Nathan: I want a snack. Can you pop me some microwave popcorn?

Me: If you want a snack, we have this bag of popcorn here from the movie theater. Eat that instead.

Nathan: Okay! I'll take it!

Me: Just don't get any on the couch.

Nathan: I know! I know!

Me: You say that, but you always get popcorn on the couch anyway.

Nathan: It's not my fault! The popcorn did it!

Me: Oh yeah, blame the popcorn. I see how it is.

This kid. I swear.