A few weeks ago, the thermostat offered to try out some smart learning thingamajiggy where it uses our history in combination with other stuff to optimize our temperature settings. I figured why not and accepted the offer. If it can bring down our heat costs, that’s good, right?

Except I think it thinks we’re not here when we’re asleep. That’s the only explanation for why, at 4:05 a.m., I awoke shivering only to discover that the temp in our house was about six or seven degrees lower than we prefer it.

So here I was trying to wrap my sleep-deprived brain around remembering what group on my phone contained Google Home and where in that app I needed to go to bump up the temperature so the furnace kicked in. All this while not putting on my glasses because, once I do that, I’m awake. And that’s NOT what I wanted to be at 4:05 a.m.

So much for “smart.”