Last week, I took the afternoon off for a personal goings-on. I left at about 1 p.m. thinking I might be gone for a while. In fact, Katie had even checked with Nathan's daycare provider to be sure she was okay if I was late.
Turned out it didn't run nearly as long as I'd expected. Only a little shy of an hour really. So I wound up with a lot of extra time on my hands. I wasn't sure what to do with it.
So I parked my butt at a Starbucks near Nathan's daycare and wrote a blog post and read a couple chapters in the book I'm currently tackling (Dan Brown's Inferno). Even after all that, I was still at a loss for what to do.
It was right about that time that Katie called and mentioned some things she was planning to pick up after work. Great! Something I can do! I'll spare her going to Walmart and do it for her.
She was fine with my proposal but then said something along the lines of, "well, it leaves you enough time to get lost in Walmart."
"Get lost in WalMart"??
I asked her for clarification as I was a little perplexed by that. I hate Walmart. I almost always feel dirty when I walk out. I firmly believe stand by my conviction that new Walmarts are airlifted out of a manufacturing facility in the heart of Arkansas complete with redneck shoppers. I swear to you, there are people I see in Walmart that I never see anywhere else in normal society. After all, isn't that why People of Walmart exists? Seriously, check that site out. These people are REAL... but only within the confines of the cinderblock walls of Walmart. You'll never see them anywhere else except, perhaps, an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
So, yes, I was a bit mortified that Katie would imply that I like spending time there. That I actually intentionally get lost among the aisles of the midriff-baring, buttcrack-flaunting, Willie Nelson-wannabe rejects.
Then I realized, to some degree, she's actually right. I do go to Walmart and do more than just grab what I absolutely need and beeline it out the door. But I do draw a line. There is still some sense of decorum I maintain.
I will try to go to Walmart Supercenters exclusively if at all possible, primarily because they have a decent grocery section. And I do find some cool and unique stuff there. Where else can I find Goldfish-brand macaroni and cheese. Yes, GOLDFISH! I haven't even see that at the Pepperidge Farm store! Plus, Supercenters tend to be cleaner and hold that level of cleanliness for about a year longer than regular Walmarts, which go to pot a mere week or two after opening.
I have been known to rummage the $5 DVD racks. There is some good stuff to be found like a copy of Machete I got there some months ago. Or Date Night, which Katie and I both enjoy.
I also frequent the toy department because, let's face it, they have good deals on stuff like LEGO. Do you realize how much Toys'r'Us marks that stuff up? It's ridiculous.
But if you see me doing much more in there, I give you permission to end my life with malice. Make it hurt. I'd deserve it. Really.