and wouldn't trade it for anything.
I can be as great a dad as I can try to be. I can raise the baby, feed it, change it, calm it, play with it, watch it grow... any number of things. But I can only really do all that once it's born.
Sure, Katie tells me all the time how great I've been helping her out and supporting her through any number of things I do around the house, but it's just not the same.
For now, it's just a waiting game. Waiting until that time when I can start to feel useful and a part of this whole thing.
Would I change places with her and carry the baby myself? If it were biologically possible, yeah, I think I would. Does that make me weird? Possibly. But I don't care.
I think it makes you cool.
Posted by: claire | Tuesday, 28 August 2012 at 11:04 PM
You two are gonna be amazing parents...of that I have no doubt! I think it's wonderful that you feel as you do about the baby and Katie. Just never forget these moments once you're walking the floor at 3 in the morning. The time will go by quicker than you'll ever believe. I still can't believe you're gonna be 38 in December. Where have the years gone? I love you, Kevin!
Posted by: Suzanne Apgar | Tuesday, 28 August 2012 at 11:24 PM
You were already weird, brother. ;-) I think it's sweet you'd change places. I hope that once your little one is born you can let go of any jealousy and know how vital you are to its life. The way you care for it, for Katie, all of that- you'll be a tremendous dad and a very important person in its life.
Posted by: Sizzle | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 09:48 AM
Don't think that just because you're not carrying it like Katie is right now that you're not doing anything. Being there for your wife, making sure she and the baby are ok, helping her out with anything - that is A LOT. Don't sell yourself short!
You are going to be one seriously awesome dad!! And your kid is going to adore you! :)
Posted by: Marie | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 09:53 AM
Thanks!
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 12:32 PM
I have no idea where they've gone. Now get off your computer and enjoy vacation.
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 12:33 PM
I hope so.
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 12:33 PM
Here's hoping. And thanks.
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 12:34 PM
i wish more men felt like you do. truly wonderful.
that baby is certainly a lucky child to have such phenomenal parents.
Posted by: hello haha narf | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 01:47 PM
I'll be honest buddy, we are seven months in and I still don't feel useful! Ava depends on Becca for so much still and while I am able to help out a ton, there just is no comparing how much Ava needs Becca on a daily basis. Minute to minute basis almost! It is awesome though and I can't wait for my niece or nephew to get here so you can experience him or her.
Posted by: Scott | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 02:50 PM
I hope that kid is truly as lucky all of you seem to believe. Thanks!
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 02:59 PM
I can't wait either.
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 03:59 PM
You were already weird, dude.
:)
You'll be a great dad, and you'll bond with the baby in ways that Katie just won't. Also, all kids at some point or another start to prefer dad to mom, so Katie will feel that jealousy, too.
Either way, that baby will be loved, and that's the most important part.
Posted by: Sybil Law | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 04:41 PM
I don't want Katie to fall by the wayside. Not at all. That would be terrible. I hope we play pretty equal parts in the kid's growth. And thanks!
Posted by: kapgar | Wednesday, 29 August 2012 at 04:56 PM