Actually, the worst part about having anybody in your life that you care about are the scares. I mean, when you're by yourself, you worry about yourself. That's really about it. You find that special someone and you take it upon yourself to try to take care of them as well. Not that they can't take care of themselves effectively, but you want to do your part because you care.
Throw a baby in the mix and dayamn.
Suddenly you have someone who really cannot fully take care of themselves. Any little thing that sounds off and you're jumping to make sure everything is kosher.
On Wednesday night, I was home with Nathan because Katie works the late shift until some time north of 9 p.m. At about 8, I put Nathan to bed because he was tired and I went downstairs to straighten up a bit and watch some Sons of Anarchy. Around 9, I heard a weird noise upstairs from Nathan's room and realized I didn't have the baby monitor on. So I flipped it on and heard him make a weird sputter cry.
I ran up and discovered Nathan had vomited all over the inside of his bed and on the mattress, floor, crib, everywhere. His face was caked in white vomit and whatnot and he was doing a low cry. I picked him up and he threw up some more on me and the floor and anywhere else you can imagine and started crying some more.
My heart was racing. Yeah, you grizzled parenting veterans are probably reading this and muttering "rookie" under your breath. But when you have a kid that's as uncomplicated as Nathan has proven to be so far, having this happen so unexpectedly and inexplicably is a bit frightening.
I ran him to the bathroom to get him cleaned off in the tub and he wanted nothing to do with the feel of the water. He did not want to touch it or have it touch him, so he was howling even more and attempting to climb up the front of me. I finally got him calmed and, by this time, Katie was home and cleaning up his room while I cleaned him up.
Shortly after, she was rocking him back to sleep in his room and I was laying on the floor in his room and that's when my brain finally started forming cohesive thoughts again. It suddenly struck me that if I hadn't heard the little blip of a noise from his room, I wouldn't have turned on the monitor or heard him or any of what was going on upstairs and the worst of the worst could have happened to him and I wouldn't have known or been able to do anything about it. Then what??
I love that kid more than I ever thought possible (as does Katie) and I don't know if I could ever return to a life without him. In such a short time, it's become impossible to even consider my life without him just like it's impossible to consider my life without Katie in it.
And I immediately became a bit sick to my stomach and cried right there in Nathan's room. And so did Katie.