Kevisms

Kevism: Plowed...

It seems to me that if you plow a parking lot and all that remains are snow, ice, potholes, and chunked-up globs of asphalt instead of smooth, clear surface, then, it may be time to consider tearing up the lot and repouring the whole thing. No patches, no crackfill, no microsurfacing... just start it over because, ultimately, it will probably cost less in the long run.


Kevism: Fall...

There’s nothing quite so fun as loading holiday decoration containers into the attic and falling from the ladder and hitting my lower back and shoulder against a bookshelf on the way down. I hurt but it’s nothing too unbearable. Still sucks, though. 


Kevism: Wedding...

I realized something tonight while watching My Best Friend’s Wedding with Katie... Kimmy’s (Cameron Diaz) family is the sort that, based solely on the scale of their wedding, would have a gender reveal fireworks party that would start a forest fire. I am convinced this is the truth.


Kevism: Dusty...

I was considering an outfit to wear tomorrow for a presentation I’m making on Zoom to a client. I dug around in my closet to find a collared shirt. Of all the things that can happen to clothing — worn, stained, shrunken, outgrown, moth-ridden, outdated, etc. — the one thing I’d never considered was that my clothes would become covered in a thin layer of dust. Ah, pandemic life. 


Kevism: Muted...

One thing I hate doing that I’ve only done on rare occasion is to unfollow or mute or otherwise hide a person from my timeline on social media. Usually l can tolerate stupidity for a short time knowing that this too shall pass. Well, it wasn’t happening with a certain somebody and their conservative ranting peaked today and resulted in me muting this person from my timeline. I didn’t go so far as to unfollow them. Not yet, anyway. We’ll see what happens when November passes. Assuming things go my way, that is. 


Kevism: Aches...

In addition to the bad work that I mentioned in yesterday’s Kevism, another annoyance is the post-work aches and pains that you get. While working, there’s an adrenaline rush that masks it. But once the work winds down and the buzz dies off, the muscle strain and numb joints and headaches kick in. So. Much. Fun. 


Kevism: Quality...

If there is one thing that drives me nuts about home improvement projects it’s discovering just how poorly your home was originally built... or how lackluster the improvements are that the previous owners made. From bad wall angles to overglued wainscoting and mirrors to medicine cabinets that only use two screws. It’s maddening. 


Kevism: Open...

I’m sorry, but if you’re running a restaurant, particularly a Mexican one, and don’t stock enough meat to justify staying open or don’t have hours past 3 p.m. on a Friday, then just shut your doors forever, m’kay?

Both these things happened the last two times we tried to go to Taco Urbano in Batavia, IL. Yes, I went in there and the kid at the counter said they were out of ground beef, steak, pork, and chicken all at the same time. We’re done. 


Kevism: TP...

While I truly appreciate it when companies and stores give us a little more bang for our buck, I’d prefer that toilet paper manufacturers give it to us in the form of extra rolls instead of bigger ones. Toilet paper spindles won’t spin when the roll is too thick. That frustrates me to no end. 


Kevism: Blended...

Take a tip from a pro, kids... When you make something in a blender and pour it in one of those Blender Bottles and then decide to put it back in the real blender to give it some more spin, make sure you remove that metal whisk ball before you push the start button. Oy.


Kevism: Optional...

It drives me crazy when an organization (that will go unnamed) asks for an "optional" donation as part of a registration process, but, in order to do literally anything within that org, you have to give them exactly the amount they request as optional. It's clearly "mandatory," so call it a "fee" already. Don't insult my intelligence. Or my bank account.


Kevism: Wedded...

I feel certain my new mortgage company has zero faith in the sanctity of marriage as their security questions include "In what city or town did you meet your first spouse/partner?" Yes, "first." Because in these modern times, we have to be specific.


Kevism: Wired...

While I refuse to judge them for doing it, I still get a kick out of how many people I see walking around in public tethered to their music, podcasts, etc., with headphones in or on their ears. I refuse to judge because, well, I’ve been them.